Partner wants me to stop cosleeping

[IdontEvenKnowAnymore2]

So our little boy is now almost 2.5years and I have been co-sleeping with him since he was born.
My partner does not live with us.
He says our boy needs to sleep in his own bed as the last time he had him our boy seemed to need body contact to sleep and that he needs to grow into a man, boys and girls need different things things etc ...
I can't understand how giving a toddler the security he needs at this age will impact his development into a man.
What am I missing?

@bouncingblob attempting to sleep train my now 4yo is one of my biggest regrets of that time period. I tried for nearly 18 months to sleep train using various methods. Because that’s what society told me was the right thing. He was up every 1-2 hours calling me from his room. In the end i gave up and co- slept with him and now he sleeps through. Poor thing just wanted me overnight and was probably frightened. I was working full time as a hospital doctor and used to go in absolutely exhausted.
Not lazy parenting but doing what was best for him (too late but better late than never).
I think you can’t give advice on something you clearly know nothing about - some kids need comfort from parents for longer. Your child obviously doesn’t.
OP you must do what is best for your child. He is with you 5/7 nights per week so I’d bet you know better what that is than your partner does. Go with your gut here.

My son was in my bed until age 7. I think it's possibly made him more independent now.

Dependence in the infant years breeds independence later on. There has literally been studies on the subject. Do what feels right to you as his mother. Co sleeping is amazing for both. Lots of people cant wait to make their babies independent and it is so sad.

‘He says our boy needs to sleep in his own bed as the last time he had him our boy seemed to need body contact to sleep and that he needs to grow into a man,’

He’s 2.5 years old, is DP ok?

You’re focusing on the wrong bit.

He resents having to co-sleep with your son because of your choice to co-sleep. Maybe it affects him because he doesn’t want to sleep at the same time as ds, wants to sleep nude etc? You know your partner.

I have 2 adult sons and it obviously didn’t affect their development into men. I think someone has told him that co-sleeping is weird (you know the likely contenders) and came up with the development line.

I think that co-sleeping is fine and that your partner isn’t totally unreasonable to be annoyed that your decision to co-sleep forces him to do it on his nights too. If the roles were reversed then you’d get sympathy too.

Assuming you want honesty not validation I think parents who co sleep do so for their own needs, not their child’s. That said, the ‘needs to be a man’ thing is nonsense but I think you included that so everyone could say how right you are and how wrong he is.

Bed sharing does not increase the risk of SIDS. It actually decreases it when the mother is breastfeeding and safe sleep 7 are followed.

Look at other mammals. How many of them push their babies away from them when they sleep?

He's wrong for his comments about girls and boys etc. You are wrong in my opinion because if you don't have a plan for you son to sleep by himself then when will it end? Mine were always in their own cot, I did sleep train them and they had their own room, I did it because I worked and having children taking over my bed wouldn't have been conducive to a good night's sleep. Just for reference, I had 1 night when I had to sleep train each. We teach childrenots, but apparently sleep training is wrong.

Typo should say children lots.

Your 2.5-year-old should not be having milk during the night. It sounds to me like you're babying him.

It’s so funny seeing the divide in these threads- such strong opinions on either end. I was strongly in the camp of ‘must sleep in own room’ and my DS did so from 6 months until 2.5 years old. We moved him to a bed and he was poorly one night and came in with us and after that he did so every night until 5. We tried to get him to stop but he wouldn’t (later diagnosed ASD) and I realised the best thing was to get sleep and support what he needed. He has since stopped as we have encouraged him to sleep all night with a gro clock (which we tried numerous times over the years with no success). So it was a bit of keep trying but also meeting his needs.

In the end you do what is best and appropriate for your child and your family. It should be a discussion I think and perhaps you should try different approaches but if he is happy and healthy and has a secure attachment (which it sounds like he does) then I wouldn’t worry. I would be open minded to changes whatever the case and as he gets older.

This. Everyone has their own way and own Opinions. So either people swear it's the best and others the worst.
If you are a single mum then sleep is your priority. Do whatever works for you. He will eventually have his own bed. My cousin who co slept for years is now a fabulous mature man with a great job and family, despite everyone criticising my aunt when he was growing up !!

This is not official NHS guidance which states very clearly the safest place for a baby is on their back, in their own crib, and for at least the first 6 months of that in a room with you.

There are things which can make co-sleeping SAFER but nothing which can make it as safe as a baby in their own cot. That is just a medical fact.

Babies are not capable of abstract reasoning. What you are suggesting is going on in a baby's mind is cognitively beyond them.

Their minds think in terms of emotions, not narratives.

Sleep training is about teaching them that you are STILL there to love them and support them even when they can't physically see you. The secure bonds and attachments they make with you throughout the day are what carries them through the night. Crying is a reflex and essentially a form of protest. Once they adapt to the new pattern and become confident in it, crying is not necessary. Sleep training is never about abandonment. You always intervene when necessary EG. Illness or genuine distress.

Lastly, if what you said was true, we'd have evidence for it...and we don't. There is no evidence that sleep training causes any short or long term ill effects.

You don't need to teach babies to sleep for God's sake!! It's such a weird load of Victorian nonsense - do you think there is any other culture in the world that thinks it has to 'train' children or babies to go to sleep!!
Stop letting weird psuedo-scientists get in your head.

And no OP, don't feel you have to stop co-sleeping because your strange partner wants to bully your son into being a 'man'. How ridiculous.

These threads always go a bit weird.

A lot of children are honestly, seriously, quite happy in their own beds, just as I am.

They don’t want an adult tossing and turning next to them and I don’t want a child kicking me throughout the night!

Vastly? What are the stats?

Yes she needs to night wean, but that doesn’t mean she is babying him!! she is clearly trying to do her best for her child.

The co-sleeping is fine but I don’t think you should still be feeding your 2.5 year old twice in the night IMO. I don’t feed my 1 year old twice in the night and she (mostly) co sleeps.

If he goes to his dad's 2 nights a week and dad doesn't want to co sleep and isn't feeding him ( presumably), then what is going to happen? If dad puts the child into bed by himself is that OK? I think the problem really is that dad wants to sleep by himself, which is fine, and it's confusing for the child.

Oh give over. Kids grow out of co sleeping at their own pace. How many 15 year olds do you know who still co-sleep? Every person on the planet grows out of it eventually, the idea that if you don't train it out of them they won't stop is ridiculous.

I never Co slept in the same bed with DD as I was concerned about the SIDS risk. But she was in the room with me until about 1. Then in her own room next door. The night she went into her own space she slept so much better - she went to sleep quickly and without fuss and slept through. We used to keep each other awake I think! She always wanted to be in her own space - I used to ask her if she’d like to sleep in my room sometimes if we’d had a girly day or were cuddling up watching a film etc but she always has chosen her own bed. Very very rarely hasn’t she wanted to be with me and she’s been given the choice!
Now a lovely, happy and confident 14 year old.

4 kids never co slept they have all had routine and been excellent sleepers. This is something I absolutely refused to compromise on everyone needs sleep. Bedtime is bedtime. I need time in the evening to not have kids attached to me. I don't understand co sleeping do you all go to bed at 7 when your kids do, do you have multiple kids in your bed, do you just not have sex, what if you get a new partner do you randomly kick your kids out. Do you never have a night out.

At what age are you going to give your child his own bed ? My co worker allowed her son to cosleep with her until he was in his teens. totally messed his head. This is about you not your child.

Yeah you keep telling yourself dude. Babying actual babies is weird after all.