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Original poster

DD13 told us to f*** off.

205 replies

GoldenRoses25 · 27/11/2025 22:37

I have name changed for this.
It's late - 10 15pm and she's upset because I won't order a Pandora bracelet as they put the price up from this morning. I told her it may be Black Friday but retailers still do dynamic pricing.

She had been given a £35 voucher but that doesn't cover the cost of a charm bracelet. I was going to pay the extra but I said we'd wait now.

I think she gets grounded and doesn't go out tomorrow with friends
DH thinks I'm always dangling punishments over her. I have a tricky relationship with her, that's true and I know I can be quite punitive. However I don't think such bad language can be ignored.

Any advice appreciated
Screen ban doesn't seem sufficient.

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/11/2025 00:54

T1Dmama · 29/11/2025 00:39

No it’s not a joke, it’s an old term …

like ‘I’ll give you something to cry for in a minute’
or
‘I’ll give you a clip round the ear’
or
’if you don’t behave you won’t be able to sit down for a week’ (on account of having a sore backside after being smacked!)

parents used to threaten their kids with violence … it very much WAS the done thing.. my mum was subjected to physical punishments… it wasn’t the norm but it also wasn’t rare….. and people knew about it and felt that ‘what happened behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors’…. There was no reporting parents to social services back in the 50’s/60’s..

Show quote history

Oh yes, I heard all those and more as a child and no they were not threats but promises as my parents were extremely abusive. I conceded that certain unsavoury people might repeat them as a bluff/joke.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/11/2025 00:57

mellymoop · 29/11/2025 00:45

Well, i guess you are correct if the 'abuse and neglect' you talk of constitute allowing your kids to grow up as entitled brats without boundaries, getting away with bad behaviour and never being told 'no'.

Show quote history

Nah, I’m more speaking about your antiquated view which is spare the rod and spoil the child that has been debunked. It’s actually neglectful and abusive behaviour by parents that spoils that child. This often includes capricious or extreme punishments, a lot of do as I say not as I do, and other generally nasty treatment of a child.

mellymoop · 29/11/2025 02:03

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/11/2025 00:57

Nah, I’m more speaking about your antiquated view which is spare the rod and spoil the child that has been debunked. It’s actually neglectful and abusive behaviour by parents that spoils that child. This often includes capricious or extreme punishments, a lot of do as I say not as I do, and other generally nasty treatment of a child.

Show quote history

If you think that establishing clear boundaries, telling your kids 'no' and no allowing them to get away with bad behaviour is 'capricious' and 'extreme' then I'm sorry - but you are deranged .

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AliceMaforethought · 29/11/2025 11:45

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PigeonsandSquirrels · 29/11/2025 12:05

mellymoop · 28/11/2025 01:51

You absolutely need to follow through on punishment for swearing at you - that is completely unacceptable and she needs to know that. Perhaps she has to wait until next birthday or milestone for her bracelet. Its not so much the swearing but the lack of respect that it shows.

But it sounds like you need to really work on your relationship with her. Do weekly fun stuff together - late night shopping, cinema, go for ice-cream, whatever. Sounds like you dont like each other very much, and its probably a good idea to try to change this before she gets much older - or the rest of her teens are going to miserable for you both.

Edited

Meh. I wouldn’t respect my mother either if she was Op. Clearly showing her child she doesn’t like or love her, prefers their elder sibling and thinks she’s an ungrateful cow despite OP admitting she resents and dislikes her for CRYING AS A NEWBORN.

I’d tell her to fuck off too. Agree though that, OP you need to sort it out, put your DD in therapy, be kinder to her, do things just with her and keep your promises to her. When you think of her negatively, reroute your mind by thinking of something you like about her. Only then will a bond grow. Only then will she possibly grow up less damaged by you.

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