Who should share a room

[Anotherboymum]

Looking to find out on who you think should share a room. My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship boy 12 and girl 11 who both stay with us once a fortnight. We have a boy 3 together and a baby due in march (gender is currently unknown). Baby will sleep with us for the first 6 months then be moving into a bedroom.

My question is who should share bedrooms in this situation, do we let the 3 year old and baby share bearing in mind the other 2 bedrooms will be empty most of the time, or do we get the 12 and 3 year old to share bearing in mind that the 12 year old will only be staying once a fortnight and can have the room during the day (all 3 year old toys are downstairs) and once we've put the 3 year old to bed he can use our room until bedtime.

I'm in 2 minds about it as it's seems silly to have 2 bedrooms empty half the time while the 2 children who are there full time share, but I also think the 3 year old and baby are a better age to share a bedroom. What are your thoughts?

Why does he have to have them stay over once a fortnight? Do they live close enough that the mum can come and collect them?
You have a toddler and pregnant. Surely this is too much??
He should be supporting you. You are the new family!
Cannot understand how some ‘Dads’ get to do so so little.. once a fortnight and you want to take their bedroom.. blended!!

The OP has already explained their Mother has moved 2hrs away (to live with her new partner in a 2 bed house)

Youngest two share.

They may well have offered to share with the little ones but really they need their own space.

Revaluate in a couple of years.

How is that gonna work of there new school is two hours away??
I know dad's do generally get away with being sh*t but some poster can't seem to see past that! As that doesn't seem to be the case here. Mum has moved 2hrs away and they are trying to find ways to adjust.

We have got a similar situation
dsd 18 (at uni and stopped staying over 3years ago due to busy social life)
dss 14 stays 2 night per fortnight
ds 15 (mine for a previous relationship) stays 90%
ds 5
and I’m due a son in may

we are moving a large 4 bed all doubles and have prioritised the teens who need their own space so

rm 1 us
rm2 ds 15
rm3 dss 14
rm4 ds 5 plus baby will share when old enough

if dsd stats over we have a spare reception room downstairs that she can have some use of so privacy.

our thinking is by the time our youngest needs some space of their own dss will probably be in his 20s and is unlikely to be staying e/o weekend. If he’s still staying we’ll have a swap around and he can have the room downstairs as his own room and we’ll have to get air beds out if dsd stays, beating in mind she’s be at least mid 20s at this point.

Thats the plan for now but we do have the option of moving a wall to create a 5th bedroom which we may choose to do but we want to live in the house first and there’s no rush for us as youngest isn’t here yet

I would have thé youngest share in largest bedroom. I’d also have it set up for stepchildren so their rooms could become playrooms for younger kids when stepchildren are not there.

Why not?

They’re only staying one day a fortnight so they don’t need their own rooms. They can share. Don’t make the 3 year old and baby share. However, they need separate rooms at their mum’s house seeing as they spend most of their time there.

The OP can't do anything about them sharing at the mum's house, but she and the dad can give them separate rooms at theirs.

They’re only at the house 2 nights a month. They don’t need separate rooms for one night. They can either share a room together or take in turns to stay in the spare room and the other shares with their half sibling. The youngest two need their own rooms as they live there everyday.

If they only stay once a fornight, then they share surely?

The youngest one isn't born yet. The other child is a toddler, so I don't think it's a problem at the moment.

The older two will be angry if they get their own room for a year or so and then have to share again. It’s best to make them share now. I’m guessing your children have a step mum and you don’t like her? Children don’t need their own room if they barely visit.

What?! My children?.
I think you have the wrong poster! 😂
I'm just joining in the discussion and offering advice!

I think it's unfair to have two rooms sitting empty for most of the time whilst your little ones share, so either the older two share and you section off the room for them or depending on gender of the baby you have an extra bed in baby's room if there is space and one of the older ones sleeps in there when they come and either you take baby back in with you when they stay or if it's a girl maybe the pre teen will enjoy to share with a baby if she enjoys helping with baby duties!

How would that work with school?

My DD1 toddler slept much better when the DD2 baby moved into her room. The “party” was not happening elsewhere. They had bed time stories together and happily shared a large room until they were 10 and 7. By that point your step kids will be at the point of going to uni.
I would give them the two smaller spare rooms on the condition that they can be used for occasional guests as is normal in most families.

I would have your dc have their own rooms where they sleep when their step siblings aren’t there. But then the 2 nights a month when they are there, it’s sleepover time in your room and step-dc have their own rooms (even if it’s a futon or a blow up bed). Just make a fun, we’re camping out together sort of night so that everyone feels like they have their privacy and enough space.

I would put the small ones in together as it’s more important for the older ones to have space and privacy and feel like it’s their home. The small ones know it’s their home. I’m really shocked that you can move kids 2 hours away and change their school without the other parent being on board with it.

Haven’t read the comments at all. According to Mumsnet you need a bedroom for every child even if they only stay every full moon, bi-annually otherwise you are a shit Mum that is setting up their children to fail and to have serious mental health issues.

It's worthwhile reading the thread, or at least the OP's posts.
I never understood the complexities of blended families before I started to read these types of threads. My children are adults, me and my husband have been together all their lives. I have zero experience of step families. However, I'm beginning to understand the difficulties and the complexities. The OP's is just an example and she's trying to work through it. It looks simple from the outside, but less so from the front line

Until the baby becomes of an age whereby they’re not crying at random times of night (I.e., well into toddler-hood) the older two will have to share. Then you can reassess once sleep becomes more established. My 9 month old baby disturbs my other two children’s sleep enough as it is let alone if they were in the same room as the baby all night! It would likely be a miserable situation otherwise. I like the idea of partitioning off (the larger room) for the older two, especially if they’re not in the house the majority of the time.

Remember it’s a very recent, Western idea of kicking babies out of their mother’s bedroom at six months. Baby doesn’t have to share with their sibling.

I am an idiot, I’m so sorry.

There's no need to leave 2 rooms empty most of the time.