My 7 year old daughter is indirectly asking me about my obesity

[littlepinkbow2025]

My 7 year old daughter is an active girl at a healthy weight. Because of conscious decisions her father and I took while she was a baby, she actually likes healthy foods.

I'm unfortunately an obese mom. Recently, she has been indirectly asking me about my obesity and I'm scared to answer her questions. How a parent talks about one's own weight issues can seriously affect a child's body image. Any advice ?

It's never too late to change Op, many small steps can lead to successful results. You sound sad and full of shame, can you get some therapy?

I didn't mean to imply that they are bad questions.

I meant that they are question that could answered with the phrase "because I'm obese."

I agree, this is your wake up call @littlepinkbow2025. It’s heartbreaking.

My best friend’s mum was obese when we were kids, and my friend was really embarrassed especially as we got into our teens. She didn’t ever want us to go to her house and didn’t want her mum to collect her from parties or come to other events. Sadly, that suited her mum who’d rather sit on the sofa eating rubbish and getting bigger.

Her mum died of a heart attack when we were 20. It’s a shame she never tried. You have a chance to do something about it now.

Well, please dont repeat same patterns your mum did with you.

Honestly next time she brings it up can you say, ' I have got into some less than ideal food habits and I do want to be healthy, talking about it with you has made it clearer to me. My mum was overweight and I've followed the same pattern, but now I'm determined to break it.'

Then go on weight loss drugs and dont tell her. Let her see you eat healthy food with her and Dad, and watch you get stronger and healthier. It'd be a great lesson for her, and obvs great for you too.

Best of luck xx

Maybe I should get therapy. I mostly love my life. I have 2 amazing daughters and a wonderful husband. But I hate that I'm so overweight.

It seems fairly straightforward to answer to be honest.
Why are you that size and why don’t you eat the same things as us?
I’m this size predominantly because I choose to not eat healthily like you and your father.

That's an excellent plan.

21 stone? Of course you’re exhausted! Have you ever been able to run around with her at the park? Chase her? Give her a piggy back? You must be missing out on as much as she is, you’re carrying a couple of extra people around with you.

Is this about her questions or you wanting things to change? Are you happy as you are?

You need to choose to start eating as they do. And if this feels impossible then you need to get help.

You are sending very mixed messages to your DD - of course she is puzzled.

What is holding you back from dealing with this?

I needed to hear that.

Already, some kids have teased my daughter because I'm so overweight.

I do play with her. I am way sweatier and redder than the other moms. I get out-of-breath quicker.

I'm not happy with my body.

My advice would be to see this as a wake up call.

Yes, how you talk to children about food and weight can pass on issues, but the example you set comes with its own problems. These tricky conversations are only one of them.

I know it’s hard. But I hope you feel able to reach out for help and advice - both with the issues your mum passed on and how to get to a healthy weight. Maybe starting this thread could be the start for you? Some good advice on here already, and there are many supportive, non judgemental, weight loss threads on here.

Good luck.

As someone who has just changed my diet and lost weight to pretty much where I wish I’d been my entire life…nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. (It’s a quote from some film, and although I may not be ‘skinny’ now, this quote really speaks to me now when I’m tempted by the treats)

You’ve already done the hard part if you’re making their meals anyway. Do an entire junk ban, clear the cupboards - if it’s not there it removes the temptation. Just eat with them.
Also IMO your daughter seeing you eat badly and be your size vs how she/your husband eat is more likely to have any lasting damage than however you might answer the questions. Kids are like spies they watch our every move!

There is so much shame here. The way you are talking about yourself is part of the problem. You probably eat the way you do to suppress painful feelings - boredom, sadness, anger. Therapy plus weight loss drugs would help. In the meantime you can model self-compassion to your daughter:
“At the moment I’m eating in a way that isn’t good for me. I’m having a really big think about how to look after myself better.”

You deserve to be happy and healthy. You deserve to find better ways to cope.

It feels like a wake up call.

If it's not too personal, what weight did you start at and what weight are you now ?

There is a lot of shame. As a mom, a wife, and a woman. When I go out with my daughter I wonder if she's embarrassed by me. When I go out with my husband I wonder if he's embarrassed by me. I feel ugly and gross everyday.

That must be really hard for you Op, to be thinking about what others are thinking of you, rather than enjoying the present.

What do you plan to do about it? What are realistic steps that you could take to help yourself?

Some of these replies are unpleasant.

I'd tell her how proud you are of her for making healthy choices, that you are addicted to eating or your brain has been rewired by your unhealthy choices or any other simple explanation you think she can understand which doesn't imply you don't want to be a healthy weight. Tell her you hope to get well in the future.

Short, simple, honest.

Please don’t do this, tell a child your brain was rewired, that would terrify her. And don’t do any of the other suggestions, like blame your mum, as that will worry her she will be the same as you. Just own it , you make bad food choices, it’s made you unhealthy and fat and you need to make some changes to be like her and her father. That’s if you wish to make some changes. Because not liking your body is not the same as wanting to make the changes enough to actually make them.

and it’s hard, weight loss injections work very well, would you consider this if you can afford it. I know you said it was an excellent plan, but we have all been there, and again it’s hard to sometimes act.

That's so sad. My mum was overweight when I was a teen- it made no difference to how I felt about her and it wouldn't have occurred to me to be embarrassed. She was kind, funny, caring, and an overall great mum. I always had friends round and they really liked her too (she was a much cooler mum than I am turning out to be!).

OP, healthy eating and health are important. But so is raising a child that doesn't equate weight to worth. Tell her bodies come in all shapes and sizes and she only needs to worry about how healthy and strong she is- other people's bodies aren't something she needs to concern herself with.

You can work towards a healthier diet and lose weight without hating the body you are in now

But she is worried as her friends are talking about it. So silencing her isn’t the answer. And the op already hates hee body, that’s not going to change. Anyone who has been obese can tell you that.

honestly love, if not now, when? Use this as the motivation you need to make the change you know you have to make.

small step is to eat what your family eats and stick to that and see what happens

then see what else you can achieve

I know where you’re at right now, was there a year ago. I’m down 90lbs now and I can’t tell you the difference it’s made to me in every aspect of my life.

and I’m a lot older than you. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

you can do this!

The nothing tastes as good as skinny feels - I think - was Kate moss or one of the other supermodels of that era

You're not pathetic, it's not easy to eat healthily when we have been taught not to. It's more difficult than just choosing to eat healthy foods. For a lot of overweight people there are psychological factors at play. If it was easy there wouldn't be so many big people. Be kind to yourself