How to talk to my 16 year old and 13 year old daughters about how they smell ?

[LosAngelesMom]

I have two daughters, one 16 and one 13.
The 16 year old, has a really strong sweaty body odor. She does wear deodorant but it's not enough aware. By midday she smells.

My 13 year old isn't as bad, yet. Her deodorant can survive until the end of a school day.

The 16 year old's smell was at the same level as the 13 year old, when she was 13 years herself back then. So I need to warn the 13 year old about her possible future.

I want to be able to talk to them without creating some kind of complex. I am a fellow stinky girl who sweats a lot. I get so self-conscious and insecure about it. I don't want them to feel the way I do now.

Any tips ?

Are they actively washing themselves in the shower or just standing under the water? They need a good scrub and then antiperspirant - as they are puberty age, they probably sweat a lot and once it dries it goes stale very quickly. Antiperspirant should help - I've never been able to get away with just deodorant.

I was your daughters when I was a teen. I still have BO issues now. I use Driclor every other night. Be aware it can stain and make clothing holey- so maybe only use old Tahirts or PJs that you don’t mind getting ruined.

Driclor changed my life - I wholeheartedly recommend it. Except on a day when you shave your pits. It can irritate you and make you itch. So shave one day then use driclor the next day.

My DS has the same issues and uses driclor. He bathes often but no matter how little he does or how cold the weather is, he always smells of BO. As soon as I noticed it was a regular thing I introduced him to driclor cos I didn’t want him to be subject to the same sort of bullying I was at school.

You can buy driclor in the chemist or the GP can issue it on prescription if you were to see them.

Good Luck!

It is best you have the conversation than a mean child at school. DSD is sometimes (as in not daily) a bit sweaty etc. we’ve found buying loads of body sprays and double deoderant ie a cream / roll on one plus a spray helps. Also I’ve found washing clothes on a much much longer wash cycle has been really helpful ie school clothes on a warm 2 hour wash. Gets out anything lingering.

They need a good antiperspirant not deodorant.

it’s a phase as they’re hormones play up. They will settle down.

A hot bath opens the pores a lot better than a shower. Definitely antibacterial soap, my teens use Cidal soap from Savers and Mitchum antiperspirant deodorant, they have a standard roll on and a more advanced stick. I am also convinced my teens shower with arms firmly down sometimes 🤣 as they can still be sweaty afterwards. One wears PJ's and forgets they need changing too. You just have to be blunt and tell them, say it's much better your mum tells you than you lose your friends, and floss as well while you're at it.

I used to say to my sweaty DD, better I tell you than someone else does.

You absolutely need to tell them. I think it is unfair not to, we obviously don't want to hurt their feelings or be unkind but they are young adults that will soon be in the workplace and there's nothing worse than sitting next to someone with BO, there's also nothing worse than not being told you smell bÿ a colleague etc am surprised no-one at school has said anything although even if they haven't it will be impacting them in one way or another like people choosing not to be with them or saying they smell without telling them. There are lots of products to manage sweat now it's about finding what works for you. I know you said you have a maid but get one of there school shirts and run a steam iron over the armpits and you will be able to tell. If the armpits of shirts smell after ironing even though it seems to disappear, as soon as they get warm in school the smell in the shirt will come back to life even with laundry sanitiser and anti perspiration etc start with new shirts otherwise it will be impossible to tell which products are working.
Parenting teenagers is tough and this is just one of the many conversations that just has to be had. There are so many things that are hard for teenagers that as parents we can't do anything about but this is just accepting the problem and however unfair it is that some people have it more than others and figuring how best to sort it.
BO is the smell given off by the waste that bacteria that feed off sweat leave behin̈d not the sweat itself. Sweaty hands and faces don't smell as they are exposed to the air and aren't dark and moist so bacteria dont thrive. Buy a selection of products, some new shirts and have a chat.
They will thank you

Don’t approach this from the smell angle @LosAngelesMom do it from the ‘this is how you get clean when you wash’. There’s some great TikTok’s that might appeal to your daughters, with women describing in detail about how to get really clean with antibacterial soap and using some sort of gentle abrasive like a loofah, African net or similar cloth. Once out of the shower getting properly dry is important and then applying a good quality antiperspirant like Mitchum. If anyone has a tendency to stink a bit, this routine needs to be followed at least once a day, and fresh clothes need to be worn. Sometimes, food or allergies or intolerances can make our sweat more pungent, high sugar especially or wheat. As others have said, it’s really important to get the bacteria out of armpits in clothes.

That was my childhood. My mum was in denial and did not talk to me / help me out.
Your girls need the strongest anti perspirant money can buy. Deodorant doesn’t work. It doesn’t stop the sweating, which is the problem.
Mitchum 48 hour roll-on is the best I’ve found. Unscented is invisible so you don’t walk around smelling like a talcum powder factory or similar.

My son gets super sweaty and I have tried many clothes washing tactics. What I’ve found is that before putting T-shirts in the washing machine, spray the underarm areas with a 50/50 white vinegar/water solution… it works so much better than dettol wash and it’s a lot cheaper!

They need antiperspirant. Mitchum is good.

And then they can use whatever perfume / scent they want otherwise to smell lovely / attractive / whatever

Agree with this. I think there are lots of hormones in cows milk. DD oder and acne improved after this.

I speak to my daughter directly if they smell; if you don’t as a mum then others will and is more embarrassing.

lots of smelly teens in school though according to my daughters; not sure why their parents don’t tell them

It's neglectful not to address this with your dds. I put my dds on to using much stronger anti perspirant. Sure maximum is good.
Being bullied for having bo will give them a complex!

I can only use Bionsen antip as every other on the ,UK prokes an allergic reaction.

Remembering my teen DC having a habit of not bathing. I then bought Lynx antip and body spray. He would I swear use 1/3 of a can to school

It's scent was like an environmental agent, and not a good one.

How about,

Hi girls I've bought you some new deodorant to try, it was recommended by xxx/mumsnet. I'm trying it too bc one of us has stinky pits and I want to see what helps?

Personally recommend Mitcham roll on, nothing else worked, and yes I wash properly, antibacterial wash, clothes are fine etc.
Occasionally I forget to.put it on, but I soon remember!

May be worth a trip to the GP. Could be hormonal which is really hard for them, bless them.

How much actual washing are they doing when they get in the shower or bath? I discovered the hard way that if I've been to the gym and have a shower, I need to soap my armpits twice (with shower gel, to be fair, as it's easier to carry around than soap) else I get sweat rash. If your daughters are just standing under the shower for five minutes, that ain't gonna do it.

Hi, a brilliant TikTok came up for me on the “Everything Shower” in a heatwave this week. One of the tips/steps was antibacterial soap, but the other steps were more pampering. If your girls use TikTok, maybe you could nudge them in that direction?

Perhaps it's what they eat. Or that they shower too much? I'm one of those people that can have a shower before bed, but still stink by 10am, unless I have a shower in the morning too. I use soap, flannel, wash and scrub. Doesn't make a jot of difference whether it's shower gel, dettol, or I stand in a car wash. There's suggestion that sometimes washing actually aggravates matters.

I used to be a terrible sweaty person. I discovered driclor (boots stock it) you put it on at night, wash it off in the morning, every night for 2 weeks. It's remarkable. I also switched to fussy deodorant and honestly, I'm no where near as sweaty or smelly. I would absolutely recommend.

And freshly laundered clothes every day - everything: underwear, socks/tights trousers shirts/tops.

""Straight, and Soon...."

Nivea stress protect roll on is a game changer.

and my top tips are: always apply straight out of the shower, even if you’re only going to bed. It’s far easier to stay on top of BO if you never smell in the first place.
Otherwise you’re also battling to make sure the smell is washed away in the shower and battling to wash it out of your clothes

this also means you never apply it to smelly or dirty armpits which keeps it fresh

that alone has been enough to stop me experiencing BO for several years

in terms of how to discuss it … I would try to do it in a way that doesn’t seem personal to them. Maybe saying you want to share this new amazing deodorant you have found or some new tips you’ve heard that you’re going to use to make sure you never smell. Or that you’re embarrassed because someone has told you you smell? And you want to share what you’re doing about it? Basically some way to get the info across without making them personally embarrassed or defensive