My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

As a mother, you know your own child. My 10 yo son does clubs 4 out of 5 school nights and sports both Sat and Sun. He has a bed time of 8/8.30. He gets up at 6am most mornings and has never slept past 7. There is no way he could function never mind do all the sport he does on any less sleep. His bedtime is determined by how much sleep he needs, not when his peers go to bed. As someone in the FB comments said “not your circus, not your monkey”.

If the kids the OP posted about were up at 6am, they would be sleeping 6 hours a night which would be extremely unhealthy at 10 years old and doubtful they could function well (im sure someone will come along soon and tell me their 10 year old thrives on 6 hours sleep and is top of the class!).

If 8am wake up works for your family then great but the vast majority of families don’t have their kids wake up at 8am on a school day or put their kids to bed at midnight.

No matter how you look at it, midnight is not a healthy time for a 10 year old to go to bed.

9am? Every primary school here starts at 8.40 (breakfast club an hour earlier than that). Even arriving at 9am you would be marked as late.

How did your kids leave the house at 9am for school? Did you live next door and throw them over the fence? 😁

It was for secondary.

There were 4 schools nearly next door to each other. And they had to stagger leaving times.

Their school started at 9:15

We wake at 8. Leave at 8:40. In by 8:50. That’s pretty normal

These poor kids, why are you working them so hard. Rest and boredom is essential for healthy development

the kid you are talking about is going to bed a 8pm? How much more rest do you want them to have 😂

Don’t judge on something you know nothing about. I don’t force my son to do anything. It’s his choice. But thanks for your valuable insight into how badly I am parenting.

If either of mine had been asleep by 8.30 it would have been a nap and they’d have been up by about 10.30 bright eyed and looking for fun. If you tried at 8.30 to put them to bed you’d probably have been in a struggle lasting hours and a very late sleep time , waiting til after 9.30 meant they went straight to sleep no stress and actually got more sleep. I was always jealous of my brother who’s dc would be fast asleep for 12 hours by 6.30 although at the same time it must have been quite limiting.

Mind were born in a country where dc are typically up late and school starts at 7.30 am. People always talk about siestas but in reality those are a thing of the past. In modern life few people time for that. Our local soft play didn’t even open until 6pm, it would be packed out on a Sunday night.

well if there are no issues with the child then why on earth is it your business, sure if the child is falling asleep at their desk or at harm another way then yes be concerned but I put it down to another what may be appear to be sexist but i rarely see anyone else doing this but women, I am sure MN will correct me, "I have decided something is different to what I would do and alothough no issue I need to interfer and fix this"

No way would I do this but it is not my child!

So when do all these children catch up on sleep then? Or do they just magically need less sleep?

They probably sleep in a bit at weekends, that’s what mine did. School Holidays are longer so they get a bit more down time. DC’s dad’s large family were from the country so I knew both expat and local families. Dc phased out naps at a similar time to their uk counterparts. I didn’t know any school age dc that took naps and only one family who followed a stricter uk type routine and never came to our evening meet ups etc. There is no facilities to sleep in schools and many parents were working so dc attended after school club. Less and less shops and services close at lunch time each year. The siesta goes back to a time when air conditioning didn’t exist. Most people can’t afford the luxury anymore

Never heard of any schools starting at 9.15 - our primary is open from 7.45am. Suits modern life to be open as early as possible as most parents have to be at their desk before 9am. I guess not a problem at secondary if they can make their own way there or if they allowed kids to arrive earlier if needed.

I still think all children should be encouraged to have as earlier bed time as possible (appropriate for their age). They are going to spend 40 years needing to be in work before 9 (in most houses having completed what feel like a days work before you go!)😅 and sets a healthy habit for life. So important for mental health.

No that's not the study I was thinking of, although I didn't mention 9pm

Why sleep before midnight is often better

• Circadian rhythm alignment: Going to sleep around two to three hours after sunset aligns with your body's internal clock and the natural release of melatonin, which makes it easier to fall and stay asleep.
• Increased deep sleep: The first part of the night is when your body spends the most time in deep, non-REM sleep, which is highly restorative and crucial for physical and mental health.

This is what I'd seen ⤴️

Most schools start somewhere between 8:45 to 9:15.

There’s no evidence that being up earlier is better for mental health. We’re all different. There’s no evidence that an early a bedtime as possible is beneficial either 🥴

Yes, the school my dc went to started at 9.15 because teenage body clocks switch to later.

All my family are late bedders and later risers. All have good jobs.

My mental health would be destroyed by being up early personally.

Tell that to a Spanish family .....
What on earth does it matter as long as the child is happy and healthy

I’d be more concerned who he was gaming with at that time of night

Google says a 10yo needs 9-12hours of sleep. So if getting up at eg 7am, going to bed at 8:30 really isn’t that early.
I went to bed at 8:30 at that age. 9pm at age 13-14 for a 7/7:30am start.

Yeah fair point, I probably could’ve worded it more generally. I didn’t mean it in a nasty way, I was just honestly surprised.

That actually sounds pretty reasonable if it fits your family’s schedule. My child does fine with an earlier bedtime, so I guess it really does depend on the household. Good to hear yours are doing well with it.

Does your friend have a job herself?

1 - pretty limiting if you live in Scotland where it’s dark before 4pm or even earlier if you are further north 😅

2- The first part of the night is just the first hours after you fall asleep. Won’t matter if that is 7 or 9 or 11. Although if too early I guess you might wake in that crucial time which could disrupt it

Yeah she works full time, which is why I was a bit surprised she doesn’t push for an earlier bedtime. I’d be shattered if I had to deal with late nights on top of everything else.