My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

I was constantly aware of my mothers weight when I was a child, she always had an excuse for it. I remember sobbing hysterically to her as a teen, telling her that I didn’t want her to be overweight and die. The anxiety around it effected me horrendously, even though I’m slim.
She never changed and I’ve always thought it’s quite frankly sad and pathetic that admitting she needs help and actually making a change isn’t something she’s willing to do for her own children.
please, show your daughter how much she means to you. Greasy food won’t be the one sat crying at your funeral.

Make changes, take control of your life - you know what to do.
I hope her friends haven’t been commenting on your weight.
Make your daughter proud of her Mum - that’s your best motivation.

When I was your DDs age I was asking questions about my mums smoking. I hated it and worried she’d get cancer. At 21 stone your health is going to be impacted. Get help and try and join your family in healthier eating habits. Don’t make a big deal of it with your DD. Good luck.

But the answer isn’t “because I’m obese.” You don’t eat different food because you’re obese… you’re obese because you eat different food.

You have a very simple choice to make; keep the greasy food and stay as you are/get bigger or change your diet and still be alive for your children. That’s the reality.

I’m currently 13st 10lbs. I’ve lost half a stone, only been trying for a month and it’s slow going but slow and steady is better and more sustainable. It’s not easy, you have to accept that you’re going to crave stuff you can’t have and you’re going to be hungry. It just is what it is. But I love my children more than I love food so… do you?

As someone that has struggled with weight all her life and who’s kids have seen both Size 22 and Size 12 (and everything in between) I think it’s best to be honest.
Don’t need to go into extreme details and talk about unresolved trauma etc etc but you could say that when you were a child you weren’t taught about healthy food and why it’s important, and unfortunately you really like ‘naughty foods’ which you eat all the time instead of just for treats.
I mean that’s the reality isn’t it? I’m speaking from experience here…
You could go on to say that you’re really proud of how she eats so healthily and you’re going to try to be a bit more like her. I’m sure she’ll be totally chuffed to hear that!

The below is said with no judgement and just how I would answer.

Why am I so big?
Bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes and this is mine. My body is the best at giving cuddles! Lots of people think its rude to comment on someone else's body though.

Why don't I eat like her and her dad.
You and Daddy have such a healthy diet. I wish I liked peas as much as you! Did you like the carrots last night? Should I try them tonight?

Why can't I play as long as she can without getting so tired.
Because Im unfit.

If I'm pregnant.
No.

If she was being mean I'd say "No and its rude to comment on people's weight".

Why do I sweat so much.
Because that's just what my body does.

I am an obese mum too, My BMI was 40 at my biggest, but it is now 35 and i am working towards the 30 mark.
I think the thing for me was the fact my daughter noticed how people were treating me and the boys in her class teased her. She did ask questions. Its v difficult but they do start to notice if they're parents are treated badly by others because their different. Maybe have a sit down and a chat with her? To get to the bottom of where these questions are coming fromX

Example is the most important influence. Kids will do as you do, not as you say. She is old enough now to clock you eat junk, and she will soon be doing that too. Youvwill have less and less control over her diet.

Go on mounjaro. It works. It isn’t that expensive as you save a lot lot lot of money on food every month.
please stay alive for your daughter.
if bmi over 40 you can ask GP for prescription

Surely it’s harder to do what OP is doing given that her DH and DD eat healthy meals as OP has to cook/buy/whatever other food.

This! You seem extraordinarily passive about the whole thing. At your weight you will have lasting health issues, “liking sweets and greasy foods” could cost you future years with your children!

Pretty relevant and insightful questions from a 7 year old.

You could try actually setting a good example for your daughter by eating the same healthy foods as her and your husband? Children learn from what they see you do, not what you tell them! Practice what you preach - if you want her to be healthy, you need to model healthy for her. Go and see your GP as a first step - there is lots of support for weight loss of you're prepared to take it.

If it's so easy why isn't OP doing it?

I’ve spent most of my adult life being obese, finally at 59 I’ve taken control! I wish I had done it years ago, you’re young: change your diet and have fun with your daughter! They are children for such a short time!

Well that’s the obvious question and having read through the thread I can’t figure out why.

Try not to talk about foods as “good” and “bad”. I’d just tell her that mummy has a bigger belly than her because mummy isn’t eating as many fruits and vegetables as her and daddy. Keep it simple.

It sounds like you’re wanting to make a change. It’s a lot easier said than done, but if you can get your attitude in the right place, it’s totally doable. You deserve to feel happy and healthy. Shame is such a debilitating emotion and it can make us feel hopeless. You have the ability to do it, I promise.

@littlepinkbow2025 im 100kg myself. Im one of the bigger mums, and single. I think you need to slowly make changes really, and try and show her you are doing it. You sound like you are miserable. Join one of the weight loss threads and start tmw.

It's not pathetic. It's honest. But it's single-focused. You also like playing with your daughter and like that she is healthy in her eating and weight. I bet you'd like the same for yourself. There must be lots of things you like and would like in your life that don't cause obesity. You could focus on those more heavily. Not deny what your food tastes are but focus more on your tastes in other aspects of your life and see if that helps you to genuinely want healthier choices for yourself - not just in foods, but in all aspects of your life and your attitude to your self and your own needs.

Why am I so big?
Bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes and this is mine. My body is the best at giving cuddles! Lots of people think its rude to comment on someone else's body though.

WTF?
Bodies don’t come as obese!
Skinny people can show physical affection- who wants a sweaty fat hug?
It’s rude to comment on strangers but you should be able to ask your mum anything.

Even though your daughter is like her father now in terms of eating habits doesn’t mean she will stay that way. She may decide your approach is the one she wants to adopt

I’d be honest with her. It doesn’t have to focus on appearance but on health. Something like ‘I need to eat more healthy food like you and your dad.’, ‘I need to work on it’, ‘Sometimes I find it hard to make good decisions about food, I’m still trying to figure it out’, ‘You’re right, it’s not healthy to carry so much weight as it stops me doing things I want to’, etc.

But for me, my children were the wake-up call I needed to lose weight. Being the fat parent unable to climb into soft play, run after them, go out biking, risk dying years before I should and leaving my kids without a mother, putting myself at massively increased risk of all types of health conditions… I didn’t want any of those things. I also wanted to model healthy body image and activity levels to my two girls. It has become very important to me that they grow up seeing balanced eating and having fit and healthy parents.

I lost 5 stone and neither commented on appearance, but they have both been delighted I’m now able to go on zip lines with them and do treetop adventure courses and all the active stuff they love. If you can use this as a motivator, it could be life-changing for you. So don’t dodge the questions, answer them honestly for yourself as much as her.

Do you love sweets and greasy foods more than your daughter? That’s what it comes down to. Your poor choices will impact your health and therefore her life. Learn from her and take a kick up the backside!

I think you owe it to your daughter to try and eat the same meals her and her dad do. She’s likely worried about you.

Gosh, you have a lot going on. You sound very hard on yourself. There are things out there to help you lose weight once you have made up your mind that, not only do want to do it, but you will put the effort into doing it. No one finds it easy to lose weight, so don't feel bad that you don't find it easy either. Nearly everyone prefers sweet and fatty food over other food (and the more you eat of this sort of food, the more you want) - you don't prefer it because you are a failure, but because you are normal. However, the less you eat of it, the less you want it. And no one can eat sweet/fatty food and stay healthy. That is just the way it is. No magic fixes (except there is now, isn't there, with the weight-loss pills).
Good luck.