Dd is coming home from university tomorrow and I’m so excited but ds isn’t because

[AgileTealSnake]

My Dd has graduated from university a week ago she studied English and I am very proud of her .

Ds is 13 and isn’t happy that she is coming home tomorrow he has been shouting at me constantly because he has to go back to share with 11 year old brother.
as she is coming back tomorrow he said why can’t she share with him I need my own room still I told him it’s because she is older than both of them and she needs privacy.

he said so do I I don’t want to share with him he is weird and he used all my stuff last time he goes on my phone and goes through my messages!!!I am not sharing with him end of story he said.

He has no choice I am not having his little brother share with his big sister in her 20s .

I don’t blame your DS it sounds like everything is about your dd. It shouldnt matter if she has more stuff, you have squeezed 2 children into the smaller room to accommodate her and her things. I understand a girl needing her own room and 2 brothers sharing but it sounds like blatant favouritism that she gets the bigger room.

My oldest has her own room while her 2 sisters share, I don’t care how much stuff she has the other 2 get the bigger room, they are two people. I was the same growing up, I the only girl had the small room while my 2 brothers had the bigger room with more personal space.

your dd is an adult now, she needs to figure out her own belongings or are you going to keep everything of hers and her brothers suck it up coming after their sisters belongings. She’s moved out and both of you are expecting her to move back in like nothing has changed when actually a lot has. She should not take precedent over 2 growing boys

Your completely out of order op.

I know I am and I am ashamed of my self 13 year old ds hasn’t had the best childhood

Is this like a classic Victorian terrace house layout
if so
You say the living room is big. Is it a through room where two rooms have been knocked into one. If it is I’d put the original partition wall back and have it as a bedroom. Upstairs then can accommodate all the kids.

I’d say as dd isn’t going to be there as long as the boys and
as she has always had the biggest room this time round she gets the smallest room. Your 13 year old is going to resent this for a long time if it’s not sorted .

Ds is still up moaning at me and his little brother is trying to sleep

@PumpkinPieAlibi

but surely bots would know how to spell ' does '.

OP, I’m with you on this.

A frustrating part of British culture is how parents to pressure their kids to move out after university and refuse to let them return, as if they're being cast out of the family just for becoming adults and the parents no longer see their role as parents once their children graduate.

The only mistake you made was allowing your DS1 to believe that his sister's bedroom had been given to him while she was at university. He thinks the bedroom is his because it has been so far, and perhaps he didn’t understand or accept that once his sister returned home, the bedroom would revert to being hers.

I have to say, DS1's treatment of DS2 is terrible. This stage in life can be really challenging for sibling relationships, especially if a strong bond of partnership and friendship wasn't built earlier.

I think lots of conversation can make things better.

I don't have the answers, but I hope you find what you're looking for.

I am going to message you on here so we can talk more about it

Why don’t you put the boys in the bigger room and her in the smaller room? It’s so much fairer

Wouldn't AI know the difference between "does" and "dose?"

Jesus that poor child is gonna hate you and fuck off asap

Not if it's been taught to make mistakes

Don’t comment if you’re going to call me AI

When I came back from Uni during the holidays I had to sleep on the sofa bed in the living room. (My parents downsized house once I started uni so i lost my room and brother kept his). I did this for years!

If this is real and I’m dubious.
You’re expecting your middle child to accomodate everybody else’s needs and it’s incredibly unfair.

The two children sharing need to have the biggest room - I know you have said this will happen. Hopefully if it can hold a double bed you can fit in two single beds.

If your daughter has too many possessions to fit into a room you are currently expecting two children to stay and store all their possessions in, she needs to get rid of some of them.

Are you reading a different post to me @ThisTicklishFatball ?
The 13yo bangs his head getting out of a bunk bed too small for him, that was bought to accomodate the 11yo’s needs, was urinated on, and has his belongings broken by the 11yo and you think the 13yo’s treatment of the 11yo is terrible?

OP. I think you need a big talk with everyone and your daughter needs to move to the smaller room.

Then consider reducing the living room for you and your sons get their own rooms.

I think you are favouring your daughter. It’s not right! and your 13 yr old won’t forget that

He’s just objecting as he got used to having his own space. Totally understandable really
At one time I had 3 boys in one( large room.. They had ours) until attic conversion was finished
i put a sort of curtain on tracking tacked into the frame and a bed light clamped on the frame. New duvet set and made it more “ homely”
with my two 7,4 at the time I did both like this
” spice rack” for above from Ikea for books
Could you do something like this?

Well obviously either your dd needs to get rid of a lot of stuff and have the smallest room or you have the living room and not put your boyfriend before your kids.
You say you are a bad mum like you want sympathy but dont want to actually do anything sensible.

It really sounds like you need to delay your daughter coming home. Your 13 year old needs a bed that’s suitable for him. If your 11yo doesn’t like being high up he must sleep on the bottom. Your 11 year old must not touch the 13yo stuff. I can’t blame him for dreading her coming home- she’s got a choice, and he doesn’t…

All the judgment directed at OP seems completely ridiculous and unnecessary. Focus on offering advice and solutions for OP's concerns, or recommend seeking guidance from AI, which is much better equipped to handle such issues.

The younger one was weeing on the 13 year old but wouldn’t sleep on the bottom bunk?!!! He absolutely would have been sleeping on the bottom bunk.