WWYD? Miss daughters birthday for work? Honest opinions welcome!

[Jessthemess1]

Hi All

I am majorly torn and want honest opinions if I should miss my daughter's 5th birthday for a work trip.

For context I started a new career 2 years ago in events and it is the first job in my whole life I have ever enjoyed. Part of the job description is occasional international travel. The last two work trips I have missed completely or partially for various reasons. The next one is over my daughter's birthday, my husband is supportive and has encouraged me to go as we have a new CEO and I do not want to be perceived as always unable to commit to my role however, obviously I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of it.

Part of me thinks I should once again miss some of the trip to stay for her birthday then head out for the end of the event but this is supposed to be my area of the project and that feels wrong to my lovely colleagues then on the other hand if you asked my daughter when is your birthday she would simply say the month and not know the date so that makes me think shall we just celebrate before I leave or on my return as she will not know?

Just pure bad luck that the next trip after this one will be our company's biggest event and will be taking place over my husband's 40th birthday next year! 😢

Feel awful opinions or advice welcome.

When ours were little dh missed many birthdays due to work trips. Its not done them any harm (adults now) they understood it was for work.

Saying that dh is missing dd's birthday this weekend due to a work trip, she's guilting him in a gentle way he says it pays for her perks 😂

I’d go we generally have a birthday week in our house as it’s tricky to squeeze stuff in especially on a school day. Fab gift, experience thing before / afterward. Call on the day.

I'd go and not think anything of it. It's just a birthday.

If you need to go you'll have to and you'll work a way around it. I wouldn't choose to be away . Husbands 40th next year , I would happily plan the celebration around work plans so wouldn't be worrying about this now.

Go!
You've missed 2 trips, and are contemplating missing a third.
Your daughter will be fine.
DH is missing DS's birthday next week. We've done a party, and will celebrate again at the weekend when he's back. I've promised Takeaway pizza for tea... All is well.

I grew up with my parents skipping my birthday because it was inconveniently located near a bank holiday. They would take a parent’s only holiday every year.

I have a massive chip on my shoulder about birthdates being important as an adult.

I would go on your work trip. It’s not a pleasure trip. Missing a birthday for work is entirely different.

the fun part is that you can bring back a special birthday souvenir.

I personally would never miss my dc’s birthdays. It is the kind of thing she may remember. I would make sure I was there for all future trips though.

I agree, work can’t be helped and you can celebrate another day. I’m sorry your own parents were so selfish though @Ponderingwindow.

I ‘rearranged’ DC’s birthday when he was the same age as it fell on a really inconvenient day. We just celebrated a couple of days later. He was none the wiser! We let GP know in advance of our plans too.

Oh I would find it hard to miss a 5th birthday. I’d weigh up how important the trip was. This one sounds important. You can always face time on the day.

I would go and just do her birthday on another day.

I think you’ve got to go, it’s not really a choice as it’s a work requirement. I do feel for you and your DD though as mine would have been really sad if I had missed her 5th birthday. Maybe she could have a friend or two round after school on the day instead.

Just to be clear, I would not have the rest of the family ignore the birthday on the actual birthday. Do whatever small celebration you would do if the birthday falls on a busy day. The big celebration can be while you are in home.

I know my own family isn’t the best example because we are ND, but no 5yo in our family would not recognize the actual date.

I'd go although I'd feel guilty. But at her ages if she's secure in your relationship and not starved for time with you, she'll probably be more excited about cake and presents than quality time with her parents. She can get that any day.

I wouldn’t miss my daughter’s birthday for a work trip.
If you’re going to go, don’t lie about her actual birthday, if she’s in school, chances are the teacher will know and mention it (we did in Reception when I worked in that class). Just celebrate twice.

You are setting a norm for your child here, and given the demands of your job, it would probably be helpful for her to realise now that although her birthday is HUGELY important, the celebrations take place at a time when all her loved ones can be there. If you set this as a standard now, she will just accept it as normal and it won’t upset her through the years.

She's 5. I'd just have her party for when you're back. Birthdays are important but providing for your children is more important.

These responses are really surprising. I wouldn't miss my child's 5th birthday for a work trip. It's work, your daughter will only turn 5 once, a birthday is a huge deal to a five year old.

Go on the trip. Have your daughter's birthday before or after. If some travel is in your role and you have a kid, you save not being able to go on work trips for when they coincide with hubby's work trips, or you kids having their tonsils out... not for birthdays which can be celebrated before or after.

I’d never miss my child’s birthday, my soon to be 5 year old would be heartbroken but it depends on the child

I would go too, your DH will be around on the actual day and you can do a celebration/party either before you go or when you’re back.

I would definitely go, and make it up to her when you’re back. Agree it will look bad if you are missing multiple work trips for these kinds of reasons and in the long term your daughter won’t remember whether or not you were there for the actual day.

Your daughter has many birthdays ahead of her. Your job requires you to go away internationally, and you've missed two previous trips. As this trip is your area, it would look very poor on your part, if you miss this trip, especially as you missed previous ones. Honestly, it's a no brainer, you go. You're not going to be looked at in my very good light by your colleagues if you don't. You plan a birthday treat for your daughter, before you go away. Is her birthday on a school day or at the weekend? If it's on a school day, then she'll be at school anyway.

I would go. Make a massive fuss of her before you go, agree a plan with how you’ll celebrate when she’s home, and make sure you speak to her on the day.

Why not?