Childminder ending care suddenly for my sons, no clear reason given

[BePoliteRedUser]

Our childminder sent us the following message last night after caring for my son's since they were 6 months old.

'Hi Kate, I’m really sorry to have to send this message. Due to a change in my personal circumstances unfortunately I won’t be able to care for - and - anymore. Taking their notice period into account, their last day will be 18th April. I will send your final April invoice to reflect this date. - and E- have become part of the family, so I really will miss them. Xx'

She has about 20 years experience and has had babies and young children before. She has usually seemed very pleasant and kind.

My partner asked whether they will be closing down this morning and she said she won't be ending care for all of the children and that she w as a upset to end the message. He asked if it was about their behaviour or our parenting and she said it isn't. She is still being cryptic as bout the reason why though. My partner put it down to a health problem or something along those lines or a divorce as it was so sudden. I didn't believe it was that because of how she worded the message.

I suppose I just wanted to garner people's thoughts and ask advice really as I've been really upset about it and didn't realise how much it would upset me (been tearful all morning and feeling at a loss at to why).

Sometimes at childcare my sons have hit out at other children or been upset and my partner has let me know this. I have been worried she would end care with them and he has laughed and said don't be silly and let her know how I feel. She has said to him it's okay she has seen it all before and tell me not to worry. It sounds like I did have reason to worry now?

I feel upset that I don't know the secret reason why she is abruptly ending her care with them after saying things were fine before. I feel really hurt that she is doing this with no prior warning of the build up and not being descriptive about why now it's happening. I know she's entitled to be secretive if she wants I am aware people don't have to disclose these matters. I just felt like it would have been kind and respectful to after all this time. We paid her a retainer in over 200 quid a month for my second son whilst I was on maternity leave and she hasn't said anything to suggest she would be ending care soon. I feel very blindsided and am questioning my parenting and what the real reason for this is?

I wondered with the what I understand is very limited information in this post, whether anyone could shed light on why they think this is happening or offer any advice or thoughts.

Yes the LA should not get involved you are right but my neighbouring LA is over reaching on stuff regarding funding so it may be case in that borough. Neighbouring LA trying to tell childminders that they need to offer funding to all ages which is simply not the case.

this is the only job where you get a pay cut the longer you look after your clients

Read the thread properly.
I am certainly not anti children, I am a childminder.
The OP has stated the kids are hyperactive at home, and run her and her partner ragged.
And that one of them hit another child in the head with a toy, which his cm will have had to explain to the parent.

The LA has no authority over childminders, that’s the job of Ofsted.
If my LA tried to dictate how I run my business, they would get very short shrift from me!

We're in the NE OP and recently heard that the childminder we used to use has done something similar - In her situation she has got rid of all daytime mindees - she was charging around £40 per day for them. She is keeping some of her afterschool and before school older ones (up to age 10) for which she gets £12 per morning and afternoon, the ratios are higher so she can take more and only work 7-9 and then 3-6pm. So she's not getting rid of all, but all the younger ones are going. Then is taking on a Dinner lady role which is basically covering her losses through the day.

You say she's said she's not getting rid of them all, but are also assuming it's only your 2 - you don't know that for certain, it could be similar to the above.

I've suggested this to him. We can do this when our outgoings reduce in January. He doesn't like the feeling of not having his own wage. He has 2 other kids 16 and 14 whom he pays cs for

I was assuming it was only my two yea but it could be more

Just thinking though why wouldn't she just say this

Because it’s none of your business?

You're very intense. Maybe its just you and your personality is too much?

Is there any need for that kind of comment, really?

All totally normal for this age and stage.

I agree with this.
OP has done a slow drip drip of information throughout her replies, alluding to the challenging behaviour of her two children at home.
As a CM, having two disruptive siblings within a small group of children would add a lot of stress, particularly if they lash out at the other children.

Two children aged one and two are always going to be challenging. I’m not reading anything that’s massively out of the ordinary, tbh, drip feed or no.

Mine are five and two and still a PITA together; fine apart.

Not read the full thread but if the child minder needs to decrease the amount of children under her care on a day to day basis maybe it is easiest to upset only one parent who has two children than 2 sets of parents who each have one child, just a thought

You are overthinking it, she is self employed so can choose how many children (as long as complies with Ofsted rules) she looks after and the hours she wishes to work. It’s your job to find a suitable replacement, not for her to worry about.
Hope you find suitable childcare very soon,

If I'm very intense she wouldn't know this as we don't have much contact. She speaks with my partner who is the opposite of intense 🤣

Haven't meant to do a 'slow drip' 🤣

I would guess that she maybe is struggling with caring for the children she currently has. As we get older, it becomes more difficult, so perhaps she’s retained the children who are the easiest to care for. Doesn’t necessarily mean yours are badly behaved, just that they demand more time and care than the others.

They are 1 and 2 and as people have said that age group especially 2 together is a real challenge. I'm not sure whether their behaviour is actually out of the ordinary or not

I wonder if your initial reaction was as much related to the impact of childcare stopping on your home life - rather than the lack of detailed reason. I don’t think there’s any detailed reason that would make it feel fine.

There are a range of reasons, most of which an individual wouldnt want to discuss with a customer.

eg.
health issue - back problem, prolapse, carpal tunnel, arthritis etc. all of those make dealing with energetic small children difficult. Reducing number of chikdren and the most physically demanding ones is a way of maintaining some income whilst also minimising the extent to which working makes the health issue worse.

ofsted review has reduced her capacity

personal finances have changed her car situation and that puts a practical limit on

need to care for another person (personal rather than customer) eg. Child in family coming into the household. Which impacts her numbers.

While you’d like to know, your desire for reassurance doesn’t trump her right to privacy. It sucks, but she gets that. It’ll suck for her too.

They are 7 til quarter past 5 so possibly .. I know it's 'None of my business' but this would've been a relief to know

Yes and whatever happens she would have to bin them both I guess not just one

If she has 7 under age 8 then that’s over ratio for one person. Hopefully at least one was over 8 years old

It might have been 'a relief to know' but it might be something she's having trouble coming to terms with & doesn't want to talk about.

FGS just let it go, she has her reasons & whatever they are doesn't change anything. If you want feedback on your boys behaviour when someone else is caring for them you can get it from the new childminder. Don't give her any negatives before they even start though!

FgS just let it go? 🤣 You say it like I've been holding on to it for years, it's not even been 24 hours