Who should share a room

[Anotherboymum]

Looking to find out on who you think should share a room. My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship boy 12 and girl 11 who both stay with us once a fortnight. We have a boy 3 together and a baby due in march (gender is currently unknown). Baby will sleep with us for the first 6 months then be moving into a bedroom.

My question is who should share bedrooms in this situation, do we let the 3 year old and baby share bearing in mind the other 2 bedrooms will be empty most of the time, or do we get the 12 and 3 year old to share bearing in mind that the 12 year old will only be staying once a fortnight and can have the room during the day (all 3 year old toys are downstairs) and once we've put the 3 year old to bed he can use our room until bedtime.

I'm in 2 minds about it as it's seems silly to have 2 bedrooms empty half the time while the 2 children who are there full time share, but I also think the 3 year old and baby are a better age to share a bedroom. What are your thoughts?

I think it's more sensible for the younger two to share, ideally in the biggest room. But I would probably try to keep the baby with you to at least year rather than 6 months - at 6 months you will wreck the 3 year old's sleep! Lots of people I know kept a baby in with them until they were more or less going through the night, which isn't likely at 6 months (I know it's possible, but I wouldn't want to bet on it!).

Once you have a toddler and a 4 year old, it'll feel much more natural for them to be in the same room - my niece and nephew have this age gap and when they were small they were inseparable at night time; they loved having 'their' room. They've only gone into separate rooms once the older one got bigger.

Unfortunately at the moment that's how it has to work, we'd love to have them more but circumstances have recently changed, we're hoping have them more again once we can work something out, they've also both offered to share a room with the 3 year old or baby, but we wanted opinions on this as our original plan was always to have the youngest 2 share.

Unfortunately circumstances have changed recently, mum has moved away and it's not possible with our working hours to have them in the week. We're hoping to get something worked out soon so we can have them more again. They do share a room with mum as it's a 2 bed house. Our thoughts were always for the younger 2 to share, thinking at the point they may need there own space the other 2 would be at an age where it would be unlikely they'd both be stopping at the same time. If they were to want to come and live with us at some point when the younger 2 get to the point of needing there own space we could split a bedroom or we could look at moving, but obviously we have some time for that. The question only really came about as the older 2 both offered to share a room with the 3 year old or baby which is lovely but we then doubted our original plan a little bit, as we want to do what's best for everyone.

We're prepared to keep baby in with us longer if we need to, our 3 year old was sleeping through by 6 months so we're hoping to be lucky again 🤞🏻but they won't be sharing until baby is sleeping well

I have a toddler who at 15 months has only just started reliably sleeping through the night, teething or illnesses really disrupt this though. At 6 months, most babies wake 2-3 times a night, you can't do that to a toddler or a teenager.

Baby stays with you for a lot longer than 6 months.

Boy shares with 3 year old.

Girl gets her own room.

I’m not entirely sure how many bedrooms you have for the DC. If it’s three for four children, then put the three year old in the biggest room; step children get a room each. Baby goes in with 3 year old once they are too big to stay in your bedroom. Older DSC need their own rooms, particularly as they get older - to be able to invite their friends over; to have their own space. They may say they’ll share with a three year old, but they won’t be so happy when 3 year old messes with their stuff. Particularly if you’re hoping to have the older ones with you more often, they need their own space. Yes, it’s irritating having rooms empty a lot of the time, but these children need to know that they belong and are important enough to you to have their own space. It’s not OK for a teenage boy and girl to have to share a space with each other. Your DC will be fine sharing with their sibling while they’re little. If you have another son, problem solved - just get bunk beds as they get older. If you have a daughter, then it’s OK to share while they’re little, but eventually you will have to find another solution.

I think it'll be lovely. The bond my niece and nephew have, who have that age gap and shared, is really nice to see. I think small children often benefit from having someone else nearby in the night - we were never really meant to sleep entirely alone!

It’s very sweet of them they they’re offering to share with their little siblings. I think try your plan and see how it goes, maybe a spare cot in one of their rooms in case of sleep problems?

I find it really strange that men seem to get away with that excuse for barely seeing their children, way more than their mother would. Imagine a mum saying ‘I’ve decided not to see my children for a couple weeks at a time as it doesn’t suit my work hours’. Fucking mental.

Yep.

You and your husband are obviously able to afford a much bigger property than the Mum (with only 2 bedrooms) so it's extra important that they have their own room at yours.
Sweet that they offered to share with the little ones, though.

Completely agree!

Absent children do not need their own rooms. They can share with their half-siblings.

What is the point in your 12yo coming to stay if he is in his bedroom all day and then your bedroom in the evening? That's not very sociable.

"Absent children" christ!

It's nothing to do with it not suiting his working hours. His working hours haven't changed but the fact they've gone from living 15 minutes away to 2 hours away has. He can't finish work at his normal time and drive 2 hours to pick them up and then drive 2 hours here with them to then drive them 2 hours to get them to school in the morning that's not fair on the kids. He's already applied to change his hours so he can drive the 2 hours to pick them up from school and spend the evening with them so he still gets to see them regularly

There not absent children the point I was making was they would still have their own space, and the reason I mentioned our room in the evening is because before bed they do chilled time where they go and read or colour etc

a baby will wake the 3 year old up even past 6 months. Ask the two siblings to share until baby is consistently sleeping through the night

Why couldn’t they stay every alternate week, to make it more manageable?

How many bedrooms do you actually have? It’s unclear if there’s 3 or 4?

Obviously the children that actually live there get their own rooms and kids that visit twice a month share with younger ones when there, it makes absolutely no sense having 2 children share when the bedrooms will be empty 90% of the month ! Anyone who thinks 2 bedrooms should sit unused while 2 kids share is absolutely bonkers !!!

The older children have to share when they live with mum. The younger two are just a toddler and a baby.

The older 2 shouldn't really share at their age. Also they shouldn't really be shunted around and squashed into a room because you are having a baby. Can you go into the loft or garage to create an extra room long term? Keep baby in with you a bit longer while you get sorted.

I thought 4, 3 available for the 4 children.

What is your plan for 5 years time? In a few years, you don't want to make a 15/16 year old feel pushed out of 'their' room. However, how long would it be fair for 2 children that live there full time to share?
I would put 2 boys in same room, girl in second room and then baby in final room. If baby is a girl, maybe consider 2 girls in same room and turn final room into playroom/ den.

I’m hoping that’s the case as 3 bedrooms in total will be a bit of a disaster space wise