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Original poster

Dsd(12) hit me

778 replies

kewpiedoes · 31/07/2025 18:35

DSD (12) is here full time so I’ve posted in parenting rather than step parenting.

Our relationship has always been really good, she’s a lovely girl and has never had behaviour problems or trouble in school. Since starting puberty and secondary school she has been more moody and difficult though.

Dh is away on a work trip, which isn’t unusual but she’s maybe been extra sulky since school finished / he went away.

She was into town with friends today, just put her headphones on in the car on the way there and back and refused to look or talk to me. Got home and I asked her if she had a nice time, what she wanted for dinner, what was wrong etc which she kept ignoring and then she completely lost it. Screamed and chucked a statue we have smashing it and as I went towards her grabbed me and started scratching and hitting me, kept going harder so I had to physically stop her, push her into the hall and then lock the door on her.

I have two little dc who my I got my sister to come and collect (though I don’t believe she would have hurt them) and she’s now in her room crying, I attempted to knock and she screamed at me to leave her alone.

Can this still be within normal behaviour at her age? How do I handle this?
I haven’t yet spoken to dh and although he would want to come home it would be difficult for him and even so he’s 12+ hours away.

OP posts:
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101Alsatians · 31/07/2025 19:13

rubicustellitall · 31/07/2025 19:10

Goodness me you are all so much better than I am. The first time she raised her hands to me would have been the first and last. She would have gotten a slap from me..how dare she carry on like that with you? Nothing she did to you could be justified in any way in my eyes.

Disgusting. Normal people don't slap children.

Devilsmommy · 31/07/2025 19:13

I wouldn't have made the little ones have to leave the house, she'd have been told to go somewhere else. I'm sorry but attacking you like that is completely out of order and being all softly softly is just going to make her think she can do it again and get away with it. I'd be calling her dad and making him deal with her straight away

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 19:14

rubicustellitall · 31/07/2025 19:10

Goodness me you are all so much better than I am. The first time she raised her hands to me would have been the first and last. She would have gotten a slap from me..how dare she carry on like that with you? Nothing she did to you could be justified in any way in my eyes.

How could you possibly tell a child not to hit you if you’ve also hit them? you lose any moral high ground or frankly your status as the most mature.

the fact that your are advocating hitting a child should leave you to reflect on your character.

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12 year olds Families
BertieBotts · 31/07/2025 19:15

The fact it's really out of character would have me really concerned something is wrong. Why are you waiting for DH to phone?? I would definitely call him first. Probably immediately or as soon as I had calmed down from the initial shock.

She is massively distressed and won't talk to you - why wouldn't you tell her dad ASAP? It's his choice whether he comes home or not but she might be willing to talk to him on the phone.

ducksinarow123 · 31/07/2025 19:20

Nope this is not normal at all.
i know you say she lives with you full time, does she not see her mother at all? Do you have parental responsibility for her? What about grandparents? If you do not have PR then I would have taken her to one of her blood relatives to stay until your dh comes back.

Endofyear · 31/07/2025 19:21

I would be concerned that she's either been drinking or taken something else if the violent behaviour is out of character. I think you should phone her dad and tell him he needs to come home now. Leave her in her room and if she is aggressive towards you again, is there another relative who can take her? Grandparents, aunts, uncles etc? I would perhaps ask another adult to stay with you if that's not possible, you shouldn't be alone with her.

Original poster
kewpiedoes · 31/07/2025 19:23

Devilsmommy · 31/07/2025 19:13

I wouldn't have made the little ones have to leave the house, she'd have been told to go somewhere else. I'm sorry but attacking you like that is completely out of order and being all softly softly is just going to make her think she can do it again and get away with it. I'd be calling her dad and making him deal with her straight away

They’re toddlers, they don’t understand and
are perfectly happy to have a sleepover with their auntie.
She’s 12, she has nowhere to go. Kicking and upset child onto the streets is not an option.

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 31/07/2025 19:25

Poor her and you. I also think something has happened today, her mood being ok on the way home doesn’t discount that, it could have been building up and she was holding it in. Is she in her room now? I’d give her some space now and then try and talk to her calmly, don’t go in chastising but concerned and trying to understand

Devilsmommy · 31/07/2025 19:26

kewpiedoes · 31/07/2025 19:23

They’re toddlers, they don’t understand and
are perfectly happy to have a sleepover with their auntie.
She’s 12, she has nowhere to go. Kicking and upset child onto the streets is not an option.

Show quote history

I didn't mean onto the streets but a family member or friends house.

neilyoungismyhero · 31/07/2025 19:26

Everyone is being so accepting of this behaviour it's making me cringe. She's a 12 year old girl being moody and rude and unpleasant in the car, there and back. Gets home refuses to engage in any conversation then attempts to beat the crap out of her step mother, screaming like a banshee who is forced to lock herself in a room and send her children away for safety. I get it's out of
Character but imo you're all being very complacent and passive about the violence especially the OP. If this was male to femail violence not sure you'd be so forgiving no matter the age. Dad needs to be told ASAP and come home and deal with the situation.

101Alsatians · 31/07/2025 19:28

Completely agree with you OP.

12 is still a child and anyone suggesting you push/kick her out is batshit IMO.

I hope you're both okay,or will be soon.

Loubylie · 31/07/2025 19:28

My friend's daughter became violent at this age. It was an extreme hormonal imbalance. A consultant put her on the pill and she got better. It could be something like that. Or it could be something traumatic in her life. You need to call her Dad and maybe make a GP appointment to get some expert help.

coxesorangepippin · 31/07/2025 19:31

I agree with Neil Young and the other poster above

How you're all so accepting and passive of this behavior I do not know

Catsandcannedbeans · 31/07/2025 19:32

Poor you! She does need a bollocking and consequences for hitting you, but I think that’s a job for after you’ve worked out what’s wrong. Something is obviously very wrong since you said she is normally good.

MarySueSaidBoo · 31/07/2025 19:34

Your DH needs to come home and help you deal with this.

My eldest hit me once, think she was 13 or 14. She felt the consequences of that by having her hobby removed for 3 weeks, no phone for the same period of time and she was grounded. And we had a full and frank conversation about the only level of acceptable violence in our home was none. She never did it again.

Muffinmam · 31/07/2025 19:36

kewpiedoes · 31/07/2025 18:44

I definitely can’t do that.

Show quote history

Why can’t you? You are concerned (given her behaviour) that she might have been assaulted. Call the police. Do it right now.

FMc208 · 31/07/2025 19:39

rubicustellitall · 31/07/2025 19:10

Goodness me you are all so much better than I am. The first time she raised her hands to me would have been the first and last. She would have gotten a slap from me..how dare she carry on like that with you? Nothing she did to you could be justified in any way in my eyes.

So you’d teach her not to hit by… hitting her?

Decent people don’t assault children. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Cherrytree86 · 31/07/2025 19:39

Those saying she was maybe mugged or something in town…ok but that doesn’t give her the right to assault her stepmother!

littlemisstrytoohard · 31/07/2025 19:41

IIf this behaviour is out of the blue then something has happened. It might not be much to you or I, but it’s major to her. Give her a little time. What’s her favourite dinner? Ice cream? Treat? Maybe put her dad on the phone at 8( pre warn him!!) show her she’s safe and you love her, hopefully she’ll tslk a little. She’s twelve, a child, love her unconditionally and talk

BeMellowAquaSquid · 31/07/2025 19:43

rubicustellitall · 31/07/2025 19:10

Goodness me you are all so much better than I am. The first time she raised her hands to me would have been the first and last. She would have gotten a slap from me..how dare she carry on like that with you? Nothing she did to you could be justified in any way in my eyes.

Irrespective of living arrangements if my daughters’ step mum ever laid a finger on any of them I’d beat the absolute living shit out of her. It’s not your place to punish, it’s your role to show understanding.

BernardButlersBra · 31/07/2025 19:46

Your husband better get back ASAP to deal with her. I personally would call the police but failing that her dad better deal with her. I wouldn't let this be swept under the carpet either or she will get further emboldened

MiloMinderbinder925 · 31/07/2025 19:47

Drugs? Could she have taken something with her friends?

CaptainFuture · 31/07/2025 19:47

BeMellowAquaSquid · 31/07/2025 19:43

Irrespective of living arrangements if my daughters’ step mum ever laid a finger on any of them I’d beat the absolute living shit out of her. It’s not your place to punish, it’s your role to show understanding.

Show quote history

@BeMellowAquaSquid you sound like a good example to your daughter.
Do you often beat the living shit out of people?, you'd be happy to face the legal consequences of GBH?

CaptainFuture · 31/07/2025 19:48

littlemisstrytoohard · 31/07/2025 19:41

IIf this behaviour is out of the blue then something has happened. It might not be much to you or I, but it’s major to her. Give her a little time. What’s her favourite dinner? Ice cream? Treat? Maybe put her dad on the phone at 8( pre warn him!!) show her she’s safe and you love her, hopefully she’ll tslk a little. She’s twelve, a child, love her unconditionally and talk

Sorry, favourite dinner, ice cream and treats as a response to violence?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/07/2025 19:49

Absolutely no one would be saying “poor boy” if it was OP’s step son rather than step daughter.

Call DH and tell him to come home immediately. Whatever the fuck gas promoted this revolting attack he needs to deal with it. You’ll need to have your kids back home tomorrow or the following day and you can’t have them under the same roof if she’s unpredictable and could lash out again. He needs to be the one sorting out what to do.