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Original poster

Alcohol as a treat for 11yr old

126 replies

mummyflood · 09/06/2008 19:16

Hi everyone.

I have been shopping with a friend today (supermarket) and she has frankly shocked me with something she bought, would be very interested in your opinions on this.

She has 2 DC's daughter 14 and son 11. Down the booze aisle, she suddenly said 'right, a treat for x', and picked up a 4-pack of cheap lager. X is 11yr old son. She then picked up a 2 litre bottle of cider and said 'I will share this with y', y being 14yr old daughter. I said 'are you serious, x is only 11', thinking she was winding me up, which she said in all seriousness, 'yes, I know, but he only has one once a month and it lasts ages...all night'.

How many of you think its no biggie to give an 11yr old lager as a treat, as its only about once a month, does this come into the area of introducing alcohol in the safety of your own home at this age, would it make a difference if it was made into a shandy, is it me being totally OTT or out of touch with my own kids (14 and 12) - ??!!??

TIA
xxMFxx

OP posts:

LuckySalem · 09/06/2008 19:19

I think if it was made into a REALLY weak shandy it wouldnt ba AS bad but still....... I think i'd only just be letting the 14yr old start with shandys tbh

Herodias · 09/06/2008 19:21

My children (12 and 10) have a small glass of wine diluted with lemonade/water at dinner occasionally.

Threadwormm · 09/06/2008 19:21

Doesn't sound right to me. A mouthful only for DS 12. And he isn't really interested anyway -- as he shouldn't be at that age.

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Threadwormm · 09/06/2008 19:22

x-post herodias: I meant OP's friend

bamboostalks · 09/06/2008 19:23

I think there is a big difference between cheap beer and cider being provided and watered down wine. I wouldn't dream of it, am quite amazed at that story actually.

bamboostalks · 09/06/2008 19:23

I think there is a big difference between cheap beer and cider being provided and watered down wine. I wouldn't dream of it, am quite amazed at that story actually.

GordontheGopher · 09/06/2008 19:24

I plan to do things the French way and have already let DS (2) have a few tiny sips of wine and beer. I think that way it's no big deal when they're older.

However I'm not too sure about a whole can!

iamdingdong · 09/06/2008 19:25

a whole can is a bit much at that age and turning alcohol into a 'treat' risks the danger of it becoming the forbidden fruit and therefore more desirable - I can see some sense in allowing some alcohol at a young age though, as they do in France, Spain, Italy, where binge drinking is far less of a problem

Threadwormm · 09/06/2008 19:27

Yes, 'treat' is the word that made me shudder. Really sad that an 11 yo would regard alcohol as a treat. When DS has a sip it is only that we don't want to make it 'forbidden fruit. He doesn't really get a lot from it.

nametaken · 09/06/2008 19:42

There is a world of difference between letting your child have a sip of wine with a meal and buying nasty lager and cider for them to down in one evening - what next, a farking spliff and line of coke on a Saturday night?

mamamamama · 09/06/2008 19:47

DD (12 yo) very very occasionally has a bottle of Waitrose 1% cider if it's a special occasion. I was horrified recently though to find a friend of mine lets her 13 year old have a bottle of WKD every now and again.

AbbeyA · 09/06/2008 20:01

Calling alcohol a 'treat' is a big mistake IMO.

MadamePlatypus · 09/06/2008 20:07

I think these children must be having a 'treat' fairly often to find cheap lager and cider palatable.

Also, there are plenty, plenty, plenty of alcoholics drinking very cheap wine in France, Italy and Spain. I think they are better at having family time together and this perhaps keeps their teenagers off the streets, but they certainly have an alcohol problem. (Although perhaps they don't have the additional problem that Northern Europeans have of justifying a bottle of wine because its what the continentals do).

MadamePlatypus · 09/06/2008 20:55

Perhaps that last post was a bit snarky. I am sure I had been given a glass of wine by the age of 12, but my parents aren't big drinkers. Other family members used the 'like the continentals/teaching them to drink sensibly' line to justify drinking large amounts of alcohol with children.

mistressmiggins · 09/06/2008 20:59

we were offered wine on a Sunday at lunch time or a shandy....my brother used to take up the offer but I never did.
I think the french have the right idea but buying alcohol as a treat at their age seems odd to me

ravenAK · 09/06/2008 21:04

Doesn't surprise me.

I was once involved in a week's school residential trip (to a PGL site - abseiling, climbing, canoeing - all activities you'd not want your dc doing pissed or hungover).

We found that one mum had sent her dd with 2 four packs of cider & a half bottle of vodka...so that she & her mates could have a midnight feast to celebrate the dd's 13th.

Wine with a meal, fair enough.

Original poster

mummyflood · 09/06/2008 22:19

It was the 'treat' aspect that got to me above all else - it's the message that's being given, but then again its not that much of a departure from her general parenting style. She is quite paranoid about either of the kids falling behind their peers - eg belly button piercing at 12, much more social freedom than anyone else I know with kids of a similar age, the latest DVD's almost before they are released, hair bleached for at least the last 3 years,- etc, etc. What I am saying is that I suspect this could be a case of when their friends say 'guess what, I tried beer last night', her two will be able to turn round and say 'well, I have been having it for ages'.

However it horrifies me that alcohol is a far more serious issue than body adornments or material things. I try to keep stumm (sp?) most of the time, but I have said to her on a couple of occasions that it is almost as if it is her that is feeling the peer pressure and not the kids!

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 09/06/2008 22:54

i remember going to a friends 40th birthday party and taking DD1 who was 11 at the time, the same age as my friends DD. She came into the room with a bacardi breezer and sort of said to me "look what ive got mum" in an "im not sure if i should have this idea!" I was absolutely fuming!! I was then put in a position where i had to say to DD, no im sorry, you can't have that. It turns out it was given to DD by some creep of a friend of my friends who DP had to be steered away from so he didn't land one on him, and my DP is the most unviolent person i know. My friends DD was "legless" and flirting with my friends boss by the end of the evening - very uncomfortable watching. We left early.

lucyellensmum · 09/06/2008 22:57

So far as alcohol and teens, hmmmm, we never really allowed it much more than the odd glass of wine with dinner, but DD used to go a very bright red - so we thought it probably wasn't a good idea. She is 18 next week and i have been buying her the odd alcoholic drink in the pub, but she has done the whole drinking in the park with mates, falling down drunk routine and seems to have "grown out of it" I certainly wouldnt buy alcohol specifically for a young teen to have at home, no way

jollyjolly · 09/06/2008 23:03

well i was amazed at an 11 yr old been given drink by parents, but a 2 year old!!! i'm sorry but i wouldn't dream of giving my 2 year old alcohol, in any quantity. there are plenty of child friendly drinks for young children, alcohol is not one of them regardless of how its done in europe.
11 year old, is rather young to buy cans for too.

Each to their own though.

mumeeee · 09/06/2008 23:14

My children were allowed a sip of our beer or wine from the age of 10 but I would not let an 11 year old have a whole can of lager.
Gordonthe gopher do you know it is actually illegal to give undre fives alcohol even if it is in your home.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/06/2008 23:19

I am uncertain about this. I grew up with wine as an integral part of a nice meal. Nobody at my house got drunk, but alcohol was normal, and nice. When my friends started drinking and experimenting with alcohol, getting drunk beyond recognition, I was not amongst them, I was familiar with alcohol and it had no specific appeal to me. SO, I stayed sober when others got drunk.

RosaLuxembourg · 09/06/2008 23:26

Some people are just impossible to understand. I remember tearing a strip off my sister when she demonstrated the funny face her DD made when she gave her a sip of wine. Her DD was six months old at this point. This little party routine had obviously been done many times before and she was shocked that I objected.
My oldest is almost 11. She has never wanted to try alcohol although she sees DH and I drinking it with dinner a couple of nights a week. I certainly wouldn't give her a can of lager and I don't think you are being OTT by finding it shocking, buying a child alcohol at 11 is not going to help him learn to drink responsibly IMO.

cory · 09/06/2008 23:55

Sip out of my glass is absolutely the most my 11yo will be getting. Can of lager sounds like a seriously bad idea.

partaria · 10/06/2008 09:35

would never buy alcohol for my children at thet age but ds1 and ds2 (14 and 13) very occasionally have about 1-2cm of wine in a wine glass (ie not very much) with a meal eg on holiday or another special occasion like a birthday. But tbh they can take it or leave it and prefer lemonade or smoothies. that's the way i like it. Dd (9) has tried a tiny sip of champagne which she pronounced "Yuk ! I can't see how people can possibly enjoy drinking this".

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