I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

That’s unfortunately just how babies are. My DD just decided around 4 months that she would not go in her crib. She cried inconslably if I tried to put her in there.

You could try laying on your side on the floor with him and nursing him to sleep that way, and you can sleep a bit too. There are safe ways to bedshare with babies that are that age.

But it sounds like what you really need is some support. Can you get any friend or family member to come and watch the baby for a while so you can get some rest?

It also sounds like you need mental health support from a professional; it is possible you are suffering from postpartum depression and that is damaging your bond with your baby.

There’s no shame in asking for help. Best of luck, OP, and make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Lack of sleep is so horrible. Really makes you feel at the end of your tether

Can you and dh tag team and get some hours each?

Speak with your health visitor about how to deal with your ds lack of sleep. But for now try to sleep yourself. You need sleep too.

Oh you poor love - I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now. It will get better - it always does - but that’s no consolation at 3am when you’re exhausted. Would it be any better if you tucked him in bed with you, do you think? I know it’s not recommended, but when mine were at that stage it was easier to sleep without a top on and barely wake to feed. I know this sounds heartless but would your husband just take him where you can’t hear him for long enough for you to at least get an hour or two? He’s with his dad and he’s not going to suffer with hunger if he’s been fed. Sorry - these are not great suggestions but please have a hand hold from a sympathiser (I’m five hours behind you if you’re in the UK so I’m only just in bed).

I'm sorry, sleep deprivation is torture
Do you split the night? You might need to go back to that. One does a shift from 8pm-12 then the other takes over
If you desperately need a few hours then you could try cosleeping/bedsharing and partner takes spare bed or sofa
Or if you try this early in the evening, say, 8pm-11, partner could be in bedroom watching tv or chilling whilst supervising baby sleeping in bed with you or you holding him to sleep
Is baby crying when back in next to me? You say he's just awake and scratching the coy- does he just need time to resettle himself? One of mine cried himself to sleep literally every night- a short cry with eyes closed not distressed - but then slept.
Reflux maybe? Try propping head of cot up? Does baby seen in pain after feeds?

Lack of sleep is truely awful. Have you ruled out all medical reasons? Silent reflux for an example? I know they're expensive but I have used a baby 'Rockit' which I attach to the crib or car seat, which vibrates and helps get them to stay asleep. They're about £60 but it was worth every penny for some sleep. You might find one on vinted cheaper. I'm currently up with a very fussy 6 week old too who was born a terrible sleeper. You're not alone OP my eldest didn't sleep a full night for 3.5 years. It's hard going!

Sleep deprivation does that. It’s a form of torture.

Contact you doctor and or health visitor and tell them how you feel. If you can’t face it or haven’t the energy ask your husband/ sister/ friend to do it. Confide in anyone you can and ask for help from anyone you can. Most people are aware this can happen and won’t judge you.

You need to get some sleep before you can think remotely straight.

Please don’t pull your punches when talking to your doctor or health visitor, they need to know how desperate you are. You may also have some post natal depression or you may not. If you have they will be able to diagnose it.

Remember your baby won’t remember any of this and it will pass, but you can’t wait it out, something or things need to happen quickly to enable you to sleep.

You have my utmost sympathy. I really hope you have supportive wider family you can ask for real help.

I breast fed but have you considered moving to formula? The formulations are so much better now and he has already had early benefits from your milk.

In the exact same boat OP you aren't alone. Currently here with my little one, been waking every few minutes. Tonight hes just been up constantly since 1030pm. No fever etc. Clean bum, well fed, burped.
Its so tough and I do the school run too!
I've tried absolutely everything, hes never been a great sleeper (at night) but these last 5 nights have taken the cake! We've been here before. But try and stay positive, they aren't tiny for very long. Sending a virtual hug of support.

Can you try a bottle at night. It made the world of difference for us.

Sending hugs. You’re truly in the trenches. I found the sleep regression period 5 months+ so much harder than 0-3 months, the cruelty of sleep being taken away after finally coming back hit me so hard. You’re doing the best you can, and you will get through it. Do you breastfeed? And if so could you pump/give DH a night of full baby duty? I had a friend who did a night in a hotel at that age, said it was life changing. You find ways to make it work. Mine were: baby sleeps in own room with monitor on, bath/bed routine consistency, big feed before bed from bottle so we knew their belly was full, nappy one size up for overnights. Even with that, the 10 month sleep regression broke us and we got a night nurse for a few nights. Please also make sure you schedule time off for yourself and for Dh to see friends, have a date night, exercise etc. it’s easy to put yourself last and then spiral when exhausted. Good luck x

You poor things it must feel so frustrating and hopeless.

It sounds like cosleeping could be your saviour here. I have a 5 month old too and am starting to have cosleeping naps with her as they feel sturdier at this age in my opinion. There's good guidance on it here www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/

My eldest was an absolute demon at that age but it didn’t last long and she’s wonderful now. My second born was a dream, they’re all so different. Sleep deprivation really is the absolute worst. Definitely try shifts so you each get a few hours of guaranteed sleep each night. And if you find your mind is going somewhere genuinely dark, tell a health visitor.

It’s so hard when you’re going through this but you will get through it and you will be ok. Is there any chance at all that you could get a night nanny for say, two nights a week? It can be cheaper than you think and if you and DH could at least get those nights in it would make the others more sustainable. You can express and have them feed that. Even if you wake to feed you can go back to sleep after. If not do you have anyone you know who could come round and do say 5 pm to 11 pm or midnight, so you can get a block of sleep in?

I was struggling a lot when my DC was a newborn too. It feels like forever stuck in a routine of no sleep and being needed 24/7 while having no time for yourself. And the rest of the world continues on while you deal with this enormous change.

It passes. Some great advice on here. Take it one day at a time.

All the best 💐

Some babies are just much more difficult to get to sleep.

when my own dd was born, the sleep deprivation was horrible. Co-sleeping was our solution.

DH move to the guest room and we removed most of the bedding from our bed. As long as Dd and I slept together, she slept perfectly.

If shes breastfed why dont you cosleep-make sure you follow safe sleep guidelines on Lullaby trust website, during the day carry baby in the baby carrier (lile ergi baby) and when you need to shower etc pop the baby into baby bjorn chair in the bathroom. Cosleeping (safely-no blankets pillows etc) and breastfeeding are a great combo,i have done it with 5 babies, about to have 6th.

Just a reminder never to sit on the sofa holding the baby when you’re this tired, or your partner. It’s such a dangerous position compared to the bed.

You simply MUST get some sleep, one way or another.

This feels like everything at the moment, because you are right in the heart of it. It is absolutely impossible not to feel distressed when you are sleep deprived. Armies uses it as a torture for a reason.

Your response is normal. It is normal to feel desperate when you are tortured by lack of sleep. You WILL feel better. Try to remember that feelings are not facts, that your feelings are normal but caused by your current situation and that in the future you will definitely feel far better.

Your husband is going to have to take the baby and let you sleep for a few hours. He must do this. You MUST take your sleep in turns.

I reached your point, and we introduced formula at night and it was a total game changer. I needed sheep more than anything in the world. You poor love. It will pass, but it is very very hard.

As the survivor of two terrible sleepers with reflux I echo suggestions to 1) see the GP in case of medical issues and 2) co-sleeping. I could not have coped with DC2 if I hadn't co-slept with her. See safest methods on the Lullaby Trust website. https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/

Drs asap!! My baby was like this and had nasty CMPA. Once he was on medical formula he slept and it was amazing the difference! Baby banging his legs etc is making me think baby is hungry or reflux. We switched to formula for both our kids and it was so much better for my mental health. It also meant my husband would do a 6-8hr ‘shift’ and let me have uinterrupted sleep. You MUST prioritise yourself. Focus on your bond with your baby which will improve once you can rest and meet your own needs, modern formula is a great thing to have. You aren’t alone. But you must get some sleep, by any means! People need to be stepping up to help you.

Forgive me if this is a silly question, but is he actually crying or needing you to be awake with him? From what you say about him “banging his legs” it strikes me he might just be awake and not distressed. If that’s the case, try to just sleep through it. He doesn’t need to be held just because he’s awake - he might even just settle himself back to sleep.

its a horrible time. Ask the GP to assess whether Bub could have silent reflux (they don’t vomit, but the stomach acid burns at the bottom end of the oesophagus). Try having the cot raised a bit at one end (if you can get him in there.). Or as others have said, try safe cosleep so at least you’re lying down. Try to do the ‘shifts’ so you can get a bit of sleep. It will pass, so many of us have been through this period, but when you’re in the thick of it, it is soooo hard,.

So sorry to hear this OP. The 4(ish) month sleep regression is truly awful.

We got through it by co-sleeping. I would always put baby in the cot to start with, then keep trying to resettle until I was too shattered/couldn’t be bothered anymore and would just bring baby into bed with me. It lasted a little while but after a few months baby naturally did longer stretches in the cot - I didn’t do any lasting damage! Just look up lots of advice on how to co-sleep safely as that’s really important.

Wishing you the best!

Sending a hug, it’s so tough not getting enough/any sleep. Mine were both tricky sleepers, a few things to try might be swaddling (mine both loved being tightly swaddled), introducing a formula feed before bedtime, at 5mths you could try starting on some solid foods, baby rice etc… could you afford a sleep nanny? I didn’t use one but know of people who did both for sleep training and for respite.

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon x

Oh love, I have never forgotten this feeling and I’m 31 years down the line. This is how DS ended up in my bed for several years, and probably why so many mums co sleep. He didn’t start sleeping properly until he started school.

Co sleeping is the way to go.