My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

I wonder if as your daughter is getting older other children are commenting on your size , she may be embarrassed and fearful of your health risks , perhaps you could try and address your obesity for your daughters sake and your own . It’s very sad that she’s so anxious about your weight . There is lots of support available if you try to change your eating habits . Good Luck x

Op, I’d like to put this in context. I’ve lost 6 and a half stone in mounjaro, and feel healthier than I have in years, I had no side effects, and 80 percent of people don’t. I want to point this out as as much as this poster personally had horrific side effects, that’s far from the norm, if anything I’d say my experience is much more the norm. And it reads like it is horrific as standard, it’s not,

lots of positive advice here but simply’pulling yourself together is not the answer for people who have addictions whether it’s Food gambling alcohol or anything else that is making your life unmanageable in my experience once someone is sick and tired of being sick and tired they reach a ‘rock bottom’ or turning point’
Just changing your eating habits is papering over the cracks and does not he
with the underlying addiction some people can actually feel worse as they no longer have the crutch life can be even Moore unbearable as the hole in the soul is not being filled there are lots of enlightening books on this EG “fat is a family affair’
go for you for reaching out you might find Overeaters Anonymous is a good resource you can go to meetings online
you can easily diagnose yourself

Years ago I worked with a girl who was very obese. She had a daughter and like you made healthy choices for her.
When the daughter was in primary school she started cutting back on food. When her mother noticed she said she didn’t want to become fat.
So maybe the best thing to do is talk to her about it.

Sorry for the essay - From this latest post, you do sound like you are now in a good place to start to make even those little changes - even just writing it down here shows that - some replies are great, with good advice & recommendations, some seem just not manageable & a bit hard on you - (the 'why not' type don't really help someone who is struggling - with weight or indeed, anything else).

Weight loss drugs - maybe worth trying if you can (yes, I have done & recommend Mounjaro, & lost my goal of 3 stone in about 4 months) - so, it did work for me - but its not for everyone, and now not always available & it's suddenly getting very expensive. (Sorry, that bit isn't helpful at all.....😶 - except that you do spend less on food, as you just don't want it....).
(eg - I used to be able to scoff a whole bar of chocolate in one go, but now one lasts a week...😇!!! If I even bother to buy it).

Luckily I have reached my goal - and no, since stopping the Mounjaro I haven't had any 'rebound' effects - I still eat less & better / healthier than before, and that feeling of getting into a whole new (well, my old wardrobe) of smaller size clothes is lovely (eg - not needing to wear the long floppy 'coverall' T shirts etc). Not to mention having more energy, clearer skin, able to wear shoes with heels again, lol, and therefore more incentive to stay this size.

Maybe write a 'blog' or diary - not public, but for yourself?

Your daughter sounds very wise for her age, (she will love you whatever size you are - she is just asking intelligent questions that she has thought about) - please update how you get on, whatever route you take, and however long it takes. Good luck - & don't be too hard on yourself - you sound like a lovely person, please take just one of those baby steps tomorrow, it may not happen overnight, and you may have slip ups, but you will get there as you know you want to.🌹❤

I would see this as a wake up call and you need to see your GP, get a referral for the weight management service, maybe counselling too, and put your kids first.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound mean. I know it's tough and I agree it sucks. I love bad food too, who doesn't? But I do my best because I want to set a good example and teach my kids good habits long term and be around a long time for them and maximise my chances to not die early.

I have a photo of my kids on my fridge to help motivate me, have a dog so I have to at least get out for a bit each day, and brought a fitbit to monitor and motivate me. Maybe some of those would help you?

Good luck.

youve had some great advice so far and it also feels like you have now reached a tipping point where you feel quite motivated to do something about your weight.

One thing I would add is that when you change your diet it’s hard at first but really quite quickly your tastebuds change.

I had a bit of weight to lose earlier this year and I did the Human Being Diet (it’s quite extreme at first so might be too much to start off with) but I had got in a few bad habits, and wasn’t being super conscious about things like portion size although my diet was generally quite healthy. But what I found was that really quickly you don’t crave the rubbish anymore and do actually crave healthy foods. It’s also a really good feeling putting foods into your body that you know are nourishing it.

I have also done the Zoe project before, and really liked that. It makes you quite accountable without being really pressured as it’s just an app. But I really liked the lessons I learned from it, and I found logging all my meals made me much more conscious and aware.

Sorry that’s my long winded way of saying the hardest part is starting but I always think if I had just done this X weeks ago I’d be at this point now. Your tastes will change, you won’t always be craving the junk foods. You crave them because you eat them but you can change that, just find things you like. Indulge in the more expensive Greek yogurt, delicious sourdough or fancier hummus etc as your treats it doesn’t have to be all boiled veg.

also maybe read/listen to something like the Ultra Processed People book as when you hear about the stuff they are putting in junk foods it’s horrible.

good luck!!!!

She does not need to “stop eating cheese🙄 a moderate amount is fine 😒

By not addressing your bad eating habits it is causing your daughter issues.

get help for your weight and eating issues.

I just wanted to send a hug of solidarity and a thank you for posting, as my 7 and 10 year old (girl and boy respectively) have started asking similar question. It's nice not to feel alone.

I'm scared to use the word fat or talk negatively about my body as I don't want them to grow up with issues around their own bodies.

My son has learnt at school that excess weight is bad for your health and is really scared I'll die, especially as my dad died early from heart disease, and he's aware of that.

I feel dreadful, I've never been this large, apart from when pregnant, and none of my clothes fit anymore. My husband and kids are super skinny and active and I've just gone the other way to the extent I can no longer play tag or games that involve running. It's because food is my crutch when my mood is low /possibly perimenopause kicking in, and I've lost all discipline in the last couple of years.

I don't really know how to start getting healthier though. We don't have junk food in the house, besides ice creams in the summer, now all gone, so I can't do a sweep of that. I think I just eat more food than I need, e.g
I'll snack on endless slices of bread or eat larger portions than I should.

I've tried doing beginners workouts on YouTube, e.g. with Joe Wicks, but I struggle to push myself like I used to.

I feel a bit lost.

You’re not pathetic you’re a good mum with food issues - can your GP help you? Xx

"I like sweet and greasy food.." I mean you need to at least try don't you. I'm fat I have been all my life but I'm trying not to be....

sorry to hear about this OP.
you could tell your daughter that everyone’s bodies come in different shapes and sizes. Some people have more fat than others, also that some people have more muscle than others. Also a gentle reminder that it’s not the done thing to comment on anyone’s appearance as we don’t know what they’ve been through or going through.
don’t be hard on yourself and panick about trying jabs or do a mad “diet”. Just be you and guide your daughter through this emotional time.
all the best

also, ignore all these judgemental, pushy, negative comments. If food makes you happy and gives you comfort then so be it, everyone has a vice, some use drugs prescribed or not, alcohol, sex, exercise.
please don’t be hard on yourself.

Shut up love, judgey Jill

Who don’t like sweet and greasy food! What does she need to try?!
I’ve been 13 stone and 23 stone at different points in my 38 years of life.
you are who you are, the same person regardless of you size or abilities or the numbers on a scale. My kids and family have loved me all same

She needs to try as obesity is the biggest killer we have, it is the number 1 cause of cancer, then we have heart attack stroke, diabetes, fatty liver. Most people feel it’s reasonable to say you need to try, rather than let someone just eat themselves into an early grave whilst waving them on.

People have freedom and choice, we don’t know this lady personally and we don’t know what’s she been through. Why should everyone be judging her on here? Everyone has had struggles in life. Being hard on yourself doesn’t get you anywhere, it causes more stress. I’m sure op already knows what you’re saying. And you shouldn’t be the one saying she has to try! That’s her choice and decision

I think there is a huge element of body shaming here, and blame. People don't get obese because there is bad will to eat healthy, there is usually a more complex scenario in place leading to being obese, over the years. Bad habits and coping mechanisms first.

Even though it is preferable to be thin and eat healthy, we shouldn't spread the culture that obese people deserve the highest degree of lack of respect because they have no control.

I was obese in my teens and got bullied. More than anything an obese person needs to learn and teach respect and as a mum I would explain that there are many different body shapes and it's perfectly fine to be different. Then when she gets older and ready to hear it, more details added about diets etc.

Many children of obese people develop an eating disorder and I think she shouldn't start to feel shame for her mom's body weight, too young to bring this burden.

Having said that of course I agree that healthy eating is a good choice, yet it doesn't come that easy when there is a long term coping mechanism in place.

Also let me add that as on oversize person I normally don't accept suggestions from thin people as they wouldn't work for me, when there is a huge amount of overweight you need a structured plan and medical assistance to lose weight healthily, a slight change of habits might help with those who just have a couple of pounds in excess.

Talking from experience.
Big hug OP

I would start by not eating your sweets and junk food in front of her. Those products are designed to be highly palatable (addictive) and her curiosity will eventually get the better of her.

She'll end up eating the same as you and developing the same compulsive eating habits.

Have your sweets and junk once she's gone to bed.

And eventually you have to tell her the truth regarding what body fat is and why some people have more than others. What I'm hinting at is teaching her the fat cells are the bodies way of storing excess calories that the body doesn't currently require. And you have more fat cells because you eat too much and find it hard to stop.

It's hard. I was never close to obese but used to bounce between 170cm and 63-68 kilograms in healthy range but top end of it. I ended up going on the jabs and am now 50kg. My 5 year told me how proud she was of me and that I wasn't "embarrassing" anymore and please stay this way. I eat healthy. I always have. I used to workout 6 times a week. Before the jabs I was never able to get back to being skinny like I was before Covid. I put on 10kg during with mum dying and lockdown stress. I'm very bothered by the fact that at 5 she already knew my healthy body was embarrassing.

Really? I have gained and lost weight over the years and my kids barely noticed and certainly never commented.

It definitely depends on height too. I’m a midget and if I put a pound on everyone would be able to instantly tell!

@Bananarama2000 I have no doubt you've used it entirely innocently, but the term "midget" is considered very offensive to people with various forms of dwarfism and, like many such regressive terms, should be avoided

My Mum was also obese.
And I felt hugely protective of her from other people..I knew she would eat to feel better.
I would perhaps seek counselling your daughter is still very young.