My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

My kids (9 and 12) have always gone to bed a bit later as I don't get home from work until later. We have a couple of hours and they are in bed by 10ish. We are not an early bird family though so I usually wake them up at 7.30. Some friends send their kids to bed earlier but are up at 6 so I feel we are just pushing the schedule back a little to fit our lives better. I have never been very good at strict routines, ever, so some days can be a bit more wobbly than others, but everyone is doing well at school. Do the kids seem to be doing ok?

Your 10yrold goes to bed at 8.30?

“Oh shut up!” I say in my best Sharon Tate imitation!

Thanks!

“Oh shut up!” I say in my best Sharon Tate impersonation!

Being up past midnight on it’s own I couldn’t get bothered about. Some kids just don’t sleep well.

But I do think letting a kid have screens that late is ridiculous. They’ve not got a chance of getting a decent nights sleep

Some parents don't give a shit about their children, their priority is their own screen and or a drink. As long as the child is quiet and not bothering them they are happy. No concern for their child's mental or physical health. Humans need dark and sleep for their bodies to rest and recover.

My 10 year old goes to bed at 830 through the week. Stays up a bit later at weekends. However we allow later nights for football games etc. Most of his friends do the same.

You'd hate ours then, it's 7.30 with lights out at 8 but he wakes at 6am and always has done, later nights = earlier wake up (a consistent 5am) and a very tired child.

Different children (and different families) have different needs, wouldn't work for us but I have friends who it works for.

My ds is 13, and I like him in bed between 10-10.30pm. He needs the sleep otherwise he's a nightmare to get up.

He's the youngest of 4, and I've never been a stickler for set bedtimes but this one needs the routine. On the other hand dd19 has always been really good at realising how much sleep she needs. Now she knows that she needs a good 10 hours, and goes to bed early during the week as she has to get up for work. She's soooo moody if she doesn't get enough sleep!

DS tells me this sort of stuff. I just agree (I can't believe anybody is letting their do this 5 nights a week) on a regular basis surely it would catch up with you. Its even late for an adult when you have to be up the next day OP.

All children are different I have a 10 year old who stays up until 10 but then can’t sleep. I also have an 8 year old who takes herself off to bed at 7 because she’s absolutely tired out and will still struggle to get up in the morning. Neither is right or wrong but what works for them.

When you say bed time do you mean 'in room by then' or 'in bed to sleep' then?

If you mean in their room then thats disingenuous to pretend they are superior for that and if you mean you expect them to go to sleep then what time do you expect them to wake?

12 hours sleep at 10 is pretty excessive, my 4 year old doesn't even sleep that long.

My DS would really struggle with this and my DH would struggle to stay up that late. But I stayed up that late as a DC and sailed through school and still stay up that late now most nights.

Phew DD goes at 9, sometimes I do too or 9.30 and DH at 10🙈.
DD got up at 8am today so school was a rush and tonight she will go at 8.30.

Hope she is monitoring what he is watching or playing at midnight

I was always up late as a kid. I’m not a good sleeper and definitely can’t sleep when I’m not tired. I recall when I was in high school I’d regularly be on my pc til 2am, 3am etc. Still on time, still in top set for everything, still performed fine in exams with minimal effort.

Everyone is different.

My ADHD tribe never slept early no matter how much routine we did they still like it as adults but have jobs that suit a nightowl

That's some pretty piss poor parenting.

This.

Ultimately 10 year olds need a certain amount of sleep and too much screen time isn't good for them.

How much sleep your individual child needs and what time they get up in the morning matters. Its not necessarily compariable with the next family.

DS's best mate goes to bed really early. But his family are all up really early. We on the other had can roll out of bed 20 mins before DS needs to leave for school and everything is ok. So he stays up later. But I don't think either necessarily gets significantly more sleep. Its just we organise in a different way.

I do think however you do it, screen time til bed doesn't work and there is a limit to how much is healthy. I'mfar from anti-screens. I'm pro-good management of screens.

Being up after midnight on screens isn't good. Being up after midnight for a specific occasional reason, I'm not completely adverse to in the right situation. But not every night.

8:30 lights out is unusually early, midnight is unusually late. So she’s probably going to post similar about you 🤷🏻‍♀️

A 10 year old generally still wouldn’t be going to bed past midnight on school days, that’s highly unusual.

10pm would be a reasonable time imo. No way you could stuff a kid in bed at 8:30pm. Maybe a toddler.

Ah Mumsnet posters love to bend over backwards playing devil’s advocate to any situation.

No, a ten year old should not be up to midnight playing video games. It’s shockingly poor parenting.

That’s fascinating. Can you please provide a link to the research (or even the article which I assume will help me find the original research paper)? I would love to read it.

I wouldn’t enter into any discussion about it but I dont know a single person who would allow their child to stay up to that time on a school night (obviously not referring to SEN children who may struggle with sleep). I think that’s a special treat on holidays when they can sleep in the next day and that would be a couple of nights on holiday (not every night). I can’t imagine any teacher or health professional would think a bedtime later than between 8 or at a push 9pm would be a good idea for a 10 year old.

However, I wouldn’t bring the conversation up again and if its an issue with tiredness at school or behaviour, that would be a conversation for the school with her. You can have the opinion (which I think most would agree with) but i’d keep it to myself unless she specifically wants your views on it.