Childminder ending care suddenly for my sons, no clear reason given

[BePoliteRedUser]

Our childminder sent us the following message last night after caring for my son's since they were 6 months old.

'Hi Kate, I’m really sorry to have to send this message. Due to a change in my personal circumstances unfortunately I won’t be able to care for - and - anymore. Taking their notice period into account, their last day will be 18th April. I will send your final April invoice to reflect this date. - and E- have become part of the family, so I really will miss them. Xx'

She has about 20 years experience and has had babies and young children before. She has usually seemed very pleasant and kind.

My partner asked whether they will be closing down this morning and she said she won't be ending care for all of the children and that she w as a upset to end the message. He asked if it was about their behaviour or our parenting and she said it isn't. She is still being cryptic as bout the reason why though. My partner put it down to a health problem or something along those lines or a divorce as it was so sudden. I didn't believe it was that because of how she worded the message.

I suppose I just wanted to garner people's thoughts and ask advice really as I've been really upset about it and didn't realise how much it would upset me (been tearful all morning and feeling at a loss at to why).

Sometimes at childcare my sons have hit out at other children or been upset and my partner has let me know this. I have been worried she would end care with them and he has laughed and said don't be silly and let her know how I feel. She has said to him it's okay she has seen it all before and tell me not to worry. It sounds like I did have reason to worry now?

I feel upset that I don't know the secret reason why she is abruptly ending her care with them after saying things were fine before. I feel really hurt that she is doing this with no prior warning of the build up and not being descriptive about why now it's happening. I know she's entitled to be secretive if she wants I am aware people don't have to disclose these matters. I just felt like it would have been kind and respectful to after all this time. We paid her a retainer in over 200 quid a month for my second son whilst I was on maternity leave and she hasn't said anything to suggest she would be ending care soon. I feel very blindsided and am questioning my parenting and what the real reason for this is?

I wondered with the what I understand is very limited information in this post, whether anyone could shed light on why they think this is happening or offer any advice or thoughts.

He does have to yes. But we are still down a lot. We live on his money. Mine just covers amenities. We obviously have been looking.

Yeah maybe so,I wouldn't mind her being honest about that really I'm the sort of person who can take that. Maybe she thinks I will become argumentative or try to negotiate. I think it's easier for me to understand that than nothing at all. I know I'm overthinking it, it only happened yesterday evening though.

I have been really sensitive cos I wondered if it is his but why keep the other kids then.

Are the other kids full time or just before and after school

What kind of reason could that be I wonder? If she's keeping the other children

There is one boy who looks about 3 whom she cares for on the days she's with my sons. They all often go to another childminder's house with a big playground garden from why I see on pics she sends me. She has never really told us what they get up to day to day but sends pictures sometimes and there are a few other kids there too who all look similar age to my sons.

It doesn’t matter why. Nothing is going to change if you know the reason, she isn’t going to change her mind. She has given you appropriate notice, and you need to focus on finding a solution. You can have your feelings about it, you can be angry, annoyed, sad etc. You can think badly of her, you can come up with wild theories etc, that doesn’t change the situation.

If you are concerned about your children’s behaviour and worried a childminder might bin them off, then address those behaviours. Not because a childminder is refusing care, but because those issues need to be addressed. If you don’t know whether their behaviour is age appropriate, do some reading and find out. Either way, letting the situation go and moving on would be really beneficial in this situation.

are the other children part time or even after school only? If her health was a factor, she may be able to cope with afternoon only kids who are older or perhaps one child 3 days a week shorter hours. I highly recommend a nursery as this is less likely to be a problem

Thanks I will actually

You might want to reduce her workload, reduce the size of her car, use less space in her house.

I’m not a childminder but when I left teaching I left very quickly with virtually no notice at all due to health reasons. I just couldn’t work full time anymore.

i did try and do tutoring to bring in some money so if my former students googled me they’d probably have found my website and wondered why I was doing tutoring but not full time teaching.

even that was too much and I gave up after a couple of months.

there’s a lot of health conditions where you really do need to drop dorm from full time but for money reasons you might want to try to do as much as you can.

my students weren’t told my diagnoses as frankly they didn’t need to know and neither do you.

of course it may not be health reasons at all.

I have considered it. It's a lot though and I know they charge for consumables which will be very pricey for us on top of the expensive nursery fees. It's all the more expensive as we have 2 kids not just one so we will pay 20 quid an hour on non funded days and weeks at a nursery as I see it's about ten quid an hour? They seem to have massive waiting lists aswell and we need care in the next 2 weeks. I am still looking at nurseries regardless

Childminders are self-employed and can make their own decisions about who they do or don't provide childcare for, within the bounds of the contracts they sign with parents. If she's given you appropriate notice as set out in the contract that's all you can really ask for.

If you had a self-employed cleaner and the cleaner gave you two weeks notice citing personal reasons, and you knew they were still going to be working as a cleaner and weren't giving notice to another client in your street, would you feel entitled to the cleaner giving you a better/"real" reason about why they were stopping doing your house?

Well yes kind of I'd want to think it was just where I live is too far away or something. Od feel like why are they still cleaning but have given up cleaning for me after 2 years. Maybe I wouldn't express that but I would wonder it inside

Thanks I've been looking and I've asked about 12 minders. There are 2 thay have space so I am going to meet with one Friday hopefully and see what the setting is like. It just seems so sad still.

Is it a money thing and she has someone who will pay more than you

We've not kept asking her. All we've asked is is it to do with their behaviour and and we hope she's okay. She says it isn't and hasn't said anything else

I won't take it too badly if that's the case

She could've asked us if we'd pay more though

Maybe I wouldn't express that but I would wonder it inside

I suggest applying this to the childminder situation. She told you why.

She isn’t employed to be your friend. She is employed to look after your children and she has made the decision not to do that anymore.

You need to accept her decision and focus on finding alternative care for your boys.

I work with children who are neurodiverse so I think I'm well versed in knowing whether their behaviour is age appropriate etc. I would leave liked her honest opinion of this is the case, like you said to prevent similar future problems.. she has been saying their behaviours are a stage they will grow out of etc. the 1 year old hit another child with a toy last week. The 2 year role is defiant when has said before. I have asked my partner to address whether this is a problem for care on several occasions b fore and recently and she has said it's developmentally normal a and 'they all go through it's. He has said I'm being silly by worrying about her ending care in the past and she doesn't seem phased by it.

Childminder here.
i suspect it’s because your kids are difficult to manage, in addition to one of your sons reaching the age of 3 soon, in which case the funding rate drops dramatically.
And the majority of cms underplay bad behaviour to parents, otherwise it’s a constant litany of detailing such behaviour on pick up, and cms are generally a kind hearted bunch and don’t want parents upset.
And as for the short notice, I’ve just had to give notice to a child who is great on his own, but hyperactive, violent and aggressive when he mixes with the other children I care for.
i have made the parents aware of the issues, and have grappled for months with the decision. I am now so exhausted I’ve finally given notice, I was also met with absolute shock and that it “came from nowhere”
If it’s any comfort, your cm will probably also have grappled with the decision for a long time.

You earn three times as much as him but you live on his money?

you are a customer, she is a service supplier. She is entitled to not tell you more than she has. She has sent you a lovely and gracious message, accept it and move on.