Another parent angrily speaks to my child in playground

[TheBrightBear]

There's a new playground beside my kids school. In my opinion it is really badly laid out and part of it is fenced off from the other part, and you can't see through the fence, and due to this is very hard to completely fully watch the children. I was watching my 2 year old and when I looked up another mother was losing the plot with my older child age 7. The fence was in the way of my view. She claimed he had deliberately knocked down her child. I didn't see due to the angle, maybe he did...it would be uncharacteristic of him to have done it on purpose but I suppose possible. I took her word for it and apologised and checked that her child was ok. He was. When I turned around my child had vanished. He had run out of the playground and was hiding in some bushes trembling and shaking. I eventually got him back to the car and he curled up on the floor of it continuing to cry. A friend helped me persuade him to go back to the playground for a little bit so that he wouldn't be afraid to return the next time. He was very upset for the rest of the day and still subdued at bedtime. This woman is a parent at my children's school. I am wondering if I should speak to her and tell her the consequence of her actions as it seemed like a massive overreaction. My son was unable to tell me what she said but I think it must have been very strong as he is usually fairly thick skinned. She is part of an unfriendly clique of mums and I am afraid her reaction to him was something to do with nasty gossip between them. They are very social climber-esque and I am not good enough for them and I feel because of that it was acceptable to her to behave like that towards my child. Honestly in all the years in outdoor settings and playgrounds including during the pandemic I have never seen a parent going off on someone else's child like that. I am afraid of it happening again and we have to wait in that playground a lot as my oldest is collected from school at a later time to my 7 year old. I feel a bit powerless because it was a complete overreaction and also I have bitten my own lip so many times when bad behaviour has been directed towards my own children...the most I would ever say is 'no throwing', 'take turns' etc.

Well done.

Well unless it's monkey see me typing on my keypad I can't see how you could be right with that! I endlessly grit my teeth about things. That's why I respond here. Because I can actually express my opinion. Please give some examples of what you feel is an excessive reaction vs me just pushing back on people making ignorant comments. 'you overreact in general?'!!! Like how do you know? Do you know me in person somehow? How can you even make that statement with a straight face? Perhaps you are just deliberately stirring the pot.

You said your son has been teased and tormented by two boys all year, regularly name calling and chasing after him with sticks and trying to throw sticks at him.

Of course that's bullying.

As a mother, I'm shocked by how much you're underplaying this. You seem more bothered about the clique of mums.

You have your priorities all wrong.

Cliquey mum (I know I'm not allowed say cliques because they aren't real and it's just that I'm an overdramatic highly strung very unlikable person and that my main aim in life is to hang out with them but they won't let me because I'm so awful, but that's what I'll call her for identification purposes) is standing with the parents of those two boys, has seen all this behaviour and she never freaked out at them. Yet she has a massive go at my kid for something more minor... It's all part of the same thing. But I guess I deserve it because I'm as many people seem to be saying, I'm unlikable and the kids of the mums of a certain background can behave as badly as they like and get away with it. Is it really bullying ? I don't know. I feel he's shown a lot of restraint this year in not reacting to them. He's only a year older than them.

Oh FGS woman take some personal accountability and DO SOMETHING.

Maybe some verbal self defense would be good for your son? It will serve him well for life.

You were right to stop the child about to throw the stick in his tracks. No time to go find the parent to intervene, right? But there are also parents who will respond very badly to even the most reasonable of interventions from another parent.

I spoke to a couple of children who were chasing a group of ducks. It went on and on and the poor ducks were terrified. No parent or carer in sight. I told them to please stop chasing the ducks because they were scared. Someone has to teach them some empathy and animal cruelty I will never tolerate. I just spoke to them in a normal talking voice. Goodness knows where the useless parents were all that time.

Your response to me literally proves my point 🤣 you are that hell bent on your narrative that you completely missed what I’ve been saying.

You also push the blame onto everyone else…

The mum that shouted
The clique of mums
The two innocent looking boys
The school not providing childcare for your child
Mumsnet users out to cause drama
Mumsent users being ignorant
Me stirring the pot

It goes on.

You, my darling, are very transparent and not as clever as you think. Your responses and language are very telling of who you are as a person IRL. You’re not portraying one character on here and another in person, that’s for sure. It also says a lot about you than it does about anyone else if you think everyone on here is pot stirring/making drama and your heard that users were nasty, given you asked these people advice.

Take some accountability, stop blaming everyone else for a nonexistent problem that you’ve created and stop trolling on here if we are all so bad lol 😂

This! Get her number of the school WhatsApp and message her setting out direct that she never approach your child again. Ever. .. and get some balls yourself! I’d never let another parent tell my child off in public that I didn’t know like that, they should be taking it up with you as the other adult. You should have your sons back always and tick him off in private if he’s pushed a boundary.

That doesn't sound nice about the ducks. I don't really want him to look like he's defend himself to them because he's so big and he'll just look like the protagonist then. It's not fair but he is very tall and broad for his age and will get scapegoated if he reacts

If your child is about to throw a stick I wouldn't hesitate to tell them not to throw it because it's dangerous (in a normal talking voice) or if they say something mean I wouldn't not tell them that's unkind, just because you have given me a directive not to. If your child wants to not be spoken to by other parents at all, then they need to not do those things. (Not talking about yelling or ranting at them, obviously).

If you tell me not to talk to your child I'd have to direct my child and friends away from them and instruct them not to play together. That's not going to be nice for your son is it?

I think it's fine for other parents to address other children, especially if it's something like throwing a stick that needs stopping on the spot, but the manner of that interaction is what matters.

Troll? I made the thread?! I created it....no one has to comment if they don't want to...if they comment they can expect a reply.
The mum that shouted
In my heading I said she spoke angrily.
The clique of mums
Oh ok I agree you're right, no such thing as cliques, I'm just a horrible nasty person very unlikeable and that's why those mums only speak to the same 5 people and why I speak to many many people in a normal friendly way and the vast majority of people that I've met at the school wave, smile and say hi in a friendly way and don't blank me even though they know who I am.
The two innocent looking boys
How is describing a boy as innocent looking blaming someone else?
The school not providing childcare for your child
I don't expect the school to provide childcare. I am explaining why there are so many children hanging around in a small park for an hour with nowhere else to go.
Mumsnet users out to cause drama
You scrolled back to look at my previous comments so I guess you saw the one by the person who said they were just on mumsnet for the drama.
Mumsent users being ignorant
You should look up the recent mother's Day interview with psychologist Stella O Malley about cruel comments on mumsnet.

Me stirring the pot
Well I've no idea why you're commenting on this if not to stir the pot? Why bother? It wasn't anything to do with you...feels like you're just here for entertainment purposes.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to that person so I didn't have to! I agree with what you've written.

As far as cliques OP, they do exist and I find they often form around groups that know each other through things like the school parent association. Just a suggestion to reflect on yourself a bit. I know if I'm feeling a bit shy on a particular day I can come across as less approachable, and am less likely to be approached. Once I do get talking I'm fine though. Are you maybe a bit like that? Trying to be helpful because it took me a while to realise it.

Often the cliques can be welcoming but I put myself outside it. Occasionally there are cliques that are closed off and not friendly.

My mother was the same. Probably worse, a lot worse. Knowing this I can choose how open I want to be to a particular group and it does seem to work. Most of the time I'm happy to be outside though.

I'm gritting my teeth and saying nothing to those parents. And if someone's about to do something to my kid and he's near me I'll ask them to stop in a firm but fair way. That's all I'm going to do. I won't have him scapegoated. So I'll continue to keep quiet and try to protect him in a subtle way.

Ahhh and still no ounce of accountability from you and a whole host of overreacting.

I’m commenting to pass my opinion, which you asked for. Because it’s an opinion you don’t like, it’s doesn’t mean I’m stirring the pot or here for entertainment purposes, stop with the victim narrative and overreacting.

I can't imagine being so passive if my own son were being bullied.

I'm going to stop replying to this thread now.

Thanks so much for being kind. The clique all came from a particular preschool. It's also the more desirable preschool. I don't have an interest in hanging out with them, I'll chat to any of them happily but they prefer to stick together but it is awkward because my son gets along very well with one of their children....and I get the impression the mum would prefer it wasn't the case. I'm chatty and have lots of friends there and always have someone to talk to. It worries me that the woman who spoke angrily to my son is part of that clique...perhaps they talk about me or him and that's why she felt so justified in speaking to him like that.
Even by writing this I guess someone is now going to say I'm imagining things, I shouldn't say the preschool is more desirable, that there must be something unlikable about my son that she doesn't want her son to play with him, that I'm overdramatic.

Bye!

7 is fine to be in the playground a little way away from you, they could be inches away but behind something or facing the wrong way and you wouldn’t see what’s going on.

I have friends who tell other kids off, I generally would say ‘don’t push’ or similar but would never shout at someone else’s child unless it was something terrible. If it was a telling off it’s a bit meh, if she was actually shouting she’s way out of order and you should have calmly told her so and protected your child.

All the talk of cliques is confusing the issue and makes it sound like you’re making a big deal of it because you don’t like her or have a preconception that she’s out to get you (despite never having spoken to her before?).

you think everyone on here is pot stirring/making drama
if we are all so bad lol 😂
'everyone'
'we are all'
Sweeping generalisation? I don't think everyone here is pot stirring or making drama. Some people seem genuinely helpful.
Maybe you could tell me what you think I should be saying to show I'm accountable?
A woman spoke angrily to my child. She couldn't have seen properly what happened but she still must be right because my child is a total little bully and deserves everything he got. I followed up by giving him a public bollocking too. I didn't listen to him because surely he's a liar too. Then I told him to go to his room for the rest of the day because he deserved it. I'm an overdramatic oversensitive half crazed woman who is completely unlikeable. That what you're talking about? Is that being accountable?

Well I tried initially when she joined the school to be friendly to her but she wasn't interested. So I've never had a proper conversation with her. He child isn't in my child's class but I've mum friends in that class and they have said she won't engage with them either even though her child plays with theirs. She only hangs out with one particular group of mums and has no interest in being generally friendly

Awww poor you, everyone is so against you and here I am also just totally misunderstanding everything you say.

Honestly, if you act like this in real life and then yes I do think you are a challenging/emotionally tiring person to be around.

I’m leaving it here as it’s pretty pointless saying anything that doesn’t fit your agenda and I’m not a yes woman.

Bye bye!

Your poor son. He’s been chased around by children with sticks for a year and you’ve done nothing to deal with it. Why haven’t you spoken to the school for goodness sake. You’re focusing on the minutiae of what happened in the park, when your son is being bullied, repeatedly, in front of your eyes, and you do nothing. Poor boy.

i wouldn't take my son to that playground to be tormented. Find a better place to wait for your older child.