My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

My 10 and 12 year olds are in bed at 8.30 on a school night. They’re up at 6.30, leave the house at 7.30 and don’t get home until 5.15, then have homework and extra curricular activities so they need the sleep!
Mine have always had an earlier bedtime than a lot appear to, but also they have never really tantrummed even as toddlers, are impeccably behaved, excel at academics and sports so I’ve figured it can’t be causing them any harm.

I think both are extreme, your friend and you. My 10yo is barely home from her activites by 8.30 some evenings, I'd never see her if I put her straight to bed.

Its seems late to me, but everyone in my house is in bed before 10pm. I suppose everyone is different and its whatever works.

I have a night owl. He’s 17 now, but at 10 it was virtually impossible to get him to sleep before midnight. No matter how busy his day was or whether or not he was anywhere near a screen, he was full of beans. Not a bother to get up in the mornings. And doing well at school. That all changed when he was about 14 when he still couldn’t get to sleep, but also couldn’t get up. But if he went to bed at a normal time, he just lay awake ruminating. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and there were a LOT of questions about sleep! I remember reading into the wee small hours with a torch when I was young. Sometimes the morning light would be creeping round the edges of the blind when I finally felt tired. My sister would be snoring away happily in the bottom bunk😅 We’re all different.

They're all different, I guess she knows her own child (although I do doubt a bit that he's not tired after potentially less than 7 hours when he's 10).
My 10 yr old ds is upstairs at 8pm and lights out at 9pm, sometimes he's asleep as early as 8.30 and I still have to wake him up at 7.15 for school. I don't think your bed time is too strict or too early, unless you're finding your child can't get to sleep or is waking up really early. Honestly, I wish I could go to bed before 9pm most days - the more sleep the better for me! I do think it's OK to let them stay up later on the holidays, especially for family time/special occasions but during the school week, if they need their rest then you do have to ensure they get it. I also think my ds would be up much later if he had tv/games consoles available to him, that wouldn't mean he wasn't tired, but he wouldn't sleep if there were more exciting options.

Link below to a paper, and that paper has lots of references to other sleep studies.

Sleep Quality in School-Aged Children: A Concept Analysis - PMC (nih.gov)

Is this the one?

My Spanish friend gives her kids - both under 10 - a small meal at around 10:30 every night. I think it's bonkers... works for them.

My friend's kids (nearly 11 and 8) still go to bed at 7pm, my kids ( the older 2, age 9 and 7) it's 9ish and my 4 year old often falls asleep when he gets home, he then stays up until midnight, if he hasnt had a nap it can be 10pm. No amount of trying to fix his body clock works. I do think it depends what time kids have to be up, my children used to be in breakfast club everyday so were up at 6.30am they did have an earlier bed time then, they can get up as late as 7.45 now, school is a 3minute drive away (25min walk though we aren't just lazy!). If they go to sleep 9.15pm that's a good 10.5 hours sleep. Going to bed at midnight they can still get 8 hours in if they are only getting up at 8am. All children are different, my older 2 have a lot of afterschool activities to tire them out, if they didn't have so much on I'm sure they wouldn't need as much sleep.

Mine would be exhausted and struggle to wake up, and so would most kids I know, so obviously for the majority it's too late.

No way would my 10 yo be sleepy or even ready for bed at 8:30, and if we removed all clubs etc, and somehow made them sleep at 8:30, they would wake up far too early the following morning, and weekends would be a nightmare.

I doubt that child hasn't shown signs of tiredness, it should be obvious and in which case, his parents are bloody lazy and selfish.

Guessing the 11 year old is not at secondary? That would be insane...

Reading this thread, I realized that my 13 year old has never been told to go to bed since she is a toddler.

Usually she goes to bed between 10 and 11. Earlier if tired.

Non school days she will head off to bed for her afternoon nap as well.

How Much Sleep Does My Child Need? - The Sleep Charity

8.30 pm sounds right for a 10-yr old.

Yes it’s too late but their kid their way so nothing you can do x

I guess kids, like adults, need varying amounts of sleep. I am in bed and fast asleep between 9 and 10 every night, as is my daughter. My partner is always 11pm - midnight coming up to bed. We all get up at 7am the next morning. I just need more sleep than him!

Personally, I think midnight for a 10 year old is too late, especially if they're watching TV and gaming. However, my son is the complete opposite and needs his sleep, and would be zombie like if I let him stay up to midnight every night! Having said that, it's down to parents to decide what's best for their own child.

All children are different. One of mine has always been a night owl and it was about that age that I stopped policing her bedtime. She had to be in her room but if she wanted to read/draw/write till she was tired that was fine. She was definitely up till midnight sometimes I'm sure. She's nearly 16 now and a straight A student so her education obviously hasn't suffered!

My other kids (I have 5 in total) have been a mix with one in particular needing a pretty early bed time in order to function the next day.

I cant count on one hand the times I was asleep before midnight. Usually only when very ill. Since I was a kid. Now I usually sleep 2am-ish.

DD13 goes to bed 11-ish, but doesn't sleep straight away. I used to put her to bed a bit earlier when she was younger, 10-10.30, but she still rarely slept before midnight.

We're both owls.

What's the problem here, exactly? You do realize it's only Brits and (potentially) Americans who put their kids to bed at such ludicrous times as 7-8 or something, because they can't be arsed to spend time with them? 'Adult time' or some such bullshit. No one else does it.

Staying up till midnight is not bad if a child is reading a book, playing a non-screen game - like building something or embroidering or piano (quieter keyboard) or just swinging on garden swings, etc. etc. But TV and games and screen until midnight? Who needs enemies with parents like that?

My sister's kids are like this. I feel so sorry for them; constant chaos, snacking all evening, faces in devices, dinner served up at 10pm. It is so irresponsible.

I am on the fence.

There's definitively a Brit thing to put kids to bed as early as possible, as ridiculously early as 5 or 6pm and pretend they could not possibly survive if they were up for 10 more minutes 😂(meanwhile the rest of the world is fine),
and then, complain that young kids are up at 4 or 5am. It's classic 😂

That said, a lot of kids need sleep, so midnight is very late for most, when they have to be up at 7 or 8am. That wouldn't be enough sleep for my kids.

Having said that, it's down to parents to decide what's best for their own child.
Unfortunately, what the parents think is best for the child often isn't what is best for the child.

My DS 13 is up in his room with his phone locked down at 2030 on a school night. He's free to read after this time but tends to be asleep no later than 2200. I usually follow him up at 2100 as I'm knackered by then! We're all up at 0600 and do a lot of running and other activities so need loads of sleep and loads of food!

12am is way too late.Ds 11 goes at 9.30 and thats late enough on a school night imo.

Et voilà 🥇

Is there a question that comes with your post or are you just sharing your opinion?
I wouldn’t let my child stay up til midnight on a school night however I also wouldn’t judge my friend for doing things in their own house just because it’s different to what I’d do