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Original poster

Another parent angrily speaks to my child in playground

257 replies

TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 00:45

There's a new playground beside my kids school. In my opinion it is really badly laid out and part of it is fenced off from the other part, and you can't see through the fence, and due to this is very hard to completely fully watch the children. I was watching my 2 year old and when I looked up another mother was losing the plot with my older child age 7. The fence was in the way of my view. She claimed he had deliberately knocked down her child. I didn't see due to the angle, maybe he did...it would be uncharacteristic of him to have done it on purpose but I suppose possible. I took her word for it and apologised and checked that her child was ok. He was. When I turned around my child had vanished. He had run out of the playground and was hiding in some bushes trembling and shaking. I eventually got him back to the car and he curled up on the floor of it continuing to cry. A friend helped me persuade him to go back to the playground for a little bit so that he wouldn't be afraid to return the next time. He was very upset for the rest of the day and still subdued at bedtime. This woman is a parent at my children's school. I am wondering if I should speak to her and tell her the consequence of her actions as it seemed like a massive overreaction. My son was unable to tell me what she said but I think it must have been very strong as he is usually fairly thick skinned. She is part of an unfriendly clique of mums and I am afraid her reaction to him was something to do with nasty gossip between them. They are very social climber-esque and I am not good enough for them and I feel because of that it was acceptable to her to behave like that towards my child. Honestly in all the years in outdoor settings and playgrounds including during the pandemic I have never seen a parent going off on someone else's child like that. I am afraid of it happening again and we have to wait in that playground a lot as my oldest is collected from school at a later time to my 7 year old. I feel a bit powerless because it was a complete overreaction and also I have bitten my own lip so many times when bad behaviour has been directed towards my own children...the most I would ever say is 'no throwing', 'take turns' etc.

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Lavender14 · 04/04/2025 00:54

I think this is a hard one op because you didn't see what actually happened. I don't think there's ever an excuse to shout like that at any child unless there's an immediate risk of danger so I don't think she's unreasonable for defending her child but she's gone at it too heavy handed and that was unreasonable.

To be honest, I'm not sure what approaching her about it now would achieve given that you say she is generally quite unpleasant. I'd give her a wide berth from now on and keep your kids in the same section of the park so they can both be seen at the same time. If it ever happened again though I'd be ready for her.

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/04/2025 01:01

Your 7 year old is too young to be in the playground by himself. He needs to stay near you or you need to stay near him. The woman sounds utterly horrible but it could have been someone violent or a stray dog or any predator really. Your ds is shaken because he wasn’t ready to face those things alone.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 01:34

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/04/2025 01:01

Your 7 year old is too young to be in the playground by himself. He needs to stay near you or you need to stay near him. The woman sounds utterly horrible but it could have been someone violent or a stray dog or any predator really. Your ds is shaken because he wasn’t ready to face those things alone.

It's a very small playground but for some reason the layout has this stupid fence between two parts. Very quick and easy to get between them and hard to stop kids doing so. The fence blocked my view. In fact when it happened she also couldn't have seen properly but she got over there first

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Ohthatsabitshit · 04/04/2025 01:45

Well then you need to ensure your child IS where you can see him and where others can’t get to him first.

nwsw · 04/04/2025 01:47

Why didn't you ask your child what happened before apologising?

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 02:05

nwsw · 04/04/2025 01:47

Why didn't you ask your child what happened before apologising?

He still hasn't been able to tell me

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TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 02:07

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/04/2025 01:45

Well then you need to ensure your child IS where you can see him and where others can’t get to him first.

Right explain that in detail when you have two children, one being a toddler. Of course it's all my fault. Totally acceptable for posh highly strung women to self righteously go around laying into other people's children...they're fair game if they aren't exactly 2 feet from their mothers all times.

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Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 02:11

Lavender14 · 04/04/2025 00:54

I think this is a hard one op because you didn't see what actually happened. I don't think there's ever an excuse to shout like that at any child unless there's an immediate risk of danger so I don't think she's unreasonable for defending her child but she's gone at it too heavy handed and that was unreasonable.

To be honest, I'm not sure what approaching her about it now would achieve given that you say she is generally quite unpleasant. I'd give her a wide berth from now on and keep your kids in the same section of the park so they can both be seen at the same time. If it ever happened again though I'd be ready for her.

I'm scared her or one of her clique will do it again. Some of her clique friends kids are in his class. Worried also that she will use it as an excuse to spread nasty gossip about me or him.

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ThisUniqueDreamer · 04/04/2025 02:14

All of this is so dramatic. Shouting from her crying and shaking from your child to the extent he cant Speak, you worried about her spreading nasty gossip

Is everything usually this high drama

Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 04/04/2025 02:15

TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 02:05

He still hasn't been able to tell me

Show quote history

So then why did you apologise without knowing the full facts?

A few month ago my daughter was playing on our street and the man across the road started shouting at her. I was on the toilet st the time, when I came down my friend had already gone out to see what was going on.

I immediately went over and spoke to my daughter and asked what was going on. I didn't even look at the man, asked her if she was okay and what had happened.

Turn out his daughter had been being shit to my daughter and my daughter had gone to her house to try and tell her parents, the daughter ran ahead and started making stuff up.

The dad very swiftly apologised when his daughter looked shame faced.

I would absolutely not apologise to another parent without getting the full facts first

When I went out my little girl was on the verge of tears with an adult man shouting at her, if I'd of spoken to him and got his version before DD's she wouldn't of felt able to tell me what actually happened, no little kid is gonna start arguing with an adult

You shouldn't of apologised without finding out what actually happened

If your not comfortable having what is deemed a confrontation then you need to make sure he's with you at all times, 7 is old enough to understand to stay with mum.

Unfortunately, this is a harsh lesson he's learnt to stay where you can see him

justmeandmyselfandi · 04/04/2025 02:16

Why would she blame your child of they didn't do it? The issue is there are too many people who have badly behaved children with parents who don't parent and so people are fed up. I used to let these things go too, and now I don't and I will say something to the child. You didn't see what happened and maybe your child did deserve to be told off, it seems an overreaction on everybody's part, just let it go

Lavender14 · 04/04/2025 02:21

I think, gently, you're letting the idea of this 'clique' affect you more than it should. You're not in high school even if they act like they are and if you are seeing this about them you probably aren't the only one noticing! If their kids exclude or bully your kid then you address that for what it is, if they talk about you - so what - their opinions really don't matter they are not your kind of people anyway. And if the only gossip that they have is that your child pushed theirs then most parents will have been through a pushing/ hitting/ biting stage with their own kids and anyone sensible will think they're being ridiculous. I think you're getting ahead of yourself with those worries. It could also be as simple as she's had a really bad day and over reacted and is now a bit embarrassed herself without you even knowing.

There's learning in this for all of you, for your ds to stick a little closer and for you to address your child first for the facts and hopefully for that mum to react differently in future. I think there's room for a further conversation with your ds about staying close by and you asking him what happened first and then give it a 5 minute funeral and move on. There's no need to dwell on things that haven't even happened yet.

nwsw · 04/04/2025 02:32

Ok. Well maybe that's because immediately you checked on the other child and apologised.

I would have gone to my child. Cuddled them. Asked them what happened. If they felt you had their back they'd probably say. By your own admission you don't think it sounded like something your child would do.

I'd then check on the other child. Listen to the other parent. Say you didn't see but glad their child is ok. If you felt necessary apologise if it did happen the way their child suggested but tell them that their tone etc is not appropriate and has scared your son.

Now that is obviously too late. So you will just have to focus on your own child well being. Lots of cuddles, encouragement to talk about it. Apologise to him for not checking in. Ask him what happened.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:00

ThisUniqueDreamer · 04/04/2025 02:14

All of this is so dramatic. Shouting from her crying and shaking from your child to the extent he cant Speak, you worried about her spreading nasty gossip

Is everything usually this high drama

As I said. I've never in ten years of being in playgrounds even all the way through the pandemic seen anything like this. So no...I have never experienced this high drama before. Hence the post. If you'd read my post properly you'd understand this. Clearly you just came on to be nasty.

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Pinky1256 · 04/04/2025 03:03

I would talk to the mother who yelled at my child and tell her to never speak to my child direct again without me being present. Who cares if they are elite? You have to protect your child, you apologised, she will feel entitled to do it again should she have the opportunity.

The words must have been very harsh if your child was very withdrawn. I wouldn't allow any stranger scold my child, they should tell me and I would discuss it with my child.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:03

Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 04/04/2025 02:15

So then why did you apologise without knowing the full facts?

A few month ago my daughter was playing on our street and the man across the road started shouting at her. I was on the toilet st the time, when I came down my friend had already gone out to see what was going on.

I immediately went over and spoke to my daughter and asked what was going on. I didn't even look at the man, asked her if she was okay and what had happened.

Turn out his daughter had been being shit to my daughter and my daughter had gone to her house to try and tell her parents, the daughter ran ahead and started making stuff up.

The dad very swiftly apologised when his daughter looked shame faced.

I would absolutely not apologise to another parent without getting the full facts first

When I went out my little girl was on the verge of tears with an adult man shouting at her, if I'd of spoken to him and got his version before DD's she wouldn't of felt able to tell me what actually happened, no little kid is gonna start arguing with an adult

You shouldn't of apologised without finding out what actually happened

If your not comfortable having what is deemed a confrontation then you need to make sure he's with you at all times, 7 is old enough to understand to stay with mum.

Unfortunately, this is a harsh lesson he's learnt to stay where you can see him

Show quote history

Great you're lucky that you have a child who can articulate things. I'll never be able to get the full facts from my son. He just can't do it when it's something that scared him. As I keep saying it's a very small but badly laid out playground. He wasn't far from me, just my view was blocked.

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TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:04

Pinky1256 · 04/04/2025 03:03

I would talk to the mother who yelled at my child and tell her to never speak to my child direct again without me being present. Who cares if they are elite? You have to protect your child, you apologised, she will feel entitled to do it again should she have the opportunity.

The words must have been very harsh if your child was very withdrawn. I wouldn't allow any stranger scold my child, they should tell me and I would discuss it with my child.

This is what I feel. He was extremely subdued and I've never seen a parent do this in ten years of being in playgrounds and outdoor spaces.

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OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:07

@TheBrightBearYes I absolutely would approach her. Why should she have zero accountability for intimidating and frightening a child? If it was the other way around, you’d be punishing your DS.
Stand Up for your son! Ignore the contrary types on this thread, bending themselves every which way they can to find a way to blame you. They’re on every thread.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:10

justmeandmyselfandi · 04/04/2025 02:16

Why would she blame your child of they didn't do it? The issue is there are too many people who have badly behaved children with parents who don't parent and so people are fed up. I used to let these things go too, and now I don't and I will say something to the child. You didn't see what happened and maybe your child did deserve to be told off, it seems an overreaction on everybody's part, just let it go

I'm fed up. Correct, there are lots of people with badly behaved children. My son has been teased and tormented by two of them outside school in this park all year. They chase him, name call and throw sticks at him and their parents never tell them off. I tell them to stop but not in the way that mother behaved. I say 'no throwing', 'time to put the sticks down', 'no name calling ' etc. I don't absolutely terrify them. I'm also aware they'll probably improve as they get older....we are all going to be standing at this school gate for a long time so it's not worth having a heated conversation with those mothers. My son has never behaved like those two boys yet that woman chose to let loose on him and not the other two because the other two are part of her kids class. I assume.

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OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:15

ThisUniqueDreamer · 04/04/2025 02:14

All of this is so dramatic. Shouting from her crying and shaking from your child to the extent he cant Speak, you worried about her spreading nasty gossip

Is everything usually this high drama

What a bizarre comment.. 🤨 It wasn’t 3 separate incidents of “drama” as you put it, it was one incident of an adult being disproportionately stern towards a timid-sounding little boy who was upset as a result. That’s it.
This sort of thing happens everywhere and very much isn’t what the rest of us would class as drama. 🙄

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:17

OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:07

@TheBrightBearYes I absolutely would approach her. Why should she have zero accountability for intimidating and frightening a child? If it was the other way around, you’d be punishing your DS.
Stand Up for your son! Ignore the contrary types on this thread, bending themselves every which way they can to find a way to blame you. They’re on every thread.

Thanks yes this is how I feel. Was actually listening to a podcast recently that commented on how nasty and cruel and unsupportive mumsnetters can be.

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Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:19

OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:15

What a bizarre comment.. 🤨 It wasn’t 3 separate incidents of “drama” as you put it, it was one incident of an adult being disproportionately stern towards a timid-sounding little boy who was upset as a result. That’s it.
This sort of thing happens everywhere and very much isn’t what the rest of us would class as drama. 🙄

Show quote history

Thanks for the support. Yes and actually he isn't really timid at all which is why it is quite upsetting...she must have been very harsh.

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OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:20

@TheBrightBearIgnore them OP. I’m really sorry your son was so upset, I’d have been livid. Please, please don’t let this vile woman get away with this, without being called out.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:23

OldCottageGreenhouse · 04/04/2025 03:20

@TheBrightBearIgnore them OP. I’m really sorry your son was so upset, I’d have been livid. Please, please don’t let this vile woman get away with this, without being called out.

Thanks so much yes I will speak to her

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Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 04/04/2025 03:26

TheBrightBear · 04/04/2025 03:03

Great you're lucky that you have a child who can articulate things. I'll never be able to get the full facts from my son. He just can't do it when it's something that scared him. As I keep saying it's a very small but badly laid out playground. He wasn't far from me, just my view was blocked.

Show quote history

When I went out my little girl was on the verge of tears with an adult man shouting at her, if I'd of spoken to him and got his version before DD's she wouldn't of felt able to tell me what actually happened, no little kid is gonna start arguing with an adult

My daughter is autistic and finds it really difficult to get her point across actually 🤦‍♀️ Hence why I spoke directly to my child instead of the angry adult making her feel uncomfortable and steamrolling over her.

She felt able to say because she knew I would listen and not apologise on her behalf before finding out the facts

it would be uncharacteristic of him to have done it on purpose but I suppose possible. I took her word for it and apologised and checked that her child was ok.

You need to apologise to your son for that. I bet he felt really let down by you taking her word for it.