Ex expects extra child care for holiday, but I cannot manage

[Ref5217]

I’m interested in opinions please. I have my children every other weekend and Thursday evenings for food. My ex has told me, not asked, but told me that I am having my children Thursday to Monday so she can go on holiday with her husband. I have told her I cannot do this, due to work Friday and Monday. she has told me that it’s down to me to arrange childcare for the Thursday and Sunday nights. I know I will collect the children from school on Thursday and when I go to take them home, she would have gone on holiday. What can I do about this? I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t do it, but once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!

If you told her repeatedly sounds like you’ve had plenty of notice to arrange some leave? Even over Easter when it’s unlikely there’ll be clubs it doesn’t sound like she’s left you short of time

What does the OP do for work?

How much of the school holidays do you normally parent your children?

Your ex partner does the lions share of the parenting for you and everything that that involves. She's taking a break.
You get to see your children for longer 🥳
Do you share the school holidays or do you maintain your every other weekend and Thursday evening arrangement throughout the year?

Do you not get annual leave in your job or are you are parent who thinks that there leave is just about them?

Ask for AL. Ask family to help with childcare. Look for holiday club. Sort it out.

She does FAR more than you, and I’m sure there’s been many times she’s had to juggle childcare and get on with it.
They’re your kids for gods sake- parent then.

How much notice have you been given?

Do you do half of all school holidays?

When I have had to look after my children at short notice I have taken annual leave or parental leave, asked my dad to look after them, organised playdates (with someone I have done this for in the past) and when none of those things were possible I organised an emergency nanny from an agency.

You have your own children for four nights a month, even though you live near enough to get them to school. You need to be doing so much more; start with this. Take two days of leave, and enjoy some time with your children.

I'm here to be possibly the sole person supporting you.
I'm a father, I'm divorced. I had time with my kids set for me by the court, this sounds like you have as well. It's not at all fair for your ex to change the schedule without consulting you especially if you have work commitments as you do. I promise you that everyone here having a go at you would be very supportive of the mother if you had unanimously changed the schedule without asking her.

Do what you can, get the schedule formalised if you need to, stand up for yourself, maybe use this as a reason to have more official time with your kids and edge towards a 50/50 schedule which is what all parents should start with when they separate.

Good luck, and well done for looking for help and advice even if people laid into you.

This is either rage bait or a reverse.

Yonu'll just have to take two days holiday if you can't arrange childcare. Its only 4 days fgs.

I can't believe this is the first time she has told you about this. How much notice has she given you?

How do you know the time set was made by the courts? How do you know there isn’t an agreement for the OP to have his children for part of the holidays? Do you SERIOUSLY think this OP is going to “edge towards a 50/50” arrangement when he can barely manage a 30/70, wow, PMSL.

As a man, you are reading the original OP without any consideration of what led to his post, whereas most women on here can read exactly between the lines, hence why the OP has never returned.

YOU Sir, are part of the problem.

Do you worry about how she manages childcare in her time? No? Then there's no reason for her to. They are your children, just get on with it like every other parent.

I know how you feel, actually being expected to parent your own children sucks, right? My ex never saw them at all so I had to do 365 days a year. An extra 2 days on top of your already exhausting 52 days a year must be really hard, I feel for you.

Is it the inconvenience you're upset about - did you have your own Easter plans that the poor kids are now in the "way" of? Or did your ex land this on you without warning? If the latter, you will have to manage it as a personal emergency in work terms. We all have them. Then discuss with her going forward what the plan will be when going on holiday. Do you have a parent who can help you out this time?

I have to echo others - your ex needs to manage last-minute inconveniences all the time as the primary parent/carer. It will do you good to do the same.

Its tricky your Ex didnt give you more notice but these challenges happen when you are a parent. What you can do is find a solution,get child some child care, ask your Ex what childrcare arrangements she has as she has your children the vast majority of the time,family or arrange leave from work.
Are the children at school fri and monday or is is school holidays where you are?
If your EX were ill what would you do ,do you have any contingency plans for emergency situations?
Relish the opportunity to spend time with your children as you spend so little time with them.
Discuss with your EX that the short notice makes things difficult but you relish the opportunity to spend more time with them and find a solution.

how flexible are you both with each other? On the face of it is seems a reasonable request - particularly given you don’t have the children very often compared to her.

but …. What notice has she given you and is she flexible if you are unavailable?

why can’t you take the children and what are the usual arrangements for school holidays? Do you stick rigidly to the arrangement or do you help each other out? Why can’t you take them? Parents have to adjust regularly due to unforeseen circumstances.

OP’s just get a hard time because he’s a man
there was the exact same thread the other week where a dad said he wasn’t having the kids as he was going on holiday and the overwhelming response was without prior arrangements with notice he sound stick to the access arrangements

what happens if OP decides he want to keep the kids for a week going against access arrangements you’d hear the screams from scape saying it’s wrong

pissing about with access agreements never ends well and the kids always get caught in the crossfire

my guess this is the start of a pattern of behaviour and will just start dumping the kids when she pleases

if she’s struggling then OP needs to go for more access possibly 50/50 because everyone can work with that they know exactly what childcare they need

I disagree tbh. I would have the same attitude towards a woman if that woman was only having her kids 2 nights out of 14 and an odd night for dinner.

The fact that you’re asking suggests this is the first time she’s asked.
so despite the fact she looks after your children 6 days in a row every week, so you get 6 days every single week to do whatever you want, you have never looked after your own children for more than 2 days in a row. Is that right? Because that is what it sounds like.
why do you think she should do more parenting of your children than you do? It suggests you are either a misogynist or not very bright. Or both.

As I said previously the bit we are missing is if she gave him notice which is really the deciding factor if the mum is out of order or not