My friend lets her 10-year-old stay up past midnight on school nights

[Alyah]

So my friend and I were chatting the other day, and she mentioned her 10-year-old often stays up until around midnight watching TV or playing games, even on school nights. She said he still does fine at school and isn’t tired in the mornings, so she doesn’t see the problem.
I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 most nights, and I can’t imagine them functioning properly with so little sleep. Maybe I’m being too strict or a bit old-fashioned about routines, but it just feels too late for a kid that age.

Fucking rude, however much you dress it up as ‘comedy’. Shut up yourself.

So you do you and let her do her
what good is there in discussing this? What advice are you looking for? Clearly she’s happy with her bedtimes in her house. You thinking it’s absurd isn’t going to change the way she runs her home and brings up her kids.

This.

Midnight is too late, imo, and definitely to be playing video games, but 8.30 seems very early. My 10 year old is still at two weekday groups during the week at that time.

Kids need enough sleep, but how that varies between children is obviously huge.

Toddler at 8.30? I’d say most toddlers are asleep before then. Our 11 year old has always been in bed by 8, falls asleep before 8.30pm. Awake at 6am every day so definately tired by 8. Secondary school child is always asleep before 10pm.

What would an 11 year old be doing on a school night till 10pm?

Yes, midnight seems late but 8.30 also seems very early for a child who's only a year away from attending high school.

I would go to bed about 9.30-10pm at that age - left for school at 8am and never had any problems.

Yes and loads of those lives and routines impact negatively on them and their children. Ask any teacher.

What would an 11 year old be doing on a school night till 10pm?

Lots of activities don't finish until 9pm, by the time you're home, have had a shower etc. then 10pm seems very reasonable.

By ten I used to regularly stay up late reading late into the night. Any books I could get my hands on as well, I had access to vast numbers of books thanks to my dad's collection!!

I think you have to leave this to your friend. I am guessing school haven't raised concerns.

'I was honestly a bit shocked because my own child is in bed by 8:30 '

What time do they get up / wake you up!

YANBU OP I think that’s atrocious. But then I don’t think doing ‘fine’ at school is acceptable tbh.

11YOs up to that time are probably doing age appropriate activities. Guides in my area doesn’t finish until 9pm so not unreasonable that it would be 10pm by the time you’ve got home and had a shower…

"Fine" could mean anything from "expected" to "top of the class with no issues".

I understand that, but also that children need routine and discipline. Staying up watching TV till late is good for no-one.

Hm, not entirely true, for many ND people, TV and screens are an excellent way fo regulating. I sleep SO much better now I have access to screens at night and can distract myself from things.

@Hurumphh , it wasn’t comedy! And your comment was, helpful, insightful, profound?

So that might be the odd night a week and im sure that causes no issues and worth it for the activity they enjoy. For 10pm every night for a 10 or 11 year old is very late (thats a treat night/movie night here).

Would I lecture my friend on bedtime? Definately not. But I think most people (especially teachers) would think that even 9pm is late enough on a school night. Kids need as much sleep as possible to function well at school. They also need a good breakfast to start the day so i’d rather mine be up in time to properly eat and get to school refreshed, rather than exhausted.

There is a huge well known link (without being any expert) between lack of sleep and mental health and there is currently a mental health crisis in children. I dont think there are any negatives in trying to get a good bedtime routine for all ages. That includes adults which I fail badly at - I know the effects on my well being from a midnight bedtime so I wouldn’t do that to my children.

I don’t think my 2 had strict bedtimes at 10 years old. But I’d probably tell them to wind down and make their way to bed if they were still up at say 11 as I do now that they are teens.

But all families are different. We had neighbours from Colombia and they didn’t have dinner until gone 10pm so their kids would definitely still be up at midnight. Their boys did very well in school and they all seemed happy so horses for courses.

Yeah I tell my friends my son is doing "fine" at school - he's always sailed along at the top of his class, currently on track for 9s in everything at GCSE

I even think it's awful parenting to let a child have a tv in their room full stop, at any age, but there has been too many threads of posters falling over themselves to explain why their bright/ top of the school/ super smart/ super advanced/ gold medal winner/ children have a screen since birth, I can't be bothered to read through those again on here 😂

Where does it say the TV is in the child's room?

I wouldn't like it for my children, but on balance a parent who is a bit laissez-faire but loving is far better than an authoritarian bully

But everyone needs a different amount of sleep. I've personally always functioned best on around 7 hours - any more and I actually feel worse as I wake up groggy, and any less will take its' toll after a night or two.

When I was 10/11 I would regularly stay up until 10pm reading, or watching TV downstairs with mum and dad. I never struggled in school and got up perfectly easily the next day.

It does depend on when they get up
plus we all need different levels of sleep. One of my DDs needed around 8 hours, the other closer to 10 at primary school. I rarely sleep more than 6 hours so I’m guessing there’s some genetic element

My toddler was NEVER asleep by 8.30pm! If only.

homework, read? How can you put an 11 yo in bed by 8? Mine have barely had diner if they're even home 😂

Training is until 7:30 or 08:15 for football
Jujitsu is 7:30 to 8:30

Even if they go swimming or go to an earlier class on another day, by they time they come home, shower, have diner, they're not ready for going in their bedroom before 8:30 or 9pm.

They haven't got clubs before school, so none of mine need to be up before 7:30am during the week. Works for me, I can go for a run at 6am, be back and showered before anyone is awake

No eaten dinner by 8pm? They have lunch at school at 12 noon in our primary. Yes the odd night, but not every night. I just had a conversation with friends (all parents) the other week, and my bedtime between 11 and midnight was by far the latest. I dont think a 10 year old should be going to bed the same time as a grown adult many decades older.