Alcohol as a treat for 11yr old

[mummyflood]

Hi everyone.

I have been shopping with a friend today (supermarket) and she has frankly shocked me with something she bought, would be very interested in your opinions on this.

She has 2 DC's daughter 14 and son 11. Down the booze aisle, she suddenly said 'right, a treat for x', and picked up a 4-pack of cheap lager. X is 11yr old son. She then picked up a 2 litre bottle of cider and said 'I will share this with y', y being 14yr old daughter. I said 'are you serious, x is only 11', thinking she was winding me up, which she said in all seriousness, 'yes, I know, but he only has one once a month and it lasts ages...all night'.

How many of you think its no biggie to give an 11yr old lager as a treat, as its only about once a month, does this come into the area of introducing alcohol in the safety of your own home at this age, would it make a difference if it was made into a shandy, is it me being totally OTT or out of touch with my own kids (14 and 12) - ??!!??

TIA
xxMFxx

[Buda]

I was allowed wine with a meal sometimes as a teenager but my parents always bought crap wine and it was enough to put me off for quite a while!

DS sees us drinking regularly. He has smelt wine but pronounces it disgusting. He has had some froth of DH's beer. I would not want him to try any more.

A friend came back from a wedding in the UK recently and was horrified that 10 year olds were drinking bacardi breezers with their parents full knowledge! 14 year olds were taking their boyfriends up to their hotel rooms!

[Tommy]

I remember getting a litle bottle of Babycham in my Christmas stocking when I was 14 - naughty Father Christmas

However I agree with the OP in that buying it as a "treat" when they are that young is really a bit outrageous actually. It sounds like it's a regular treat and not an acasional specual occasion one which I think would be more sensible and which we would do with our DSs when they are older.

[JodieG1]

I wouldn't call alcohol a treat. I don't let, and won't let, any of mine drink until they are much older. I don't argee with it personally.

I don't like the idea of 11 year olds or younger drinking, there is no need and it affects their bodies a lot more than an adults, even a 14 year old I wouldn't be happy about.

[Morloth]

Yeah the word "treat" worries me.

I am sure this is going to get me slammed, but there is a tradition in my family of rubbing a tiny bit of really really really good/expensive champagne on a newborn's gums within hours of birth. Kind of a "Welcome to the World, look how good it is!" type thing.

We sometimes have a bottle of wine with dinner and our 4 year old has had tiny sips and also had a wine glass full of water with a "dash" of wine at sit down dinners etc. Same with beer, if the BBQ is on and we are having a beer he has been allowed to taste.

Never in a million years would I actually purposely buy booze for a child. Never.

It's not a treat alcohol is just something you have sometimes with a meal (I will admit that I do sometimes have a little TOO much wine with dinner, but the side effect of getting drunk is just that a side effect and not the purpose of having a glass of wine), I would like to think that we are teaching him to be properly discerning!

[Threadwormm]

A friend of ours put champagne on our newborn first son's lips. I was surprised, but I thought it was quite a lovely thing to do. I'm sure there is no harm in it, and the symbolism that you mention is lovely.

[VictorianSqualor]

DD is seven, new years eve she stayed up and had some champagne, she didn't like it too much though and decided she wanted to have some lemonade instead.

I see no problem with children growing up around alcohol and special occasions being given some, but I do see a problem with children drinking it in the same way I and DP do for example. In fact, dp grew up in a house were form a decent age he was allowed a little stubby bottle of beer at xmas, or when his dad had one, as was his brother, they are really good with alcohol. I grew up with alcohol being prohibited, or seeing people getting absolutely hammered, it took me a long time to gain a healthy relationship with alcohol.

We are never drunk around the children, possibly tipsy once they are in bed, a few beers with a BBQ or a couple of glasses of wine for me/ beers for DP are normal in our house, but I can't see cheap cider and beer being anything more than to get drunk, it's not enjoyable, and she is just teaching her children to have unhealthy associations with alcohol.

[milkymill]

I am quite shocked at the op, and it just seems all wrong. However the 'how to approach alcohol?' issue is one I'm unsure of.

I grew up with a very unhealthy attitude towards drinking, I think partly due to my parents (binge drinkers) and partly due to my personality type. I now have what I believe is a healthy relationship with alcohol; will have a glass of wine with a meal occassionly, and enjoy a couple of drinks on an evening at the weekend.

I'm leaning towards the continental approach, but something inside me wants to say "No, alcohol is not for children at all". It's very interesting to read of others' experiences with alcohol when they were growing up, snd how it has affected their attitudes towards it now. I'm hoping it's as simple as: If we as parents demonstrate restraint etc, then our children will follow?

[DirtySexyMummy]

Agree with Quint and VS.

mamamamama - you buy your daughter 1% cider but were horrified that your friend gives her daughter WKD? Its only 4% more. One suggests you may be being snobby?

(It was the specification of Waitrose cider that gave it away )

[Morloth]

I think so milkymill, everything in moderation. This is how both DH and I were raised and neither of us have any sort of unhealthy relationship with anything (with the possible exception of chocolate on my part).

A little of this a little of that - I think with parenting as long as you avoid either extreme (i.e. neglect vs. smothering) kids will turn out OK.

[Enid]

THE FRENCH WAY IS A COMPLETE RED HERRING

god that makes me furious

why on earth would you give a 2 year old wine?

just say no - it doesnt mean they are all going to grow up to be alcoholics ffs

[Enid]

if you want to be 'continental' set a good example and don't drink much yourself except wine with food and drink plenty of water during the meal

aha thats not so easy is it? easier just to get pissed yoruself and let your children have booze and kid yourself you are being all 'continental'

meh

[DirtySexyMummy]

Enid - treating something as normal is less likely to lead to it being seeked out at a later stage as a 'forbidden fruit'.

Its actually widely proven that it does make a difference.

[francagoestohollywood]

We were allowed to drink an inch of wine, with sparkling water at dinnertime as older children. But that was Italy in the Seventies, I think most families did the same.

[milkymill]

Good to know you (healthy background) agree . I think it can be difficult to judge when one's own experiences have been negative; almost makes me want to completely condemn it iyswim?

[milkymill]

To Morloth

[Enid]

really? dsm

so parents should smoke so that kids think smoking is normal? Obviously the fact aht dh and I dont smoke will make our children have a 40 a day habit by 16

[Morloth]

See Enid I disagree, I approach it from the other angle, why not?

I don't know if it is the French way or not (we are not British so a lot of the time I don't really understand this love/hate relationship that goes on with the French here).

But I just cannot see any problem at all with v. small children trying tiny bits of wine/beer, would I give my toddler a sippy cup with wine in it? Of course not. Would I let my toddler touch his lips to my wine glass to try? Certainly.

[milkymill]

Enid - smoking in moderation is extremely bad for you! Drinking isn't.

[Enid]

yes I wouldn't pee my pants if my 2 year grabgbed my wine glass and drank some

but I would never, ever encourage them to try it

thats just plain odd

[Enid]

drinking is bad for you if you are 11, or 2 for that matter

[DirtySexyMummy]

Er, no Enid. You seem to have misunderstood.

Its the other way round. If the parents 'ban' something, and it is forbidden, then children will actively want to try it at some point during their rebellious stage.

Not all children, I must add for those who are confused!

[DirtySexyMummy]

Drinking small sips is not bad for you.

[ConnorTraceptive]

I'm with Enid actually. My parents drank very little and really only bought alchohol at xmas or had some if we went out for a meal. We used to be allowed a small shandy when they did drink which we loved and tbh as an adult I can take or leave alcohol.

[Enid]

yes and I am saying that I ban smoking - by not smoking and generally saying it is bad - does this mean my children will defiintely smoke?

I drink normally around my children. With a meal and with plenty of water between drinks. If they want to grow up and drink like me thats great.

tbh they have no interest in trying it - thank god, they are children not mini adults