My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

Do you not understand that people have different lives, routines, and needs to yours?

Personally I do think it’s late but then I also think your DC’s 8.30 bedtime is very early for a 10YO. But both fine because every family is different and kids are individuals with varying sleep needs. So long as yours isn’t missing out on activities to force an early bedtime and hers isn’t overtired at school then I don’t see the issue really. You’re just both doing what works for you/your kids.

If they couldn’t sleep and were reading in bed then that’s one thing. I wouldn’t be letting a ten year old be glued to a screen until midnight.

Incidentally today I came across an article summarising peer reviewed research showing that for children, it's not just how many hours of sleep they get that matters, but when that sleep happens. And for children who went to sleep before 9.30pm they had better test scores than those who went to bed later, even if both groups had the same amount of sleep.
So it can make a difference...

Unfortunately I can't for the life of me remember where I found the article so I can't find it anymore!

That late a bedtime will be impacting upon the child at school. It's one thing if sleep is a major issue (medical reasons etc, whereby children are awake but completing quiet activities in their room) but screen time will be having a negative impact.

All children are different. My nearly 12 year old has a 20.45 bedtime during the week and she sometimes falls asleep before that! She has an early morning and relatively long school commute though.

Midnight seems late to me, but 8.30pm sounds very early for a 10-year-old. Ultimately I suspect this is one to file under ‘Not my business’.

From my own perspective, I went to bed around 10pm at that age but I was never actually asleep until past midnight. I’ve had insomnia most of my life and have always been a night owl. It didn’t hold me back as a kid.

Not sure it matters really as long as the child is happy, doing well at school and not tired in the day then I see no issue? My 5yo doesn't go to sleep until 10/10.30 on school nights - I've tried everything to bring that time earlier to no avail so eventually gave up. He isn't tired in the day, school say he doesn't seem tired to them and he gets up at 7 no problems. He's been this way since he was a baby. My other child who is older goes to sleep a little earlier no problems.

I think it possibly seems odd if you have child that gets tired more easily, but some kids just don't need the sleep!

Of course midnight is far too late for a 10 year old to go to bed on school nights.

You are not 'old fashioned', OP!

My children are young adults now but age 10, I think bedtime was around 9pm.

Midnight is also far too late for a 10 year old to be gaming or watching TV.

I would wonder if you have the full picture. Is the 10yo actually wandering around the house doing whatever they want until midnight? Does the 10yo in fact have a bedtime routine and an attempt at a schedule, but suffers from anxiety or other issues and the parents know from experience that allowing a spiral to happen doesn’t help create sleep? So occasionally allowing a distraction and then trying bedtime again results in more sleep than just trying the same thing over and over again?

or maybe that is just my house and having a child with autism. You learn to do anything to get them some sleep, even if it seems crazy to other people.

Don’t move to Spain OP!

Not your child, not your business OP. Different things work for different people.

It’s not how I would parent but it’s none of your business unless there are other more serious things going on too.

One of my children never needed much sleep and was regularly up til around 11pm, sometimes later at that age, not gaming, but still up. He’d get up at 7am, not at all tired. He always behaved well at school and performed well academically. Not every child needs lots of sleep.

Get on with raising your own children and let your friend do the same. I wouldn’t class you as a friend if I was her and found out you had posted this.

My husband hasn’t been to bed before midnight since he was around that age. He can cope with next to no sleep. We were talking once about sleepovers with friends when we were young and he said he never went to them because at 9-10pm they would be going to bed and he was like ‘oh might well just head home then!’

My child has never slept much, at all, but is consistently near top of his class for nearly all subjects. It does worry me, but nothing has ever seemed to make any difference. Going to bed at 8.30 pm would either mean lying there bored for hours or waking up at 4 am!

my advice on this would be not to judge. My 9 year old can rarely stay awake past 9pm however my older son at that age would still be awake at midnight. He’s like his father who for the last 20 years I’ve known him only needs 4 hours sleep a night. I couldn’t manage on that but he’s very much still going in fact he has way more energy than I do on 8 hours.

It is helpful to remember that all children are different

There will be a spectrum at that age as some
variation in school starting times that will account of a bit of difference. However, I think midnight is at the extreme end and for most children, allowing them to stay up gaming until that time is not going to be good for them. I don’t think that makes you old fashioned but you have been a bit mean putting this up about a friend. You could have made the post much more general about bedtimes in the pre-teen age group.

It's true for adults too. Something about producing more of the sleep hormone earlier in the night and getting better REM sleep (can't remember myself exactly) but the sleep you get before midnight is better quality than the sleep you get after

I agree with you Op. My 10 year old has lights out on school nights at about 8:30pm too so staying up gaming until midnight would definitely be out of the ordinary here!!

Even on weekends my 10 year old is in bed by 9:30!

Don't think you are old fashioned. That is far too late for child,
How can someone let 10 year old gaming past midnight.
It's not healthy for them, their brain development, their attention in school, grades and so on.
Our 7 year old goes to bed 7.30 to read till 8.
9 Year old goes 8, read till 8.30.
Both up at 7AM.

It is later than most children go to bed, but everyone is different. I used to stay up late as a child reading in my room, TV had to go off earlier though, and there was no tablets or smart phones then.

Most nights I would fall asleep between 11 and 12. It never impacted me, I got top grades in everything and I am still a night owl now, its the just the way I am.

Maybe they get up later in the morning? Ours go to sleep late, admittedly not that late, but they dont have to get up until 8am as we live next door to school and we both mostly WFH. Some friends' kids are getting up at 6am!