My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

I'm with you OP, I try to get my 10 year old to bed by 8.30pm and follow recommended sleep as closely as possible. I can definitely see the difference in her when she's had a full 10-11 hours than when she's had 7/8. Now and then doesn't harm anyone but there isn't a human alive that doesn't suffer from the cumulative effect of not getting enough sleep. Being over-tired (and over-stimulated) is still as much a thing in older children as it is in younger children. Seeming fine at 10 years old doesn't mean there's no detriment.

But as with everything - we're all different and we all raise our children differently.

People are different but i’d say midnight for a 10 year old (or even a secondary school child) is significantly different to the average bedtime. I’d be surprised if a friend said the same to me.

An adult saying they need 6 instead of 8 is fairly normal - I do it myself but dont have the same energy as with 8 hours sleep.

Midnight is highly unusual for a 10 year old (not including children with SEN etc which OP hasn’t mentioned so can only presume none).

This! Two of mine never slept before midnight. They had to leave the house at 7 am. Both are very high achievers with top jobs.
My sil says hers went to bed at 7.30, I remember my mil saying they were running round wild and fighting upstairs for ages and then were up doing the same at five am, all also high achievers.
My husband has always had little sleep, he is very bright and sporty. I need 10 hours and 12 even better but I am much less intelligent, I sometimes wonder if clever people need less sleep.

I wonder how he's doing at school in lessons? I bet his teachers would tell a different story or she is not being truthful.

That is interesting. Had the research changed? It used to be thought that the best sleep was between 2 am and 5 am, disruption to that can cause depletion of melatonin which is responsible for cell repair.
I think the post you are responding to may refer to this article
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9685105/ But I don’t think it mentions 9pm so may be another one. Interestingly a conclusion was not that bedtime should be earlier but that school start should be had an hour later

My 11 year old goes upstairs at 8.30pm to brush teeth etc. Into bed at 9 and allowed to read until 9.30pm. Unfortunately she often then faffs about until 10 but I feel that at least she is resting (and definitely not gaming or watching TV!)

Oh give over 🙄

Midnight is ridiculous OP, especially on screens. It just smacks of very poor parenting. I bet the kid is a complete pain the ass as well and thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he likes - because that's what happens at home.

I think this is the thing, it's not only the bedtime but the bedtime in conjunction with gaming etc. There isn't really any reason for that to be the case with a 10 year old.

No, not today! I was going to but I deleted it.

I'd also be interested. My dad always said that the hours sleep before midnight were worth 2 of those after - no idea where he heard that or if it was just a ploy to get us to bed, but maybe it had some truth to it.

I agree with you Op. My 10 year old has lights out on school nights at about 8:30pm too so staying up gaming until midnight would definitely be out of the ordinary here!!
Even on weekends my 10 year old is in bed by 9:30!

Snap, tucked up in bed with a book earlier some nights. It works for us. Midnight seems far too late for a 10yr old on a school night

I'm more shocked a 10yr old is getting sent to bed at 8.30pm

Why you writing in about another child's bedtime routine? It's not like it's a problem you need advice about.

That's the point though every child is different and suggesting that every child 'needs' 12 hours overnight is incorrect and unfair, younger or older. My toddler is up between 0630 & 0700 and doesn't go to bed until 2030 because she'd be up at 0500 if we did it any earlier. Any more than 1.5hrs in the day and she'd be awake all ours of the night as well. Her nap finishes at 1330.

This was the same when she was a baby.

If this parent has a child who sleeps a long time in the day, or typically has a later than average nap then they wouldn't be in bed by 2030. Alternatively, they might just not be tired.

I agree every parent dreads a late nap, but only those who like to have a routine and want their children in bed by a certain time other parents don't worry about this sort of thing and the child stays up later.

Every child is different but I think 99% would agree its not normal/healthy/ideal for any child to be up late in the evening.

I believe the OP’s original question was whether she was too strict or if 8.30pm was a normal bedtime for a 10 year old and I think the majority would agree it is. Ofcourse there will be kids (for a variety of reasons) who have an earlier or later bedtime, but the OP is right to be very surprised at that bedtime (as would a teacher or health professional).

I agree some children do manage on less sleep but i’ll always do my best to make sure ours get as much as possible (so had a bedtime routine from the start).

It’s my choice as an adult to face the consequences of staying up late (feeling knackered the next day - totally my fault) but its my job as a parent to make sure my kids have a healthy routine, which includes getting enough sleep. Not disputing some do manage perfectly ok on less sleep and that we are all different but I would say that midnight seems ridiculous for a 10 year old. Will they then stay up till 2am at Secondary as most children’s bedtime gets a little bit later as they get older.

Sent to bed 😂 You mean getting the appropriate amount of sleep as recommended by health professionals, your GP, teachers etc so they can function well the next day. My child is home by 3.30 so has 5 hours in the evening to play, have a family dinner, do homework, bath, read and then in bed by 8.30pm. Yes some children at later clubs/parents picking up from nursery late may be abit later, but why would a 10 year old be up late in the evening on a school night?

My DC couldn't have stayed up that late...they'd have fallen asleep long before and been an absolute nightmare the next day. I mean even I struggle to stay awake that late! Personally I think it's appalling parenting...it's all very well saying other cultures do it but it's different if the whole country is doing it and having siestas or a later start... school starts early in the UK. And who the hell wants their kids up at midnight anyway

My dd has adhd. She never went to sleep early and now at 19 she can’t sleep until 1:30am. This is normal for adhd.

Did really well in exams and currently at a redbrick.

Totally agree unless like the person above there is a genuine medical reason.

I would take a pretty certain guess there’s alot of parents that can’t be bothered with boundaries/setting a good routine and gaming and screens would play a huge part in their very late bedtime.

Er... OK. I didn't suggest anyone was doing anything wrong? The whole point of my post that you're quoting was that different parents are allowed to do things differently and that what's fine for one family isn't fine for another.

If your DC couldn't have stayed up that late without being a nightmare the next day, then obviously put your DC to bed earlier. Not all kids are the same, though, just like not all adults are the same (for example, I don't struggle to stay awake until midnight at all).

Doing something differently from you doesn't make someone an appalling parent.

And the school day actually starts earlier in most of southern Europe, not later.

An average 10yo needs 9-12 hours sleep.

So maybe he is ok on 12-8am.

those who need 12 hours (+) will need to be in bed much earlier.

I would probably stop tv/screen at at least 10pm at this age for a child who needs the lesser amount of sleep but I guess if he’s doing ok the amount he’s getting is fine?

I dont know many kids that wake up at 8am. Unless they live 2 minutes from the school, the parent can drop at normal school time and still be at work, the child manages to eat a proper breakfast, get dressed, brush their teeth, get everything together and wants no other free time in the morning to do anything, then maybe they can wake up at 8am. I dont know any of my friends kids that wake up at 8am on a school day.

Secondary school where the day is so full on, packed timetable, much more challenging work, tests every week etc might change the parent’s opinion on whether their child is doing ‘fine’ with a midnight bedtime. The kids leave from 7am onwards for the Secondary school buses in our area. Good luck to that parent getting their child out of bed and ready to learn…

It’s a basic requirement of being parent to make sure your child has a good sleep. It’s not preaching perfect parenting to say its not responsible your child is gaming or watching tv to midnight at 10 years old. Its failing at your duty as a parent (SEN parents not included in that - totally different issue).

Mine left at 9.00 am.

My kids could wake up at 8, we don't need to leave until 8.40 at the earliest. However they wake at 6.