Childminder ending care suddenly for my sons, no clear reason given

[BePoliteRedUser]

Our childminder sent us the following message last night after caring for my son's since they were 6 months old.

'Hi Kate, I’m really sorry to have to send this message. Due to a change in my personal circumstances unfortunately I won’t be able to care for - and - anymore. Taking their notice period into account, their last day will be 18th April. I will send your final April invoice to reflect this date. - and E- have become part of the family, so I really will miss them. Xx'

She has about 20 years experience and has had babies and young children before. She has usually seemed very pleasant and kind.

My partner asked whether they will be closing down this morning and she said she won't be ending care for all of the children and that she w as a upset to end the message. He asked if it was about their behaviour or our parenting and she said it isn't. She is still being cryptic as bout the reason why though. My partner put it down to a health problem or something along those lines or a divorce as it was so sudden. I didn't believe it was that because of how she worded the message.

I suppose I just wanted to garner people's thoughts and ask advice really as I've been really upset about it and didn't realise how much it would upset me (been tearful all morning and feeling at a loss at to why).

Sometimes at childcare my sons have hit out at other children or been upset and my partner has let me know this. I have been worried she would end care with them and he has laughed and said don't be silly and let her know how I feel. She has said to him it's okay she has seen it all before and tell me not to worry. It sounds like I did have reason to worry now?

I feel upset that I don't know the secret reason why she is abruptly ending her care with them after saying things were fine before. I feel really hurt that she is doing this with no prior warning of the build up and not being descriptive about why now it's happening. I know she's entitled to be secretive if she wants I am aware people don't have to disclose these matters. I just felt like it would have been kind and respectful to after all this time. We paid her a retainer in over 200 quid a month for my second son whilst I was on maternity leave and she hasn't said anything to suggest she would be ending care soon. I feel very blindsided and am questioning my parenting and what the real reason for this is?

I wondered with the what I understand is very limited information in this post, whether anyone could shed light on why they think this is happening or offer any advice or thoughts.

I've accepted that it's happening I already said that, I'm well in to looking for another minder, I've already contacted every childminder in the area and have set up a meeting already and it's been less than 24 hours. I am aware we're not friends. I have just felt sad about it, moreso because she is continuing to be a childminder but after 2 years is no longer minding my children

I am also a 'service supplier' if you like.. and would not give such short notice or be so cryptic and non descript. I am 'moving on' practically but feel upset by it.

My money covers rent, bills, childcare, council tax, phones, internet, petrol, train fares, food, toiletries, clothes, house repairs, birthday presents for etc for family. His covers money to do anything outside essentials (barely)

I understand the reasons she hasn't kept me updated on the impact of it but I really which she had cos I have asked my partner to invite and encourage that communication. I suspect this is the case too.

Is she pregnant herself and wants to start winding down other peoples child minding for a while or becomming a grandparent and offering services to her own family?

If the other kids are older and in preschool/school maybe she just wants to work afternoons? Honestly there is no point feeling bad or wondering if your dcs perfectly normal behaviour is to blame. It's probably completely circumstantial. I hope you get alternative care sorted soon 🙏

She just doesn't want to have to argue with you OP or justify herself, hence being 'cryptic'.

I know it must be incredibly annoying and stressful but she has every right to cancel. It is a business arrangement, so you have no right to feel hurt. I very much doubt it is anything personal to you or your DCs. Many PPs have made reasonable guesses as to why she has done this and it could be one of those things or any one of a million other possibilities. This is always the downside of private childcare and, for that matter, private schools - they exist to make a profit.

Also it sounds like you've actually explained it to them tbh

I would have extended that courtesy in her position 🤷🏻‍♀️

But you just said (in what I quoted) that you live on his money and that yours only covers amenities?

You said you have been worried she would terminate your contract because of your dc’s behaviour. So you do know why, I think you have just buried your head in the sand and you’re continuing to do so

@BePoliteRedUser - "... I am hurt and baffled with the suddenness of it with no real warning considering the length of time she's been involved. Me and partner both work full time and my job is very demanding so it's left us blindsided and in the shit tbh.. it seems like if it's not due to health reasons or divorce or something then there could've been much more prior warning?..."

But according to her message she sent you she has complied with whatever notice period you agreed to?

If you think that notice period is (or was or would be) too short, why did you agree to it in the first place?

You're making it all about you. She has said it's due to a change in her personal circumstances. That's got nothing to do with you or your child. You need to stop dwelling on it. You are not friends or family. At the end of the day it was a business arrangement. It's not appropriate to expect her to explain her personal circumstances. People have all kinds of things going on in their lives.

I mean, it sounds very much like you would have argued and defended your position. You've had an answer and excuse for everyone who has tried to explain to you and I feel you would have done the same with the childminder.

Thanks I would like to hope their behaviour hasn't led to this 🤞🏻 but if it has I'd like to have had communication about it, and preferably a while ago... Id like to have known the specifics of what they have behaved like with other kids in that setting then when they go to school I will have had time to work on the knowledge of what exactly is the problem in good time before that if I'd have been told about it now

Having to argue or justify yourself isn't a courtesy, you aren't entitled to that.

It could be the age of the children or how many she wants to care for. Perhaps she is concentrating on the older age group. There could be any reasons.

You have two disruptive children that’s why. Childminders run smaller outfits than nurseries. They can’t afford to keep violent or disruptive kids especially if they’re hurting other children. It’s quite normal tor them to be stricter. You probably do need a big nursery.

I think I would be honest with her. Say how sad you are that things have come to an end but you completely accept her decision. However, you are tying yourself in knots worrying that it is your children's behaviour or something else they have done. You would appreciate knowing if this is the case so that you are prepared when they start at the next childcare placing.

Noone is entitled to it we know that already as adults in society? but I suppose I feel awful that she hasn't offered it as I would have offered it.

Yes thanks, I think I will say this to her x

I want them to be strict and firm TBF. And if nurseries will be more firm I want them to adjust to that kind of setting.

Three of the five childminders in our village have given notice that after the summer they’ll not be accepting funding so it’ll be private places or no places. They’ve said they simply cannot afford it anymore.

In that case I’d suggest a big nursery (ideally school based if you have one that will take 2 yo’s, but def with a preschool) because they will teach them that.