Ex expects extra child care for holiday, but I cannot manage

[Ref5217]

I’m interested in opinions please. I have my children every other weekend and Thursday evenings for food. My ex has told me, not asked, but told me that I am having my children Thursday to Monday so she can go on holiday with her husband. I have told her I cannot do this, due to work Friday and Monday. she has told me that it’s down to me to arrange childcare for the Thursday and Sunday nights. I know I will collect the children from school on Thursday and when I go to take them home, she would have gone on holiday. What can I do about this? I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t do it, but once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!

She’s being unreasonable to drop this on you last minute, just like you would be if you chose to change the weekend you saw your child at the last minute.

However, she’s not BU to expect you to do more parenting at certain times of the year.

I assume you have the child half of the school holidays so how do you manage then?

If you use holiday clubs then you can use your annual leave to cover the rest.

I’d imagine this is a pattern. You won’t flex from what suits you unless given no choice.

You can and will manage to parent your kids. You are doing less than the bare minimum.

Your poor kids.

It doesn't actually sound like it was last minute. It sounds like she's asked repeatedly and he's repeatedly said no. She's probably got fed up of never being able to go on holiday without the kids since he has them so little and refuses to do more, so she's decided she's going to force the issue this time.

Your post seems to position that you don’t think your ex can opt out of parenting for a weekend. But the reason you seem to think that is because you want to opt out of parenting, because your children are an inconvenience to you and you don’t know how to arrange back up care. How would you have coped as a single parent?

Can you clarify how much notice you have had about exes holiday?
The answers are obviously going to depend on this.

Some divorced dads have their children 50% of the time. How do you think they manage?

This is all very dependent on how much notice you give and how you normally arrange cover for the school holidays? If she sprung it on you a few days before then YANBU but if not then I’m afraid it is your job to find cover.

Kids have just over 13 weeks off a year what do you usually do during that time? What do you normally do when one of you books a holiday? Who takes emergency days off when the kids are sick, school closes suddenly etc?

Im trying really hard not to just assume that your a parent who does the bare minimum but anyone who sees their kids for 2 days & 2 evenings a fortnight is barely parenting. Was this an arrangement you requested or her?

You can do it buddy.

Take 2 days annual leave.

Done.

You hardly see your kids, just step up and sort it out. You get so many personal days at work, take a couple of those as an emergency.

It is called annual leave.

Welcome to being a parent. As a full time working primary parent, I’ll give you the options I’ve used this year to get through the 13 weeks of school holidays:

• Flexible working
• Annual leave
• Unpaid leave (or parental leave is in 1 week blocks and you can have 18 weeks per child)

Just because you’re a bloke, you don’t get to not parent equally

This is a joke right? Another dad that barely sees his kids and moans if he has to step up. 🙄

Some divorced or widowed dads have their children all the time.

I'm a single parent and had my ds full time for 17 years while working full time, running a department and paying all the bills.

I think this weekend will be very good for OP, he'll have to put himself out for his children for once. 😊

They're your kids, that makes them 50% your responsibility. Suck it up, buttercup, and start being a father your own children. You're a disgrace.

So what do you think she has to do every day of the year that you don’t have your children? Don’t be a dead beat. Take your kids for 4 days so their poor mum can have a break.

A lot of people only allow their children to see their other parent EOW anyway. We have no idea who set that up. The courts often think EOW is plenty and won't increase. Nobody here has any idea whether the OP would lile more contact or not.

What we do know is that mum jas announced he must have his kids on these days at her convenience.

Unanimous opinions on MN are extremely rare, OP. Sounds like you have some learning to do - time to step up.

Call in sick to work if need be. I’m positive your wife has had to do this countless times in the past when your arrangement has not worked for her. Unless we are missing part of the story here and you are constantly called in for “favours”. Btw, they’re not favours. They are your children.

You're not looking good in this! Take some leave and spend time with your kids, she deserves to go on holiday. I bet you expect all your leave to be just for you and not to help with childcare!

You don't just thrust your kids off when they are in a routine.

Can you even prove that the time spent with Dad is something he decided and limits rather than the maximum mum would support and court/mediation agreed?

I know women who dont want any weekends away from kids, but the courts have said they must tolerate one a month. If the mum was more supportive, they'd probably give more time rather than starting at such little.

I know other people who can't have their kids on weekends because that's when they work and earn the money that they earn. That money supports their child. Leaving to get a job that doesn't pay that money but allows them to be present on weekends would ultimately diminish the child's quality of life because that is the only earned money coming into their life.

You have no idea of the situation so cannot judge without it just being a projection of your hate for men.

Thursday to Monday is Easter Bank Holiday weekend so you will be off work?

I think this is more of your projection of your hate of women

No, it's proximity to several separated co-parents as well as close relationships with other mothers.

Explain how you know that the OP hasn't ever tried or wouldnt prefer to see his children more often. Please use direct citations from the OP to back up your points.

“My ex has told me, not asked, but told me that I am having my children Thursday to Monday”…………… So, you do acknowledge that they are your children then??
How does your current arrangement work when you want to go on holiday?

But the sad part in all this is the fact that both you and your ex are using these children as ammunition to score points off one another. Do have an adult conversation, do the right thing and put the children first!

You need to book the days off work just as your ex would have to do any other time if the kids are ill etc.

The fact that you hardly see your kids is not winning you any sympathy here.

You literally barely seen your kids.
Why can't you book time off work?
What does your ex do during school holidays... Let me guess, book holiday or has a job that accommodates your children?