My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

What about health problems than can cause your body not to,want to lose weight even eating less ?
Metabolism ?
I am struggling as i can only have 1000 calories a day to lose weight being short .
My sister eats about 5000 a day !

Still a size 8-10

I'm reading all the comments. I'm sorry that I haven't replied to all of them. I have a head cold right now so I'm a little out of it.

I can hear the sadness and shame coming through your posts, OP.

I can also feel the love and care for your children.

It must seem like a daunting task, even to face your daughter's questions, let alone take action. But I think this is the start of something for you. Could you make a GP appointment to discuss your options? It may be that weight loss drugs could be made available to you. Counselling may be useful also, as it sounds like there's been generational issues around food, weight and feelings of worth.

I don't think you should feel ashamed. Obesity is not well understood still, but with drugs like mounjaro having such success, it's becoming more apparent that it's not just a matter of will power. Take advice, research for yourself and make a plan involving your family. You, and they, deserve you to have good health.

I'm going to try to work on the shame. The shame hasn't been helping me. I need to focus on better motivations, like my daughter, husband, and wanting to be well.

Hopefully this time I can make progress. Despite how it may seem, this is the best my self-esteem has been. It's a low bar but I'm in a better mental place when compared to how I have been in the past.

Maybe now is the time I can finally lose some weight. But baby steps, one day at a time.

Could you hear it as a wake up call and makes some changes

You sound positive and realistic. Take help and support where it's available.

Your health and happiness and the quality of life you can achieve with your family is what's important, rather than numbers on the scale or what anyone on MN has to say. It's a complex issue if you’ve struggled with weight for a long time. There are probable genetic reasons of how your metabolism is set up and then the psychological impact of struggling for so long without fully understanding why.

I think if your self-esteem is in a relatively good place you'll find the next step easier to take. The mind definitely has to be in the right place for the actions to follow. All the best, I hope you achieve what you have in mind.

That's great advice from @AmoozzBoosh , but one thing I would suggest is to think of your progress as climbing the ladder to better eating habits and better health, and a brief slip isn't "falling off the wagon" just losing your grip and dropping a rung or two, so you're not tempted to give up at the first sign of difficulty. At this point I wouldn't even focus on the weight, but making sure you get your five portions of fruit/veg a day, eating healthy balanced meals, and cutting back on the sugary snacks. That way you can show your daughter that the important thing is not what size she is, but that she looks after her body and makes sure that it has what it needs to enable her to do what she wants to do.

This a a brave post from you.

Ultimately she will want to know why you don’t love yourself enough to want to eat well and live a long life.

The pleasure you get from greasy foods doesn’t come close to the high you get from feeling more comfortable in your body & eating cleaner (this can still be tasty food).

Ask her to help you get stronger in your mind and body. Join Slimming World & cook colourful & exciting foods with her. As you become fitter & happier she will feel a sense of pride as she will have helped you.

C’mon! You know you can do it. One day at a time. X

Noom is an amazing support & you can get a free trial which is easy to unsubscribe from.

Your post is your first step! Well done. 🙌🏻

just be honest, kids are smarter than you realize. the fact she is even asking you about your weight shows she wants to understand

Wow. This could have been me 21 years ago. My son was 7 and starting to ask questions about my weight. I was 26 stone. I feel fat, ugly, worthless, unattractive. I knew I was failing him as a Mother and it was only going to get worse. So I lost weight. I will never forget a few months later when I was still overweight but not obese - we went to the beach and I was running with him and he looked at me and said “mum, I didn’t know you could run”.
He now has a 5 year old who I have been fortunate enough to care for whilst they are at work and I have the energy to keep up with him at 50. I very much doubt I would still be here if I hadn’t lost weight and treasure every minute with my Grandson.
Do it for yourself, your kids and your husband. Hardest thing you will ever have to do but trust me it is the best thing you will ever do 💕

That's harsh and I don't agree that it's disgusting. (To me that word only refers to hygiene.)

Not everyone needs to have the same attitudes towards food. I have an an adult friend who has autism and it's not in their nature to worry much about 3 square meals and healthy food. They have become somewhat better as heath reasons kinda forced their hand, but they take/took great pleasure in eating sometimes "unhealthy" foods blissfully and guilt free.

You cant have ot all. I love cake but hardly eat it as i prefer being slim.

It is natural to like sweets and greasy foods, but do you love them more than your family? Obesity is a serious health risk. Stop being so stubborn and sort yourself out. BTW, I speak as someone who has struggled to control weight all my life, I'm not a smug natural skinny. What if she asks you not to come to events, or if she stops inviting friends over because she's embarrassed by you, how will that make you feel? You are serving healthy food, just eat it!!!

You could just be factual. The foods we eat and how much of them are what fuel us and we store extra fuel as fat. Sometimes people don’t burn off the fat and so they have more than others - like mummy does.

That’s to get it free not private .

What if it was a relatives weight she was asking about ??
You would reply with respect, saying we are all different, different sizes different abilities, everyone is acceptable and welcome in our home .and we don't make hurtful comments about weight .
End of

These are all valid questions and you sound a very considerate mum! I think telling her that all bodies aredifferent and function differently would be a good way to navigate this convo.

It’s never too late. You owe it to your husband and daughter to be as fit and healthy as you can be.

@littlepinkbow2025 a friend of mine lost weight through counselling to understand her relationship with weight. She's much more informed about meals now and uses the gym more. She was hugely obese before and now noticeably less. She's scared of WLI. It's great to see. Pretty sure this was triggered by her child being singled out for having a big mum. Whatever the reason, im really proud of her doing it herself and keeping it off.

Op, two things.

how do meal times work in your house? Do you eat with your husband and daughter? Sit there with a different meal you prepared or do you eat at a different time, it sounds like the former, if your daughter is asking why you don’t eat the same.?

you say maybe now you can lose weight, to be honest, that sounded a little weak, not someone who fully intends to lose weight. Did you feel pressure to say you will due to the thread but don’t wish to undertake the effort?

if you do intend to, what is your actionable plan?

It’s a call to change OP! I say this as someone who was previously obese.

I thought same.
A 7 year old will learn about healthy choices and the consequences of not making them at school.
Theyre also old enough to know when theyre bring fobbed off.
OP's daughter deserves better than these half answers.

Food addiction is very real you have my sympathy as I have been where you are. Five years ago I came across a book called Bright Line Eating written by a neurologist it was so clear and it helped me completely change what I was doing to my poor body. I’ve kept off eight and a half stone ever since which has felt like a miracle to me. If I can do it you can for sure - look at the website there’s no gimmicks just science I hope this helps.