Dsd(12) hit me

[kewpiedoes]

DSD (12) is here full time so I’ve posted in parenting rather than step parenting.

Our relationship has always been really good, she’s a lovely girl and has never had behaviour problems or trouble in school. Since starting puberty and secondary school she has been more moody and difficult though.

Dh is away on a work trip, which isn’t unusual but she’s maybe been extra sulky since school finished / he went away.

She was into town with friends today, just put her headphones on in the car on the way there and back and refused to look or talk to me. Got home and I asked her if she had a nice time, what she wanted for dinner, what was wrong etc which she kept ignoring and then she completely lost it. Screamed and chucked a statue we have smashing it and as I went towards her grabbed me and started scratching and hitting me, kept going harder so I had to physically stop her, push her into the hall and then lock the door on her.

I have two little dc who my I got my sister to come and collect (though I don’t believe she would have hurt them) and she’s now in her room crying, I attempted to knock and she screamed at me to leave her alone.

Can this still be within normal behaviour at her age? How do I handle this?
I haven’t yet spoken to dh and although he would want to come home it would be difficult for him and even so he’s 12+ hours away.

Police. She's over the age of criminal responsibility. She might attack you again and there are young children in the house.

Given that you usually have a good relationship, I would be worried about what's going on with her. Will she talk to you now if you try? Would she talk to her dad?

This is terrible advice!

You've done the right thing getting the little ones out of the house.
Definitely phone her dad and tell him.
I would leave her to calm down a bit .

I wouldn’t react with anger back! This little girl is going through something and she needs you to support and understand her the best you can. I would tell her that you are deeply saddened that she has lost her temper with you and that she has hurt you but that the main concern his her outburst. I would be saying this isn’t like you, Please tell me what is going on I want to help you I love you. I would be loving and supportive being a pre teen is super hard,hormonal and confusing! Not to mention the social media pressure and needing to look perfect. She may be being bullied. I really feel for her: I’m sure your a lovely step mum and will
do your best for her: sending best wishes 🌺

Wow, something's going on with her. That's a terrible experience for you.

Has she started her periods yet? Could it be something to do with that?

Do you have any friends who could come round to support you?

I definitely can’t do that.

I would guess something had happened while she's been in town, especially as it's far outside her normal behaviour, even with the new teenager sulkiness.

I’m guessing a combination of illicit alcohol and unusual nastiness from her friends.

Stay calm.

Hope she comes to her senses soon and can eventually tell you what’s going on.

You don't need to. She's a child and something is obviously seriously troubling her. She may not want to talk to you now because she feels ashamed of what she's done, but you need to get to the bottom of what's going on for her.

Can you let her know that you're not angry but worried about her, and see if she is willing to talk. You could try a text message if she won't actually talk to you straight up.

What happened today in town?

Poor you and poor girl! Obviously she can't be hitting you and that has to be a very clear bottom line. But I also think you need to try to understand from her what is going on. I have 2 theories:

1. Her hormones are all over the place and she is not coping with it.

1. She is being bullied, exploited, or harmed outside of the home and she doesn't know how to cope with it.

Either way, there's a little girl who is not coping and needs the adults around her to try to understand what is happening for her.

I think when she calms down, go and speak to her and say that this behaviour was really unlike her and you'd like to check what is going on for her. I wouldn't respond with anger just curiosity.

Given she is normally nice then I would say something must have happened.
Maybe she has fell out with her friends or someone said or did something.
Also I have a few teenage girls and a certain amount of moodiness is definitely normal .

Police, and call the child's mother to come and collect her

I did shout at her and had to be rough to get her to stop hitting me but I’m not angry at her just shocked and concerned.

I did try and go up and calmly ask her what’s going on just after but she just screamed so I’m giving her some more time, I need to calm down a bit more as well too to be honest.
Dh normally phones around 8 my time so I’ll just wait for him to call.

She lives her full time, I can’t phone her mother to collect her.

Wtf

I agree with the others it is likely something serious has happened.

wait. Give her time.

she may have been mugged/assaulted or similar.

I’d call your husband straight away. Ask him what he thinks as she’s his daughter.

I think if this is out of character then something has happened and the most important thing is to try to help her feel safe. Tell her you’re not angry but worried, that you love her and you’re here for her to confide in. Tell her when dad will be home etc and explain that he is also there for her whatever has happened.

You need to wait this out.it could before before she's ready to talk. Leave her be. Put food outside the door. Wait for her to come to you. You could perhaps had ten the process by switching the WiFi off. This could also be useful if there is something going on online.

Obviously aside from the hitting her mood on the way back was no different than her mood this morning so I don’t think it’s purely down to something that happened while she was in town

Dh needs to come home now. He will deal with her when it hugely affects him. He will play it down if you don't..

I echo others in saying something has happened to make her act like this. It may not be something that’s happened today, but either online or before schools broke up. Give her space, time to cool down. Maybe leave a drink and some food at her door and speak to your dh before you try speak to her again. Remind her you’re not angry with her, you’re concerned and you’re there for her when she’s ready to talk.

You did the right thing in getting the little ones out of the house. They don’t need to witness that and your dsd needs time just now.

Get your DH home. This is serious and needs treating as so. If you play it down, she will carry on.

It might be that something has happened whilst out/on her phone or similar. But you need her parent here to deal with it. Otherwise there will be other complex emotions laid over the top of the problem.

How is she now?

Goodness me you are all so much better than I am. The first time she raised her hands to me would have been the first and last. She would have gotten a slap from me..how dare she carry on like that with you? Nothing she did to you could be justified in any way in my eyes.