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Original poster

WWYD? Miss daughters birthday for work? Honest opinions welcome!

82 replies

Jessthemess1 · 08/05/2025 10:01

Hi All

I am majorly torn and want honest opinions if I should miss my daughter's 5th birthday for a work trip.

For context I started a new career 2 years ago in events and it is the first job in my whole life I have ever enjoyed. Part of the job description is occasional international travel. The last two work trips I have missed completely or partially for various reasons. The next one is over my daughter's birthday, my husband is supportive and has encouraged me to go as we have a new CEO and I do not want to be perceived as always unable to commit to my role however, obviously I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of it.

Part of me thinks I should once again miss some of the trip to stay for her birthday then head out for the end of the event but this is supposed to be my area of the project and that feels wrong to my lovely colleagues then on the other hand if you asked my daughter when is your birthday she would simply say the month and not know the date so that makes me think shall we just celebrate before I leave or on my return as she will not know?

Just pure bad luck that the next trip after this one will be our company's biggest event and will be taking place over my husband's 40th birthday next year! 😢

Feel awful opinions or advice welcome.

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JoyousEagle · 08/05/2025 10:02

I would go. To be honest it wouldn’t really occur to me to not. Do her birthday at the weekend instead?

Hoppinggreen · 08/05/2025 10:05

I think you should go

MrsAvocet · 08/05/2025 10:09

I'd go.
Lots of children have their main birthday celebrations on a different day to the actual birth date anyway. As long as you do something before or afterwards it will be fine. You can bring something nice for her back from your trip too.

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BendingSpoons · 08/05/2025 10:10

We have always had a 'school day birthday' and a 'proper' celebration, usually on the nearest weekend, but flexible if needed. If your DH is on board and can spoil her on the day, you can then plan something lovely for before or after.

JudgeyJudie · 08/05/2025 10:13

Go on the trip. Your DD will be fine with Dad, and it builds resilience at an early age

JuvenileBigfoot · 08/05/2025 10:13

My parents worked opposite shifts when I was little for childcare, so one of them was almost always at work on mine or my sister's birthdays. I can honestly say that as an adult I can't even remember any of my birthdays, let alone which parent was missing. I certainly don't remember being upset though, I had a happy childhood.
Go. She'll be fine.

SlipperyLizard · 08/05/2025 10:16

I can’t remember why (possibly for a similar reason, one of us couldn’t be there) but we once “adjusted” DD’s birthday in this way. I’d go to the event and celebrate another day with her, she’s too young to twig.

RomainingCalm · 08/05/2025 10:17

Yes, go on the trip. You can still celebrate with your daughter before and after and it sounds as if your DH is also on board.

It sounds like a great job with career opportunities and also something you enjoy - don't risk it for one day.

Growlybear83 · 08/05/2025 10:18

Birthdays are incredibly important to five year olds, and i can’t think of anything that would have kept me from being with my daughter on her actual birthday.

Hdpr · 08/05/2025 10:18

She’s five not 15. She will be spoilt by dad on the day and you will celebrate at the weekend.
you're right that you don’t want to always be seen to be pulling out of work trips!

Original poster
Jessthemess1 · 08/05/2025 10:19

Thank you all! You have given me a lot more reassurance. I know she will be fine without me and we have a great support system in family so she most likely will not even miss me! Always worse for the parents, isn't it? Thanks again ❤️

OP posts:
mindutopia · 08/05/2025 10:24

Go on the trip. She can have a little tea with dad (and anyone else?) on the day and a bigger party when you return. It makes it like a birthday week. And she gets a fuss made over her multiple times.

Lindtnotlint · 08/05/2025 10:25

I would 100% go too. Have a nice party for her on a day you can make. Job done. Do NOT feel guilty once you decide (actually either day), that is a waste of time and energy. Part of being a working parent is you can’t have “everything” either at home or work, but you can have lots of great stuff at both.

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2025 10:28

By the sounds of things you have to go. You have missed or partially missed the last two trips.

Celebrate before or afterwards. Your dh can spoil her and you can bring her back a suprise.

Apksbdv · 08/05/2025 10:30

I’d “adjust” the day of her birthday to before you go and make sure everyone around you is aware of it so doesn’t put their foot in it

Hotfeetcoldfeet · 08/05/2025 10:36

celebrate her birthday on a different day and go on the trip. Win win.

Blackdow · 08/05/2025 10:37

You can’t keep missing work trips. It’s part of your job. What were the other reasons? Important or “my kid has a sports day?”

Celebrate on a different day and go.

TheNightingalesStarling · 08/05/2025 10:40

DH has missed the majority of DDs birthdays for work trips (including DD2s actual birth). DDs have understood this from a young age (when they were toddlers we moved their birthdays) and they were happy with having two birthdays... their actual birthday and Family birthday. Especially if it meant extra birthday cake!

BendingSpoons · 08/05/2025 11:26

Apksbdv · 08/05/2025 10:30

I’d “adjust” the day of her birthday to before you go and make sure everyone around you is aware of it so doesn’t put their foot in it

If she is turning 5, she is likely at school (if it's a weekday) and I would expect them to sing Happy Birthday to her. I think it's too much of a risk and better to go down the 'double birthday' route.

On DDs last birthday, DH was at work (home for an hour before bed) and DS had a club. DD very much enjoyed wearing a badge to school, going for ice cream and having a nice dinner. She then enjoyed her special day at the weekend with the 4 of us plus extended family.

MrsAvocet · 08/05/2025 13:48

Yes, I agree with BendingSpoons. I wouldn't lie about the date, both because there's the potential for it to go wrong and cause confusion and also because I think it makes it into a bigger deal than it really is. I'd play it along the lines of "It's your birthday on Wednesday and Daddy will take you to the park/make your favourite dinner/whatever that day. I will be away but will video call in the evening and then we're going to have your party on Saturday when I'm back".
In reality this is what happens for lots of children even if their parents are not away on their birthdays. Work, school and after school activities can all make it difficult to have the main celebration on the actual day so many children are used to having their "big" day on a date other than the birthday. I'd just be matter of fact about it. Trying to disguise what's happening makes it seem like you are doing something bad, and honestly, you're not.

Knittedfairies2 · 08/05/2025 13:54

Go on the trip, and have another celebration when you get home; what 5 year old wouldn't want two parties?

Beachwaves127 · 08/05/2025 17:25

I personally wouldn’t go but that’s just me x

Panamacatinahat · 08/05/2025 17:27

As a Police Officer I missed birthdays, Christmas on occasions, special mention assemblies, school plays, parents evenings. It was tough but there wasn’t much I could do about it. I would go on the trip and celebrate the birthday on another day.

Icexream · 08/05/2025 17:31

I was way with work for my DS2's 5th birthday. He doesn't know that though, we just moved it to the weekend and let him believe that the day of the party was his actual birthday.

Paypaypay · 08/05/2025 17:34

You can't go! It's not a necessity! It's your daughter's birthday! I would get it if it was impossible to get out of or would have a direct impact on your imminent quality of life (eg not being able to pay for food shop) I'm really surprised by the comments so far!