I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

It can be hell. Don’t let fear and judgement put you off trying co-sleeping. Research it, and set yourself up to do it safely. It saved me. We slept. Life was fun again. I recommend it.

We had a sleep coach for our breastfed 3 month old. It only took 4 nights to get them from waking every hour to sleeping in their own cot, in their own room for the whole night. They’re 9 months old now and I can count on one hand the number of times they have cried/woken us during the night. Of course there was some crying during the training but the coach stayed in the room with the baby the whole night singing and chatting but not picking them up. I only had to breastfeed during the night on the first night as it was phased out. All of us, including baby are much happier now. If you can afford it, I would recommend. In London we paid £180 per night, best money I have ever spent!

Here’s some of the techniques we used (and still do):

• Giving them a thin cotton muslin to hold in the cot. Cotton is breathable and it acted as a comforter (don’t use those comforters with toys on because they’re not breathable). So the baby holds onto it and sucks it, even puts it over their face. It helps soothe them.
• Making sure they have a big feed before bed, so ensuring there is a long enough gap between their last feed and the bedtime feed. We do no food after 5pm except water then breastfeed for bedtime at 6:30pm before 7pm bedtime.
• Ensuring they are tired enough, so waking up from the last nap no later than 4.30pm for a 7pm bedtime
• Doing the bedtime feed in a dark room (only use a small nightlight if needed) with the same lullaby playlist playing every night. No white noise for the night though
• Do not pick them up when they’re crying just for attention (unless you can see something is seriously wrong of course). Give the comforter muslin back first if they’re crying because they’ve lost it. If you need to pick them up, go into the room, start chatting away and pretend to do something else like open drawers so they get distracted and hopefully stop, or even smile at you. Then pick them up. So they break the associated between crying and being picked up

Our baby now loves the cot so much and will lie awake in there playing if they can’t sleep until they drop off.

Consistency is key, we have kept the same routine for months with strict cut off timings for naps and food, going home and not staying out which I think has resulted in her being a good sleeper.

Goodluck, I feel for you so much, it’s tough.

I found co-sleeping was a total lifesaver.
Fuck the rule books. Breastfeed to sleep. Co-sleep. Don't wake them in the day if they nap. Let them sleep on you. Let them sleep in the warm / car. Have a glass of wine / slice of cake / at 2am if you totally going mad and need to calm down...

Whatever it takes. It's not forever.

Sleep train or just just let them cry it out.

Difficult to stomach cries, but they learn to self- soothe fast.

Both my children (now and 1 and 3) have been sleeping through the night since 6 /7 months of age. Which has saved my sanity.

Do you breast feed of formula? Make sure they have formula top up at bed time as often they wake as they are hungry and breast milk doesn’t seem to be as filling (in my experience - don’t shoot me formula haters).

A non-sleeping baby is the worst thing, it makes you hate everyone and everything. Especially at 3am. Drs if you suspect he’s uncomfortable for any reason but otherwise, co-sleep. I would never have slept without co-sleeping, mine hated being anywhere but my arms. And nap today if you can with the baby. Everything will feel better once you’re rested and fed – much like a baby! Solidarity, it’s torture.

My dd1 was an awful sleeper too and a needy baby, she’s 21 now but I remember those days and it was truly the hardest part of parenting. The lack of sleep just made me feel like a zombie….like I was just surviving. I did end up co sleeping as dd got older as she didn’t grow out of it until she was 3 😬. I did what I needed too to make things easier and her being in my bed meant I didn’t have to keep getting up to get her every time she cried. I had everything at hand next to my bed so I could change and feed her. I eventually had another dd and she was the complete opposite. Dh ended up co sleeping with dd1 and I slept with dd2 (I think I got the better deal).

You need rest. It's a personal choice but I would reduce the breastfeeding and introduce some formula so you can split the nights. You sleep 6-12 dh 12-6 or whatever works for you. Sending hugs x

Yes tucking a baby in bed with you isn't recommended but safe bed sharing is permissive

Sleep deprivation has been by far my worst part of parenting so far. It does get better. With my first her sleep improved significantly at 12 months.

I am currently co sleeping with my 6 month old as teething has her waking hourly. DH has moved into dd(4) room who also wakes in the night still, more at the moment due to school transition. This is the best way for us all to get some sleep. I would like to aim towards not co sleeping and having DH back in bed but for now this is what keeps us all sane ish. I’m still sleep deprived but functional.

You sound like me with my first, I struggled so badly with sleep deprivation and was so low. You might need to speak to your doctor. I would also split the night with your DH for a while so you can get at least a few hours each night to try and improve your health and well-being. For us this would look like my DH staying up late and holding the baby so I could sleep 8pm - 1am

OP you need to validate yourself that lack of sleep is awful.

I agree with others on here. Stop torturing yourself and give him a bottle of formula before bed. Honestly, mine were bottle fed from day one and they’re adults now. None of them have ever had a tummy bug. They’re all perfectly healthy people.

Ahhh bless you sending BIG hugs. I really feel for you, it's utterly draining.

My DS1 had a dairy allergy as a baby and was like this for a few weeks until I caved and get him seen and was put on Nutramigen so I would echo what alot of other posters have suggested and get to your GP ASAP to rule this out if nothing more.

If all is ok there....... I am assuming baby is still in a room with you and your DH? I found that around 4-5 months both my boys were unsettled at night in with us and I moved them into their own room at this point, strange but it did help, doors were left open and monitor on for them etc but I believe that they were just ready for that step too and maybe we were also disturbing them. I also found that if they did wake and had a little murmer or fidget they would self settle within a few minutes.

I hope things get better soon for you, in the meantime ask for some help if you have support around you even if it is only for a grandparent/friend/aunt/family member to pop round for a couple of hours so you can get some sleep. X

Tag team.

You say go to bed at 8 and sleep til 12. You then take over. You have four hours sleep in the bag already. Its horribly tough. I recall it well.

I recommend getting expert help from a sleep consultant. Try Andrea Grace. Good luck and I sympathise.

How are you doing OP? Bit worried you haven’t posted since your first one (though I totally understand why!!)

I got through with my first by sleeping late afternoon every day while DH / family member had the baby, which made the nights easier. DC2 was so much worse though - it was hell. I got through eventually by using a dummy (always swore I wouldn’t but I was so desperate I sent DH out for one at 10.30pm one night, and it did help), having white noise on constantly, and using a next-to-me crib which meant I could sleep with the baby on my arm but without him being actually in bed with me. Also always left it a couple of minutes to see if the baby would settle himself.

Sleep deprivation is the absolute pits, and makes you feel your absolute worst and like you can’t see a way out. There always is one, though, and it does get much better. This bit is about survival, taking whatever rest you can, and getting help - the phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ became well-known for a reason!! Speak to your health visitor, GP, other mums, whoever you can.

My son was like this and my husband wasn't around to help (overseas deployment) so I co-slept and honestly it was a game changer. If done safely and correctly it really helps. It meant DS could BF as and when he wanted to and although you are aware of it you don't have to be 'up'.

By the time he was a year old he was sleeping in his cot all night so don't believe people who will say you are making a rod for you own back. You need to save your sanity and get some sleep. Nothing lasts forever.

Hugs as it's bloody tough!

Give the baby a bottle in the night. Get your husband to book a Friday and monday of work in a few weeks. Ask family to babysit and go and have a nice weekend break in italy id suggest lake garda in sirmione honestly so relaxing. You come back refreshed calm and recharged

Co-sleeping was the answer for us too.

The act of lowering the baby in to something would always wake them up. I would breastfeed them to sleep, then kind of roll them on to the bed next to me so they didn't get a falling feeling.

Our baby also didn't go to bed until 10pm and I'd go to bed at the same time.

Being away from the baby isn't he answer ffs.

She needs support, support from her husband and support from her friends/family etc

Agh I can't stand these bloody sleep consultants. The mum is exhausted and needs more support..stop giving hundreds of pounds or the need for a sleep consultant when the mum needs more support

Aw bless you OP, it is killer! The worst bit of parenthood by far. I echo what others have said - if you're breastfeeding try co-sleeping. It is, literally, life saving (or was for me).

I very quickly realised that we are mammals and just have to do what mammals do. Flop a tit out, lie on your side, and let baby suckle to sleep. Your nipple naturally drops out when they've had their fill, then you both sleep. You may even sleep through the feed. You'll probably stir just before they're ready for the next feed and can flip to the other side without really waking.

No duvets unfortunately. I wore a dressing gown and joggers to sleep in and baby in one of those sleep bags.

Good luck. It does get better, but you are right down in the the trenches now. It's not forever, and you're not alone x

Cosleeping saved my life.

That said if you're not comfortable co sleeping your partner needs to take shifts with you. Someone does 8pm-2am and someone does 2am-8am. That way both of you can get at least 6 hours of sleep. If baby manages to sleep longer then that's great, but you need to both be able to tap in and tap out.

The only way mine would sleep at that age was cosleeping. Would wake up the second he was in the cot! He would just like to be close to us. We tried everything else.
And do shifts so each of you can get some decent sleep for a few hours at least.

Maybe move the baby onto a bottle that way your other half can help with feeds. Breastfeeding is hard work too and can be frustrating when you're the only one doing all of the feeding.
Also as other posters suggested go and seek some help from and doctor, nurse or health visitor. You're not alone.