My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

I always used to just say something like “bodies come in all different shapes and sizes. I’m a bit bigger than a lot of people at the moment because I’m not doing the amount of exercise I could do/eat too many fatty things etc, but I’m very proud of my body because it can do XYZ, it grew you etc etc. If I decide I want to get smaller I will work towards that, but I like myself anyway” type thing.

I would also tell the kids that while I am happy in who I am so don’t mind talking about how I look, you never know how other people might feel about themselves or what they might worry about etc, so it is always safest not to comment on how other people look just in case you hurt their feelings.

Sending a hug, OP. Please be kind to yourself. You can now look forward to losing weight. Think positively about every step and don’t put yourself down.

I lost 2.5 stone through sheer willpower and when I hit that plateau, and couldn’t shift another pound, I got Mounjaro. All the food noise stopped, I lost another 2 stone, and I’m happy now as I am. Being happy is what’s helping me maintain my weight now.

Maybe you could tell your daughter that you’ve made the less healthy choices with some of the foods you choose, and that she has inspired you to do something about it, having a balanced diet with an occasional treat.

Best wishes to you.

I was massively overweight. Due to various health conditions I wasn’t very mobile. I was horrified to discover I weighed 25 stones last November.

I have been using weight loss injections, self funded and I have lost 10 and a half and looking to lose another 4-5 stones. I am 56.

I have already damaged my joints, especially my knees, but I am not damaging them at the same rate as I was. One of my health conditions has become more severe, I am having to learn to live with it. I also have to live with all the loose skin.

My 6 year old grand daughter was delighted to tell me that she can get her arms around me now to hug me.

Please don’t leave it as long as I did, act now

OP, I've found it helps if you eat the healthy meals with your child, then you'll be fuller and less able to eat junk. I recommend taking the supplement myoinositol, it reduces carb and sugar cravings without side effects. Having a full healthy diet means you have less space for the junk. Waiting 2 hours to eat in the morning really helped me reduce the junk, and eating something savoury for breakfast after breaking that fast.

I enjoy greasy, fatty foods too, but only eat a very small amount whenever I have any, otherwise it makes me nauseous now. If the focus is on fuelling your body with the nutritious stuff first, it helps get over the mental barrier of not wanting to give up the junk.

Shes not stupid. She can see you're fat and wants to know why. She can see how restrictive it is for you.

I knew my mum was unemployed and asked her if she was - kids dont get subtlety.

I totally empathise with you as I have food addiction issues too, luckily in remission at the moment due to following the excellent and comprehensive program "bright line eating", you could watch their free masterclass video on their website which talks about weight loss injections too. Most people on bright line eating do it without injections but you totally can do both, if injections agree with you (they don't agree with everyone, but they switch off the food chatter and make it easier to make healthier choices and eat way less). BLE will teach you how to eat to not reignite cravings etc and teach you how to actually keep in a slim body without rebounding (which most programs don't teach, and a lot of people without that teaching rebound after injections). It's not a scam, it's a serious program to deal with food addiction and help lose weight and the creator of it is a neuroscientist and former food addict herself. It's nothing to be ashamed about as it's a matter of biochemistry. Unfortunately for some of us some foods act as addictive drugs. It's not a matter of willpower and you've likely been struggling under shame your whole life. I'm so sorry that a poster described this issue as pathetic and disgusting. It really isn't, it's a serious problem that does kill us if we don't deal with it , albeit probably a bit slower than alcoholism. I was really controlled and really healthy eating despite my food addiction (which masked it for a long time)and I knew all about healthy food and ate healthily previously but I put on so much weight while I was in an unhappy marriage and it just kept going up and up nomatter what I did. I've lost 3 stone with Bright Line Eating and another 2 to go. I have a 5 year old daughter and she is obsessed about fat and about my belly. (I'm now a size 12). I understand the issue of not wanting to give her her own body issues.

.Also - I'm actually a qualified nutritional therapist so I knew how to eat healthily but all my addicitve slip ups meant that my diet mentaility way of slimming down wouldn't work anymore. I have tried every food eating plan under the sun and this is the only one I ever stuck with long term and successfully. Even when I was eating healthy foods before, I didn't even realise that I was regularly binging - but when I was under stress in my marriage and when my mum died and so on I was on takeaways and ringing up in the night for ice-cream to be delivered, while i had chest pain and was thinking what the hell am I doing... . The first time I tried BLE years back before the addiction had got really bad, I treated it like just another fad diet and tried it for a bit (just from reading the book ) and then forgot about it. But a couple of years ago I realised it was the best most comprehensive eating plan I could follow and actually provided a route out of diet mentality and yo yo dieting and binging/ fasting whcih is what I had been doing... I signed up to their membership and it has been brilliant. Addiction gets progressively worse, of food or anything, unless we get into recovery and this is a program to get into and stay in recovery. If you actually suffer from binge eating disorder or anything like that too, they have very good support for that. The community aspect is fantastic. I now have a regular group of women also all food addicts in recovery (and we slip up and then get back on track) and we communicate every day, such a great support - the women who are in my little group are in Canada, America, Norway, England and me in N. Ireland. I also met an amazing therapist in BLE that I now have regular parts work therapy with (Internal Family Systems) which is really curing me of childhood trauma which had been at the root of a lot of my issues... and my therapist is in Australia!! How crazy is that! Literally the other side of the world. It has also changed my life so much for the better. She's a brilliant therapist and she's way cheaper than in the UK. That reminds me , I need to go book this week's session with her.

The thing that makes it very relevant for you is that many people have come from BIG numbers and lost 100, 200 pounds on it and kept it off. But you could for sure do the injections and also BLE. And you can do BLE without joining their program although to be honest that would be quite difficult to stick to withoiut all the coaching and support and teaching that is available within it, but some do manage it and you can find unofficial facebook groups etc. But you can have a browse and see what you think. BTW I am not affiliated with them in any way, and I'm not even really practising nutrtional therapy at the mo much myself, I am just applying this all to myself but it would certainly help you so much, either with or without injections (some use injections to get off sugar, flour and other unhealthy foods that they're addicted to and then wean off the drugs at the right time while staying on the way of eating. ) Good luck. You can do this! And you deserve it! Your daughter is your motivation to try. And just keep getting back on the horse. With food addiction most of us don't get to where we want to go in a straight line. Some do but others don't but by persisting and pressing in to support, you will get there.

With love, please sort this out darling.

Consider Ozempic or similar - improve your diet, get walking and get down to a healthy BMI.

1. Because you want to be a good, healthy-weight role- model for your daughter
2. Because you want to stay alive to see her grow up and be part of your future grandchildren’s lives.

Dont talk about ‘naughty’ foods. It’s completely unhelpful. Call them unhealthy if you like, but not naughty or fattening. A healthy relationship with food means not demonising some foods. It’s about balance.

I think you should be totally honest.

We need food for fuel and nutrition. Some foods like meat and vegetables contain nutrition to keep us active and healthy. Other foods like oil and sugar don’t contain much in the way of nutrition despite tasting nice, and if you you eat too much of anything the body stores the extra as fat.

You like eating sweet and greasy food, and too much of it. Hence you are storing it as fat. Unfortunately storing extra fat can lead to health problems, including not being able to be so active.

The bottom line is do you want to be alive to watch her grow up, maybe have her own children, see where she goes in life?

If you do, you need to make some changes. I know it is very hard. But try just one thing for a month, say having a small healthy breakfast of fruit and plain yoghurt (a single serving pot). See if you can stick to it. If you can, make another change, maybe no biscuits in the house (or whatever it is that you like to eat). Then another change, then another. Slow and steady.

If you can't, then seek outside help. Investigate weight loss drugs. I think your daughter would like you to be around for longer than you will be if you continue as you are. She'd like it if you could run around with her. She'd like it if you were all eating the same meals together as a family. She'd like it if you weren't sweaty and tired.

If you can't do it for yourself, can you not you do it for her?

Try listening to the Zoe podcast, it might inspire you to start making healthier swaps with your food. There's some quite scary stuff about how excess fat cells are a big driver of inflammation and ill health.

You can start small with making changes if big changes feel overwhelming.

I'd explain to her that you got in bad habits with food (at whatever age) and that you find it makes you happy eating certain foods now, so don't choose the healthiest foods. That the things you eat are fine as part of a balanced diet, and that you hope one day to be able to do that (if that's true anyway) but that currently life's and works busy so you just eat the things you like.

My best friend is obese and he now has osteoporosis and is prediabetic. I know it is hard to change your diet but if you can you will at least avoid diabetes and the more severe diet restrictions that that would involve.

Its also a mantra on pro-anorexic websites, and ‘skinny’ is not a word anyone should be using, imo.

@littlepinkbow2025 Are you in the UK? I’ve a feeling you’re not (Mom, pounds) so I don’t know if Mounjaro (Zepbound in the US) or one of the other weight loss injections would be available to you, but if so, they might be worth considering.

I think you’ve already made the decision to change things, OP. Why don’t you try a group such as Slimming World? I have lost weight with them and know people locally who have lost as much as 10stone and kept it off. It works if you stick with it and the aim is that you cook from scratch and fill up with healthy foods so you don’t feel hungry. I used to go when my children were young and we called it Mummy’s Healthy Eating Club as a way to avoid talking about weight loss. Good luck OP - you can do this. 💪

Just answer honestly and praise her how she eats good healthy foods. How exercise and healthy eating means she has more energy to play more like her dad going to the gym.
Maybe show her that you recognise that you need to make better food choices but overall try and focus on the positives and that people are made up of different shapes & sizes (or something like that!)

OP hasn't asked for weight loss advice and some of this advice must be making her feel like shit about herself and her parenting.

Lots of parents smoke and drink to excess, or take drugs putting themselves at risk of early death. The physical evidence is not as tangible as excess fat, which is why kids might not question it, until they are old enough to understand that their parent is unhealthy.

OP, I'd simply respond by telling her the truth: Your relationship with food is not healthy right now, as you eat too many sweet and fatty foods, this means you are overweight and not as mobile and fit as you would like. You'd like to be slimmer, but that's not your number 1 priority right now.

It's important for you not to reduce your value to her, just because you are overweight, so she does not learn to equate value with body size.

Own it. Tell her, yes, I'm fat, this is because of xyz. She doesn't need to know how you feel about it, just be matter-of-fact.

My mum is an obese woman and I grew up being shamed by my classmates for my mum being large.

My mum always owned her weight. She would say "if they make fun of you for my weight, tell them I'll come and sit on them."

She never told me how being overweight made her feel, only that she was.
It's only as an adult I've come to realise how much of a struggle my mum has with food. She has since told me (only in the last couple of years) how much her mother would tell her off/ make fun of her for being fat, and her sister and partner would frequently joke about it too. I had no idea growing up how difficult this must've been for her, she was just my strong mum who happened to be fat. She owned her weight, never tried to deny it, she just said she enjoyed food too much.

I believe I have her to thank for having an unusually relaxed attitude to the way I look. I'm a normal weight, and comfortable in my own skin. I'm incredibly lucky.

I'm only a little bit overweight and was recently diagnosed with pre-diabetes, I assume due to eating too much sugar despite healthy meals. I've managed to turn it around and not get a diabetes diagnosis. So watch out for that. But more relevantly here - I completely adjusted my diet and stopped eating anything unhealthy/carby at all for a few weeks. My doctor recommended I relaxed the diet a bit as I was losing a lot of weight and it wasn't really sustainable. But due to those few short weeks, I really don't crave unhealthy food anymore and can eat just one biscuit (!!). The other day my husband got my fave ice cream and I had 3 spoonfuls and actually felt that was enough. I honestly never thought I'd be that type of person. So just stop eating the shit, go cold turkey for your family and your health, and it will get easier quicker than you could imagine.

It’s the famous saying, isn’t it? “I would die for my children.” We all say it. We love them so much we’d die for them.

but would you LIVE for them?

make changes now and live for your daughter(s)

Op I don't know if this is the right thing to do but I would just answer truthfully but very briefly without making a big deal out of it. My daughter of a similar age to yours asked me (nicely) if I'm fat and I said yes, based on my weight I am classed as obese and I would be healthier if I ate healthier food and did more exercise. I tried to not make it sound like a massive problem or a big deal but at the same time I didn't want to lie (because obviously she can see im obese and not pregnant) and she was fine with that.

Good point, well taken. I was trying to use age appropriate language but the food isn’t naughty - eating too much of it is!!

It might feel hard but I think being happy in your skin, even if you fake it, is great for children to see. You are a kind loving mom and you should show yourself the same love and kindness and let the children see that! I have told mine that my body, soft and squishy in parts, is like that because it is perfect for holding babies and making them feel comfy. I think it is good to be healthy and so amazing that you are considering ways to improve ✨️ but please show yourself and your body some love ❤️ you will get to where you want to be!

I changed schools due to a house move when I was around 6.I went to a small rural school where I was bullied relentlessly and I always remember them asking me what weight my mother was, why was she fat etc.
One of the sad things I remember is that I lied about her weight and said she was ie:16 stone when she was 18.
I'm not saying your daughter is being treated like that but there needs to be conversations as I know I was totally unprepared for those comments.My poor Mother had a very traumatic life , orphaned ,was sectioned to a very archaic mental hospital etc and her weight should never have been a playground discussion point.

When your children ask you questions you must always answer them truthfully in an age appropriate way. Nothing matters more than your honesty as that is the foundation of trust in your relationship.
You could start by simply answering that people have all different body types and you have a bigger body, and that makes it hard for you to run.
Then take each subsequent question as it comes. If she asks why you are bigger then you can explain in neutral tones that you eat a lot of sweet and greasy foods. Do not use emotive terms like good and bad. Do not shame yourself. Be honest, objective and factual.
If she shows concern for your health then I think you need to take that on board and decide if you are going to plan to address it, so you can share the plan with her.