I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

My son never did a schedule til he went to one nap a day tbh, I wish I could go back in time and try less hard to get him to sleep and worry less about wake windows etc. He was a silent reflux cmpa baby too and didn't like the formula much so we'd agonise over feeding, and then when he was weaned he wouldn't eat much dinner so we'd agonise over him being up in the might more, then he's slept better, another day he'd eat a big meal and yet be up more. Some of us just have trickier baby's I think, and it really is a trial but it does stress one out more when trying to figure out the whys and how's.

If he's skipped a nap it's okay, have you tried a buggy walk with him? That used to save my sanity with my son, one nap a day I didn't have to rock him for 30 mins and then hold him (wouldn't be put down til 10 months and only then because we lay by him and kept lying him down saying night night til he learned). He'd always fall asleep on the pram so even in winter I had him wrapped up scandi style and pushed him for an hour just to get out the house and him to sleep, podcast in my ears or music. Revived me to be out and walking.

It will all be ok, you sound like a wonderful Mum ❤

Hey OP .
I’d forget the big cot if I was you, & try lots of diff types of nipples for bottle feeding , I honestly believe you will find the right one that he will take ..
He will drink more & be more content ..
Well hopefully , definitely worth trying though x

Hi. Sorry no immediate advice but I just wanted to offer sympathy. My first didn't sleep and it was truly awful. I was miserable and regretted ever having her at the time. It did get better from around 6 months and she slept through at 11 months. In retrospect I wonder if we should have sleep trained her for her as well as our sanity. It's a decade ago now, she's about to go to high school. The hours and days and sleepless nights felt so long but the years since have flown by!

My second was a brilliant sleeper from birth.

sorry you’re having a bad day, stop looking at the clock, wake windows don’t work for every baby. Read him not the clock, hold him close, take the day ‘off’ of everything else and play, feed and try and enjoy your baby. When he shows tired signs find your best way to get him to sleep and turn on the tv (this is my own advice to me today)
if he really really won’t lie flat at all I would possibly look at pain. But it may just be he isnt tired enough for a full sleep. Also a 40 minute nap is more than okay for them…Sending lots of good vibes, you’ll get through this.

Oh rubbish. Sleep deprivation is the worst for adults and it must be pretty painful for the babies too. How about focusing on what might help OP rather than being all ideological??

OP it’s fine to try new things - they won’t all work but babies are developing so much that what they need keeps changing.

You can walk babies in their pushchair when it’s raining. Get a buggy cover and a good coat for you. Or drive around in the car if you have one.

Does he not like sleeping in his on space?My babies hated it and would wake every 5 min. I ended up coo sleeping with them in our bed and got loads of sleep

Whaaaaat? I just really hope you are being ironic.

I would lower your expectations about sleep to some extent. Both of mine didn't link daytime sleep cycles for quite a while but I found even short naps can be quite effective. Perhaps not the case if your baby is still grumpy after a nap though?

Definitely lean into breastfeeding to sleep and contact naps if all else has failed. This is also completely normal for some babies for a long time. Not helpful for getting things done though I know! On teething, I've found that the top four front teeth all tend to come in at once after the first two at the bottom, so can be painful for a while. My ten month old is currently having a tough time with this, especially at night.

@Skybluepinky I'm just trying my best. I'm struggling hard but I'm really trying.

Thank you, yes I do also pay attention to his cues. He gets red eyebrows and stops eye contact, so these are his tell tale signs. I only use the app as a guide really and to help me see his patterns.
I spent his whole wake window this morning with him on my lap just playing and making him laugh. He was happy and I feel terrible I tried the big cot and upset him.

Yes he normally likes sleeping in his space. I think something is just bothering him atm.

Hi I've been in your shoes with twins. The impact of sleep deprivation is horrific on your mental and physical health. I've qualified as a sleep coach because of this experience. It would be irresponsible of me to try and explain sleep coaching without having a horde of info off you. But I can give you some advice.....note down every minute he's asleep over 24 hours for the next 7 days. Divide it by 7 and you have the 24 hour sleep needs, how much sleep he actually needs over the day. Don't follow generic routines. He should be on 3 or 4 naps a day at this age, if still on 4 then will transition to 3 soon, I'd consider going to 3 naps now, so work out how to balance his sleep needs between naps and nighttime. Most babies won't sleep 7 to 7 so don't necessarily aim for this. So if his sleep tank was 14 hours a days you might aim for 7.30pm to 6am and then divide the rest up in his daytime naps. That's just an example. Don't put him down until he is actually tired, just disregard wake windows they have no scientific backing. Your his mum and know him best. If you suspect reflux then feed upon waking(not right before sleep) and have him upright for half hour after feed (speak to g.p also). There's a test called coMiss which you can find online which can help rule out(or in) cows milk allergy. Do you have room to have his cot in your bedroom while he gets used to the transition from his next to me? The leg banging could be self soothing or sensory seeking, annoying as it is. All humans sleep for their longest and deepest period at the first half of the night, that's likely why he can go a bit longer at this point. Later the sleep isn't as deep so more waking. All humans of all ages wake during the night but you don't usually remember because you can just get yourself back over. If your baby hasn't learned this skill and is used to being fed or rocked etc to sleep then he will look for this same situation to get back to sleep during the night. I suppose that's where sleep training comes in but it's not for everyone. One bit of advice, keep wake up time the same everyday regardless of how bad the night has been as this will make it easier to ensure naps etc a d then the issue won't keep rolling into the next night etc.Make sure the bedroom is very dark and if your not using white noise I'd strongly suggest it, just be sure it goes all night or the change could wake him up. I really feel foe you it's the absolutely worst feeling so tired and struggling to function. This will pass whether you do anything about it or not. Your doing your best I a very difficult situation so don't beat yourself up

For me the only way I got through it was to go with the flow with baby. All sleep has been baby led. Didn't follow wake windows, didn't track naps or sleep, didn't read anything by sleep experts, just followed what baby wanted.

I would lower your expectations about sleep to some extent. Both of mine didn't link daytime sleep cycles for quite a while but I found even short naps can be quite effective. Perhaps not the case if your baby is still grumpy after a nap though?

I agree with this advice.

It's very easy when you're dead tired and/or prone to depression/anxiety to hyper focus on 'getting things right' and to become doubly stressed/distressed when you then feel you've failed or have made things worse. All these apps and systems etc can (sometimes!) be useful but they are not to be turned into all-consuming action plans or worshipped like an oracle.

Your baby is not a machine. It's okay if he doesn't do what he's 'supposed' to do, and it's okay if you try something and it isn't right at this point. Tomorrow is another day, and another nap is right around the corner. 💐

I feel the exact same, I used to get so upset trying to fix my little ones naps. She never did more than 30 mins in one go. It wasn't until she was around 12 months and moved to one nap and they were approx 1.5 hours. But I wish I didn't get so upset about it. I used to just do a pram walk if I couldn't get her to nap.

I would get him an appointment with a cranial osteopath, it changed my & my child’s lives quite literally over night.
(She hadn't slept a night in 3 years)
If only I’d known sooner😭

So sorry to hear this, it's been a few years since my DD was a baby but I still remember how hard it was.
We had a sleep consultant help us, and the thing she suggested that made a huge difference immediately was making sure the baby was fully burped/winded. We thought we were helping with her gas, but it seems you have to be quite vigorous (to a point) with rubbing their backs. It might take you ten minutes to get the wind out.

Good luck, you will get through this x

Sleep deprivation is torture. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this so much at the moment.

My daughter has always been a very challenging sleeper, had a couple of months when newborn of only sleeping on me, then randomly had about 3 months where she would actually go down in a cot, and since about 5 months old has only coslept overnight. She’s now 2.

Naps we’ve been through various changes from pram napping only, sleeping on me only, sling naps only, car naps only. Just when you feel that you’ve got something down, she changes again!

For me cosleeping was a life saver, I just couldn’t manage without it overnight. Keep trying different things, they change so quickly and in my experience there is absolutely no consistency/pattern to anything! The hours of my life I’ve wasted trying to find a miracle cure or formula that’ll help her sleep 😂 we use white noise and a muslin lovey but other than that haven’t found any benefit to anything else. When she was younger she had a dummy (I think we introduced this at around 3m as wouldn’t take one sooner).

Some babies just need lots more sleep support, you’re doing all the right things. Lullaby trust have brilliant advice re cosleeping. Sending solidarity and this too shall pass x

Also teething or random illness has always played absolute havoc with sleep for us so definitely worth considering ibuprofen/ paracetamol / bonjela etc if you think that might be an issue. The anbesol liquid was best for us from that age x

Also totally agree with this. I got myself into such a state counting minutes and windows and trying to find the non existent key to sleep. I wish I would have chilled out a lot more and gone with the flow.

Echo what others have said. Look at safe cosleeping again, you can side car a normal sized cot to a bed (there are guides on how to do this safely) so you've got more space and do it safely as they get bigger.

There's a Facebook group called Beyond Sleep Training Project and they are great for evidenced based advice and support around sleep and also have a 'red flags' guide which sounds like it would be helpful for you to go through.

Olivia Lactation consultant is great on Instagram for feeding tips and advice.

Thank you for your advice. I will have a look at his sleeping times. But I dont think I can influence his nap times unless he's getting pushed in the pushchair. I think it will be interesting to find out though. Usually he's pretty good at napping and regularly does around 1h 30m each for his first 2 naps.
I doubt he has reflux now tbh. I had a look at that test and he'd score 3 or 4 out of 33. So not very high risk?
We use white noise for every nap and night time sleep. Also blackout blinds.
I'm not good with the idea of sleep training, he definitely will cry and get upset. I'd definitely need extra support with this, as I dont think I have it in me to do it. I hate when he's upset.

Formula feeding, begin now

He's hungry

That, and a dummy

Ignore this.