My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

What has she actually asked? But how is it you are 'unfortunately' an obese mum if you have been eating healthily for 7 years? Or you eat unhealthily and she eats healthily. Is it that friends at school have made comments about your weight and have caused her to notice and start thinking or even worrying about it? More info needed.

You sound like a considerate mum. I aim to speak positively about my own & others’ bodies in front of dc, recognising the positives, even if I don’t feel brilliant. My dm is quite obsessive about her weight & she & my dad talk about it a lot. There was a lot of shame around her size & food growing up for me due to their negativity about my dm’s weight. I found it very difficult as a child & am now sensitive when anyone brings up weight & size.

There is a sweet book called ‘everybody has a body’, which is a simple celebration of different body types, maybe read that with her & talk about the things you love about yourself, if she asks about body size.

What is she actually asking you? Is it just curiosity. Is it about looks or about what you can or can’t do?

I eat unhealthy while she and her father eats healthy foods.

Yes, her friends at school have made comments about my weight.

She asked why am I so big. Why don't I eat like her and her dad. Why can't I play as long as she can without getting so tired. If I'm pregnant.

She asked why am I so big. Why don't I eat like her and her dad. Why can't I play as long as she can without getting so tired. If I'm pregnant. Why do I sweat so much.

Why don't you eat the same foods? Sounds much simpler than making different meals.

It is,a valid question?
Why don't you eat same as her and dad?

My mom was big too and the way she talked about her weight and my weight has lasting impacts on me.

Thank you for the reading suggestion.

Because I like sweets and greasy foods.

The simple answer is, I like sweets and greasy foods. I know how pathetic that sounds.

Just tell her the truth, in neutral, non emotional language. Its all you can do, really.

I cant fathom you choosing to eat unhealthily while your oh and daughter eat well.

So maybe , get healthy lose the weight , help her father set a good example

I think you need to be honest with her (and yourself). Use it as a starting point to eat better, exercise more. Not to lose weight necessarily, but to be healthier, to be able to play with your child for longer.

I think the questions are valid. My children are 11 and 8 and i have found that as they have got older i have had to make sure I’m fit enough to play football, do activities like high ropes, run with a frisbee etc.

For me the ‘why can’t you play as long as she can without getting so tired’ would be a big wake up call.

You like greasy foods and sweets, don’t we all but do you love your daughter more than the junk food? Sounds like you’re putting your health at risk and possibly shortening your time with your daughter. Maybe her questions are masking some very valid fears

I would generalise it some more and talk about obese people in general - explain what factors could contribute to this e.g. processed foods are made to be addictive, people don’t realise how much they are eating and don’t exercise enough, people have medical conditions that may contribute to less of a calorie deficit. I’m not sure you need to explain why you are obese yourself to your daughter. She can come to her own conclusions once she’s educated enough.

Start cutting grease down .
Limit the sweets to one day.
Swap fried for oven cooked.
Stop eating cheese.
Get out exercising walking
Or go forweight loss injections

Mounjaro. It works.

Of course I'm scared of being a bad influence if I tell her the truth but she has eyes and will probably figure things out soon enough.

I'm a woman who is over 300 pounds and my husband is a gym rat who maintains a less than a 175 pound figure. Just by looking at us one could guess we don't eat the same.

How will you react if/when she starts to follow your diet?

I really think you need to start eating the same food as your daughter and husband like a po said bit necessarily to lose weight but to set a good example to your daughter. I don't really get why you don't eat the same food as them.
I like sweets and greasy food but know I can't eat it everyday if I want to be healthy, not obese ( but I am overweight ) and set an example to my children.
At the moment your daughter is at the age where she can only access the food you give her but I'd be worried that when she can access her own food she'll follow your example.

It won't be easy but I really think you need to try and be a good role model, you can still eat sweets and junk food just not when your daughter is around or in limited amounts.

Tell her the truth. You make poor choices (by your own admission).
My mother was (is) morbidly obese when I was growing up. Her poor choices have impacted me throughout life, as I am constantly afraid of ending up her size if I don't constantly watch my weight. She is also now, in her 80s, absolutely crippled by her size.
Please role model healthy eating to her and use her questions as the opportunity to change things up, for you and her.

So if your mum’s words affected you, what have you done about this? Counselling, self talk, plain common sense?

She’s not really asking about your obesity. She’s asking normal questions for a 7 year old.

why doesn’t mummy eat the same as me?
Why does mummy get junk?
Why can’t mummy play with me?
A 7 year old sees a big belly and thinks there’s a baby.
Why does mummy get sweaty?

They aren’t bad questions.