I’m going to say it - right now I wish I’d never had a child

[ThatJadeHedgehog]

I’ve actually never felt like this before. I have a nearly 2.5 year old daughter. I have a great relationship with her typically, after the newborn stage which I hated. It did feel worth it for a while but these past few months it just really hasn’t.

I used to have lovely friends, play sports, go on holiday and have great relationships with people.

Idiot that I am decided to have a baby and now life is hugely shit.

Literally all I do now is go to work. And it’s the highlight of my day because at least I get to sit down in peace. I literally will the hours to go slower before the mundane bedtime nightmare starts. I work in a highly stressful job and of course weekends are spent dragging myself round the park or soft play with no rest whatsoever.

I never see anyone all my friends have forgotten about me cos why the hell wouldn’t they. I’m never free to do anything and I’m boring as hell. Can’t do any hobbies or anything even like watching a football match or some shit something will happen to stop me. I just have no life whatsoever. Last night we were awake 4 hours in the middle of the night so even if I had the opportunity to do stuff, which I don’t, I wouldn’t have the energy.

My partner works evening shifts and so do I sometimes. Daughter is a shit sleeper so I can’t put her to sleep and go out while my partner is WFH. Ive been looking into babysitting - have got one outing booked for a gig but I’m going alone since I’m now friendless and I’ll probably be too tired. And I can’t afford a babysitter that often so weekly hobbies and stuff won’t work.

Honestly just feels like there’s absolutely no point in living. I’ve no motivation to be here whatsoever, but I have to because that’s another one of the great perks of being a parent.

I’m bored beyond belief. I’ve watched all the TV. I’m exhausted so nothing is fun. I thought she’d sleep by now. Now I don’t think she ever will. i have hounded the NHS for answers with little success.

Respectfully I’d rather no one told me to go to the GP about depression. Of course I’m depressed - my life is empty and I haven’t slept in 1000 years.

do other people feel like this?? Are there answers? I guess it won’t go on forever but a) I won’t have any friends left b) this may actually kill me before it’s over and c) the way this is going I will be an entirely different, very dull, person by the time she is older.

My eldest didn’t sleep and I wish I’d just sleep trained her. By the time I had my second I did a gentle version of cry it out and it made my life so much easier. He slept well from 6 months. As opposed to my eldest who was a nighttime toddler terrorist. I know you’re against CIO but you can’t pour from an empty cup, if I could go back I’d have just left her to cry for short intervals.

I really hated baby and toddler groups and didn't find "mum friends" until my kids started school (but then found some good ones!)

I get that your partner took the job because he had to, but is he keeping an eye on what else is out there? Because it sounds like everything would be far easier if he could be around in the evenings.

When one of my friends struggled in earlier motherhood i still made efforts to see her so im sorry your friends aren’t around. Im completely understood how hard a time she was having and i actually made all the effort for a long time. Going to gets, paying for a cheap lunch etc. I worked really hard to keep our friendship and try and help her be something other than mum.

Id say it would be easier for us to catch up now they are older but as her kids are teens i now see her less as they are always so busy: sports, concerts, taxi for kids, But are friendship is solid.

However i think you probably need friends with children right now, so you can catch up with the kids on those walks in the park or trips to soft play. If you are both off all weekend is there any scope for a couple of hours to yourselves each at any point? Can you contact your friends and explain what a tough time you are having, if they knew i’m sure some would want to see you. It’s often hard for non parents to understand the change. No one cares about messy houses really.

Like many posters have said it does get easier as they age and are less fully dependant in time.

Hmmm... 2 and a half is hard, but it passes quickly. In the meantime:

• get some mum friends and hang out on a night drinking wine & eating crisps. Go to buggy fit or something like that on a weekend to meet them or reconnect with prenatal type groups. Local mates in the same situation are really important - maybe even have a look on your road or chat to people at the dreaded soft play. All things toddler are better if you have an adult to talk to.
• have a day off sick and send dd to nursery anyway that day - day out/mental health day
• agree with pp that anything with a creche is your friend, I lived in the US when mine were that age and the YMCA was cheap & had a creche. I never exercised there, just put her in the creche and went in the (minging) hot tub.

Good luck!

Massively appreciate you sharing this with me. I know its mumsnet and I have invited it but every ‘adjust your expectations’ comment implying I am shit because I want a life does sting a bit - especially because as ive previously wrote on this thread people seem to think because I’m fucking sad that I don’t love or like my daughter or that I want to slot her into my life or that I never play with her. It’s sad to say how much people equate not LOVING BEING A MUM above all else with being a shit mum. There is no one on this earth more loved than my little girl. So why do people assume that’s not true because I’m not talking about ‘these precious years’?

and then at the same time I’m a shit mum because I’m not leaving her to CIO 🤯 what’s the truth? I actually think it’s totally cool beans if you want to sleep train but you just can’t leave my little girl to cry alone. She didn’t ask to be born into this world, I put her here and I am responsible for making her feel safe even if it absolutely sucks. Keep your fingers crossed for me for her ENT surgery - I have heard miracles stories and I reckon I’m due a miracle so we will see 😂

ANYWAY rant over. Most of the comments on this thread have actually been hugely helpful. It’s nice to know it’s not just me. I know 2-3 is famously rough age. I know this will end it’s just hard to see a way forward sometimes. OH took her into nursery this morning and I’ve booked off work til noon, granted nothing planned but I can read a book for a bit and collect myself.

I SHALL try to get a friend over soon and sink some cash into babysitting/extra nursery maybe. We already need 40 hours just for work so funding wise we are extremely maxed out - we do claim everything. My partner and I work about 100 hours between us to pay for life - that’s just being 30s in this day and age.