Dd is coming home from university tomorrow and I’m so excited but ds isn’t because

[AgileTealSnake]

My Dd has graduated from university a week ago she studied English and I am very proud of her .

Ds is 13 and isn’t happy that she is coming home tomorrow he has been shouting at me constantly because he has to go back to share with 11 year old brother.
as she is coming back tomorrow he said why can’t she share with him I need my own room still I told him it’s because she is older than both of them and she needs privacy.

he said so do I I don’t want to share with him he is weird and he used all my stuff last time he goes on my phone and goes through my messages!!!I am not sharing with him end of story he said.

He has no choice I am not having his little brother share with his big sister in her 20s .

No one is unreasonable really. I get that he wants his own room, but dd has a right to come home and of course she can't share a room with her 11 year old brother.
This is just the way it is and he will have to accept there's no choice about it. Eventually she will get a job and her own place.
It would only be unreasonable if he had to share and get room was kept empty waiting for her once she eventually moves out.

Surely you told him this was the deal when he got DD's room? That it was only until she needed it again?

yes i did tell that i gave it to him so he didnt have to share for a bit now he dose again his little brother dose like sharing with him though

13yo kids tend to moan about most things. They can be fairly self-centred so having to move back in with his annoying younger brother is of course going to irritate him and he won't put himself in his sisters shoes without guidance.

Just chat with him but try and see it from his perspective. I don't think there's another option but you can't expect him to be happy now he's become used to having his own space.

No chance of partitioning the shared room better with those bunk beds that divide a space or a temporary wall?
Is DD back for good?
No way they can have the lounge instead?

His little brother is super happy about it and he told his older brother how much fun there going to have just now and that had annoyed him even more. he hates his little brother he is so different to his little brother.

he told his little brother that it’s going to be bad and he isn’t happy about having to sleep back in bottom bunk in a bunk bed again that he used to bang his head on every morning because it’s not a really high bed as his little brother wanted to sleep on top bunk but it not be really high so I got a not to high bunk bed.

13 year old ds had a double bed in his own room but I have had to put her bed back in and get rid of his bed as it wouldn’t fit in his and his little brothers room .

Dd is back for a while until she saves up to get her own place .

I don't blame him really.

He's got used to having his own space for a few months at a time and now he is losing that. I'd be cross about it too.

Not that there is anything much you can do about it, but I do think you need to acknowledge his feelings.

Apart from anything else, tell the 11 year old not to go through his things and read his messages. He is plenty old enough to know better on that front.

His little brother said that they watch Minecraft on the tv again now and 13 years old ds hates watching it he can’t stand it they have a tv in there room and he never used to be able to watch it as his little brother watched Minecraft on it all time 11 year old ds said we can be Minecraft buddies and 13 year old ds is dreading it already

Dd is back for a while until she saves up to get her own place .

Well, that will take years.

So the bed was bought to suit the 11yo, and the 11yo has the tv even though his brother doesn't want it.

Does the 13yo get any consideration in the room?

Do you bollock the 11yo for going through his brothers things?

Probably but it is her home to she can stay as long as she likes

I can see his point if his younger brother doesn’t respect his privacy and takes over the tv. Could you have another tv and put them so they can be watched from each bunk bed with headphones? And make sure his brother leaves his stuff alone, an 11 year old is old enough to understand that. It sounds a bit like he feels he has to put up with whatever his siblings are happy with and whilst he needs to in terms of room sharing he is entitled to space and privacy from his younger brother.

I can’t offer much by way of solutions I’m afraid, other than previous suggestions of finding a way to divide the room - there are some clever solutions out there. Meanwhile you’re made out to be the bad guy in this when really you did the younger ones a favour by letting them have their own spaces for a while. If the youngest one is now 11 presumably they are about to move up to secondary and will currently seem a lot younger to the middle one than they will by the end of the Autumn term, ime they grow up quite a lot in their first term of secondary. So they will have to suck it up for now and hopefully things will settle down in the next few months. Your eldest is probably going to be resented for it for a while though unfortunately.

A bit different in my house, but DD1 has just graduated and moved back in, DD2 is home from uni for the Summer and her partner has practically moved in, at least 4/5 nights a week, which is not being reciprocated. I’m single and have got used to having my kitchen and living room to myself this year, but right now I’m having the full works shared student house experience - fridge, kitchen and bathroom invaders who think it’s ok to see just how much can be balanced in the wastebins and the kitchen sink (and the litter tray, now that I come to think about it) because someone else will give in first and deal with the mess (me, obviously😭). You all have my sympathy, it’s not easy.

I can do the tv thing and what a great idea when they shared before I brought 13 year old ds a ps5 when they first came out and 11 year old ds broke it the day after I will make sure he leaves 13 year old ds’s stuff alone he doesn’t sound comfortable about it as it is

You haven't mentioned a dh or dp in your posts. If its just you, is there somewhere else in the house you could sleep? You can get those beds that fold out of cabinets for living/ dining rooms. I donr think your dc are being unreasonable given their ages and personality clashes

Hmmm I see his point. She's an adult, she's finished uni. If she can't afford to rent, she needs to go into a shared house or go on your sofa.

A 13 year old boy who still needs to focus on school, is just becoming a teenager etc really needs his own space. And from his POV, his sister just gets the better treatment, even after she is not a child anymore, while he gets turfed out with his little brother.

I imagine the 13yo will be out of there as soon as he can. So only 3 years to go, sooner than DD can manage to move out.
The 13yo has got a shit deal, whichever way you look at it. Realistically, he wouldn't have a very close relationship with DD because of the age difference. May well be step siblings. He utterly dislikes his younger brother because he feels suffocated by him. And he doesn't feel like his own mother is listening to his wants or addressing his frustration in a positive practical way. He can only hang around until he is 16, then move out.
I wouldn't want to be in his position either.
You have 3 children, you must make it work for all of them. Long term. Either build an extension or move to a house with an additional bedroom.
Did you envisage the brothers would be sharing a room pass the age of 11? You must have known ages ago how difficult this is for the middle child.

If her room is bigger can she not have a single bed in the smaller room and the boys have a normal single bed each in the bigger room?

Or get a bunk that has a double on the bottom?

Oh bless you my ds is not ready for tomorrow at all his and his brothers room is so small and he hates the bunk bed they have but that’s the only thing that can fit are bunk beds and his little brother hates being to high up .

but doesn’t want bottom bunk 13 year old ds has never got to pick a bunk bed they have had his younger brother used to wee on him from top bunk in his sleep when his younger brother was 8 he used to wee himself every night until he was 8 and he wouldn’t sleep on bottom bunk .

This.

The two sharing need to have the biggest room, and work out a way to give each of them a little privacy.

It wouldn’t fit

It is hard for him and it has been for a long time he feels uncomfortable sharing with his little brother but I can’t afford to move dd saved up for her uni.