Who should share a room

[Anotherboymum]

Looking to find out on who you think should share a room. My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship boy 12 and girl 11 who both stay with us once a fortnight. We have a boy 3 together and a baby due in march (gender is currently unknown). Baby will sleep with us for the first 6 months then be moving into a bedroom.

My question is who should share bedrooms in this situation, do we let the 3 year old and baby share bearing in mind the other 2 bedrooms will be empty most of the time, or do we get the 12 and 3 year old to share bearing in mind that the 12 year old will only be staying once a fortnight and can have the room during the day (all 3 year old toys are downstairs) and once we've put the 3 year old to bed he can use our room until bedtime.

I'm in 2 minds about it as it's seems silly to have 2 bedrooms empty half the time while the 2 children who are there full time share, but I also think the 3 year old and baby are a better age to share a bedroom. What are your thoughts?

4 bedrooms in total. One is mine and my husband's so we have 3 rooms for 4 children once baby moves out of our room

So why did you choose to have a fourth child before you figured this out?

Why did the mum move away? Can she only afford 2 bedrooms or is this just temporary?

They would still need to go to school which is now 2 hours away from where we live so alternative weeks still don't work. So we're currently doing alternate weekends, and my husband has applied to change his hours so he can drive to them twice a week on the week we don't have them and pick them up after school and take them to dinner to spend some time with them

why do the rooms have to stay unused? Nobody has said that, the baby and young child could use them during the day if needed but highly unlikely as they will either be in school/nursery or being looked after by a parent (which doesn’t usually need a bedroom - I never looked after mine in their bedroom at that age, but appreciate I’m lucky enough to have a separate sitting room and garden, and access to parks).

It’s very important that the children who don’t get to spend time with their dad regularly don’t feel like they are being pushed out by a baby and young child that don’t need their own room. Young children barely spend time in their room apart from sleeping, so why do they need their own space right now?

At this point I would have youngest and baby share the biggest room and the other 2 have their own room.

You can make them multifunctional bedrooms so if double beds can be guest rooms when not there and a work/game room set up which can be put away. There are some clever storage solutions which could do this.

We have 2 DS's who share a room and have done since DS2 was 9 months. We've found it works really well they chat to each other (now 3 and 6), keep each other company etc.

For now I would keep the baby in your room for maybe a year to buy you some time. By the time the baby is 1 year old, your eldest one will be ready to move to a single bed. So then I would make the one room baby room and the other room I will make it for your eldest one but i will put in a trundle bed. Then every forth night, that room will become your partner’s kids room (hence the trundle bed) and your kid can sleep with you or on an inflatable mattress with the baby. That way you are using all rooms every day and it’s tiny change when the other kids are visiting. I wouldn’t mix the kids from the two families based on gender due to age gap. And i wouldn’t leave empty rooms for no reason most of the time.

She moved away to live with her new partner as he works and has children where they've moved to. I think 2 bedrooms is what they can afford at the moment, but I don't speak to her enough to fully know her circumstance, my husband communicates with her and it's really only about things that concern the children. He's brought up the fact he doesn't think they should be sharing but if it is all she can afford it's making the best of a less than ideal situation

I see, yes he must be concerned that they're sharing a bedroom. I'm guessing they've had to start a new school as well.
Very unsettling.

An 11yr old girl needs privacy (pubity/periods starting soon) it’s important to give her, her own space.
Likewise, a 12yr old boy needs his own space (so he can do his homework, game, watch tv, have friends over/sleep overs) typical teen stuff (as he’s very nearly going to be one)
A 3yr old and 6month old can share a room for a good couple of years, they’re close enough in age that they can play together (doesn’t matter about different sexes while they’re so little) they have much more in common then pre-teens and toddlers (let alone pre-teens and babies)
Come back to it in a couple of years time and reassess the set up.

(Also, bonus, the older kids might not always there but the 3yr old and baby will be, so it’s great bonding for them)

I can’t see any other option than the two smallest kids sharing

Littles share. My niece and nephews shared until the eldest was nearly 10, then one by one they moved into their own rooms but they really enjoyed sharing until eldest was about 9, then she wanted her own space. By that point your bigger two will be old enough to be living away most of the time, and/or you’ve got a bigger house.

I think its good to plan ahead and try to have a plan, but if baby isn't due until March, then won't hit 6 months for almost a year from now.
You might find it suits you better for baby to stay in with you for 12-18 months.
By then 3 year old will be 4-5, and the older ones 12-14.

Alot will depend on thier sleeping habits and personalities at thw time as to who the baby is best to share with.
One thing for sure though, you are definitely doing the right thing with setting the older 2 up woth thier own space and privacy.

Baby goes back into your room for nights step children visit, meaning no children share.

In 5 years when oldest child is an adult and baby starts school, reasess.

Two youngest share biggest room out of the three remaining rooms.

Presumably because they have to go to their new school 2 hours away.

Could you do a set up where the baby or the three year can easily do a "sleep over" when the older children come? Would the 3 year old adjust to an exciting looking ready bed with his favourite character in baby's room just so he could have a camp out with his brother occasional nights? Then he sleeps in his own room mostly and "camps" with his brother when his siblings are here? That might spell all kinds of disaster so feel free to ignore. Just thinking tactically

• boy and girl teens sharing isn't great
• teen and 3 year old or baby sharing spells trouble if teens want friends over until evening or just want privacy
• boy and girl teens sharing isn't great

The baby and the 3 year sharing sounds best, but every night when there are 2 other free rooms and baby maybe doesn't sleep great sounds like a nightmare!

I would have the two youngest share a room, but keep the baby in with you until it sleeps through the night regularly.

The 11 and 12 year old get a room each. It’s not practical or appropriate for them to share a room with each other at their age and since they are forced to do this at their mum’s new place with her new boyfriend, I wouldn’t be surprised if at least one of them comes to live with you instead.

When the 11/12 year old are not sleeping in their room, they should be willing for the rooms to be used for a younger sibling when you need to separate them occasionally, for example when one is ill and waking during the night, the other can sleep well in another room.

And that these men produce myriad offspring without thinking through how they are going to properly house them.

Assume mum lives in a 2 bed ?

yes nice to have a bedroom each but many people I know have 2 bed and 2 kids and both sexes

they share at 13g and 9b as no other room and mortgage

seems madness to have 2 rooms empty for 12/14 days

Can I ask why are your step children only staying once a fortnight?

I’d keep the 3 year old in their own room and for now put baby in with whichever older child has room for a cot on wheels. But move baby out when older child isn’t there. Maybe folding change table and drawers on wheels and just move it out once a fortnight and put them in with you or the 3 year old.

Once things have settled and everyone is sleeping well reassess.

As mum moved away 2hrs but dad goes to see them

The baby and the 3 year old share.
the 2 oldest share (create a smart room divide so they have their own privacy).
you cannot have toddlers and teenagers sharing. Totally out of the question.

Why did you look at how this would work before making baby nr 2? Or was it unplanned?

Rearrange rooms so the biggest room goes to the baby and 3yo and the two older keep their bedrooms. Do you know what you're having?

The baby will be in with you for up to the first year anyway, at which point you'll have a good idea of how the 3yo is sleeping. I know ds who's that age is a challenge to get down, but once he's out he's very out, so could handle a bit of disturbance if baby was sleeping through. I'd just keep a travel cot handy for if either of them are sick so the smallest can be moved back into your room temporarily to help with sleep issues.

I think you need to stop seeing it as wasted space when your dsc are at their mums, it's their bedrooms and their safe space connecting them to your family and should be seen as such.

Is there any way of dividing the biggest room in the house with a stud wall to make two box rooms as an alternative to create an extra bedroom and still give the older children their own space and privacy?

Do you have more than one living space that could be turned into a downstairs bedroom?