I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

You poor love. I remember thinking I would literally give one of my limbs for 24 hours off.

THIS WILL PASS. Agree with the splitting of shifts. One sleep 7-12 (probably you) and the other takes over. Whatever gets you through. I had twins when eldest was 2 and remember 10 months being when things felt more manageable. More of a routine and I moved them out of my bedroom.

Formula and real food helped with mine too and you’re not far off weaning now.

Sounds like it's time for him to go in his own room to me.......not so you can leave him to cry obviously but it will be a lot less stimulating for him and you won't be getting stressed out by every peep he makes.

I remember that feeling well - being deprived of sleep is torture and everything seems worse in the middle of the night. You try everything and everyone has suggestions and none of them seem to work... And then, one miraculous day, things start to change. It will come. But meanwhile, do tell your GP or HV or other health professional how you're feeling. Be kind to yourself and get as much rest as you can whenever you can. Accept any help that's offered. Talk to other mums if possible. In the daytime, take the baby out for a walk - daylight and exercise are really helpful in all sorts of ways. Believe that this time will pass.

It’s so hard when they wake up constantly. DS2 nearly broke me too. If it’s any consolation, after the terrible sleep stopped he never caused me a day’s trouble, not even the teen years.

Can you co-sleep? That’s what I did, with DS2 and DD. They slept much better snuggled up to me (done safely, on my side of bed, no alcohol or medication).

I remember these days, but not with fondness so I do get it OP.

I ended up mixing feeding, and formula at night. He actually slept through from the second night. You have given your baby the very best so far, but you have to be able to get some sleep too.

Please look into co sleeping OP. my little one is a terrible sleeper she wakes throughout the night still and is nearly 2. We’ve been co sleeping since she was 2 days old. There are Facebook groups and lots of resources online explaining how to cosleep safely. She rolls over to feed herself throughout the night and It barely wakes me up. Our babies just want to be close to us, you’re doing an amazing job. It’s so bloody hard. Please ask the people around you/ health visitor for support x

I remember feeling like this with my DC. One morning in particular I thought I was going to be sick I was so tired. I was a single parent. I asked my mum to visit and I remember expressing lots of milk, talking my baby in to her and handing her bottles and milk and going back to bed and I slept until 3.30pm!!
DD was fine when I woke up! That mammoth sleep just helped me and we never did it again.
i co slept with my DD too and could never have got through early years of single motherhood.
there is some great advice on here and I hope some of it works for you. But def get yourself some sleep even if it means checking into a Premier Inn and sleeping all day xx

I was there. I remember how awful it was. Best thing we did was DH moved to couch and we got rid of bed and put a futon on floor so I could co-sleep and breastfeed DD on my side. Saved my sanity.

One of ours was like this. It won’t be popular on Mumsnet but I stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula and we started splitting the nights in two so we both got 7 hours sleep. Excellent decision for our mental health :)

I’m currently in this at the moment too! DS is my second and he’s showing the same signs as my DD. They both refused to sleep in their next to me because they were outgrowing it. Their hands hit the side of it and it wakes them up, also they hear everything so the sounds you make they wake up. It was torture! Luckily she stopped it as soon as she moved into her own room with white noise and pitch black room.

I hope you get some sleep soon!

It it so hard, but you will get through it. Does your partner take baby in the early hours so you can sleep in? What’s your set up with him?

Neither of my kids would sleep on their own. Both slept much better (and more) next to me. I’ve co slept with both.

You can read how to do it safely here. Where you’re at now is the reason so many do co sleep, you’re not alone, it’s unbelievably hard but you will be ok!

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/

By the way, the formula thing is a bit of a myth. My eldest was formula fed and still wouldn’t sleep in his own bed.

My youngest is breastfed and he is the same.

We had a terrible sleeper. He would go down around 8 sleep till 11, have a feed then sleep til1, then be waking every 10-20 min for the rest of the night. It went on for over a year it was horrific.

How we survived it- I was bf so I would feed baby at7pm then leave dh to wind him and put him to bed. I would go straight to bed to try and be asleep by 730pm. Dh would have the monitor downstairs, he would feed ds at 11pm using an expressed bottle. Then dh would come to bed around 1130pm. I would then take over when ds woke at 1am. So I slept 730pm - 1am and then whatever broken sleep I got after. Dh slept 1130pm until 630am when he got up for work. It was brutal but it worked for us.

We tried every trick, we tilted his cot as he had silent reflux, black out curtains. We tried a waking alarm thing (didn’t help)

What helped was teaching him to fall to sleep, we made the mistake of rocking him or letting him fall to sleep during a feed. Which meant when he woke up he couldn’t get back to sleep. So we started putting him down slightly awake, we had to do it gradually so initially still cuddling him, then having a hand on his chest, then being next to the cot. It took aFew weeks but we got to the point where he could fall asleep independently. Then we dropped the night feeds as he was still waking to be fed(he was around ten months at this point. Thenthe only thing he woke for was a lost dummy so we stopped the dummy. With all that we finally had a baby that slept 8-6. And when he dropped his naps (at 3!) he slept 7-7.

I went through this with mine and it was utterly miserable. You have my sympathy. Have you tried cranial osteopathy? It definitely broke the cycle for us - before the first session he would be screaming minutes after being put down and was only able to sleep on one of us or in a car seat or pushchair. The night following the first session, he managed a 3 hour sleep in his cot followed by a feed and another hour and a half. That will sound like nothing to people whose babies actually sleep, but it was nothing short of a miracle to us. His sleep continued to improve (very slowly) after that, although he was 3 years old before he slept through the night. Might be worth a try.

It will get better OP, I promise. I agree with switching to formula and then splitting the night in half so you both get a few hours of decent sleep.

I’m gonna say the thing that your not supposed to admit to on mumsnet. But it’s worth a try.

why not try a bottle at bedtime and put Im in his own room? One of mine was a little bugger for fiddling about and scratching the next to me and I could even hear her when I moved it to the other end of the room, it’s an infuriating noise. Both of mine slept much better when we put them in their own room at 4-5 months. (With a video monitor of course!) We weren’t waking eachother up anymore!

both of mine became brilliant sleepers. They never co slept after that and never came into our bed at night because they didn’t know it was an option

Sorry to hear this, I really recommend tips on this account for sleep. https://www.instagram.com/soundasleepguru?igsh=MWtlYXA5eXR4cmtpMg==I also reccomend naps short and keeping baby up 3-4 hours after last nap until bedtime. You want a teally tired baby to go into that crib not a semi tired one.

I am so sorry, sleep is just so vital and it’s impossible to function without it. My LO got progressively worse in the run up to me returning to work and I remember sobbing at 4am that I’d be getting up for work in an hour and I’d yet to close my eyes for more than half an hour. Ended up getting a sleep consultant which was money well
spent for us but I agree with PP that you should see your GP to rule out medical causes before spending any money. Also your GP / health visitor can offer mental health support if too. Do reach out. Good luck x

It will get better.
Use formula - don’t feel guilty about this.
Get as much help from friends and family - can anyone stay over and give you a break? .

Also can your husband book some time off and take over a few nights so you can sleep?
Use a rocker or get husband to take baby for a run in the car - always worked for us.
Get a baby sleep specialist in.
It does get better.

You will be ok, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will get better.

I think your baby might need to go into a proper cot now - mine was about 5 and a half months when I moved her because she was constantly banging against the sides of the next to me and waking herself and me up. When I put her in the cot she had the space to resettle herself, and I wasn’t disturbed by every little sound.

I second what others have said about trying formula overnight - it doesn’t mean the end of your breastfeeding journey if you don’t want it to. But some babies sleep better with the fuller feeling that formula can provide, and it also would mean you and your dh can take turns more efficiently in the night.

We often still end up with ours in bed with me from about 4am onwards, but we can usually get through a decent portion of the night.

You will be ok.

I found a sleep consultant who helped us sleep train!! Made the world of difference when we were struggling.
and sleep training doesn’t have to be cry it out. There are so many gentle methods that don’t involve distressing crying.

I’ve got no advice sorry OP, as I’m not a mum, but I just want to send you a hug.
You will look back on this one day and it will all be forgotten and life will be good with your little boy xx

Sounds like heart burn - the pick up gets rid of heart burn, lying down brings it back up.

Lift the mattress with a towel underneath - so head above legs and give it a try.

Do not lie him down flat in the day either/ use pillow or a chair.

Good luck!

Im so sorry you are going through this OP. We had exactly the same experience.

We saw the GP and got some infant gavsicon for silent reflux.

Did some osteopathy sessions.

DH went into the spare room and DD and I coslept until 15months.

I told the HV how I was feeling and she started coming for more regular visits to check up on how we were both doing.

But really, it was the cosleeping that changed things. DD would just sleep through as long as she was in bed with me.

Do you have anyone who could come and take baby for a few hours in the day to let you catch up? Your mum or a close friend? I remember that we had DH's family come to visit and I spent their whole visit asleep in bed whilst they were cuddling and enjoying seeing baby downstairs. It was blissful uninterrupted sleep for about 4hrs and it was brilliant.

I agree with this. Not all wake-ups need attention. Try ignoring him for the first 10 minutes and see what happens.