Hand hold please - 8yo DD asking for phone

[rootsandwings89]

Just that really - I need some reassurance in doing the right thing. My DD’s friends in year 3 are starting to get mobile phones and tell her they’re whatsapping every day after school and she feels left out :(

She’s asked before and I’ve explained she can have one when she’s older, but tonight she got frustrated and said why can’t I be like all the other mums :(

I knew this would happen eventually but not in year 3!

Gently - get a grip! You are the adult in charge. Tell her no, she won’t be getting a phone, end of discussion.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Just say no. Then 'I don't care what everyone else does, in this house you don't get a mobile until you're X age', and then ' if you keep pestering me I will remove your screen time. We will discuss this when you're 10'.

Madness! It must be your area or school as my 10.5 yr old doesn’t have a phone yet and neither do his friends, a group of about 5 or 6 kids z My 7.5 yr old doesn’t have any friends with a phone either. OP have a look at smartphone free childhood movement, there is loads of stuff about the damage social media apps can do to children. Our school has a v active whatsapp group based on the smartphone free movement.

I havent read any other posts but come on op..No is a full sentence. She's 8

Dd7 is yr3, Dd8 is yr4 (mixed class) & Ds10 is yr5. A few kids in the yr3&4 class have phones, social media & watch Tik Tok. Ds’s class he is one of few without a phone however, he isn’t bothered atm. Older Dd is feeling a bit left out, but she’ll survive. I know from their friends parents they have had issues with inappropriate content & bullying & been class issues. I work in a secondary school & the problems with WhatsApp, Snapchat etc is endless, always issues & angst. I will be the outlier in our social group & be saying no to phones, most social media for a good while.

Oh you’re in for a massive shock.

As someone who works in safeguarding at secondary you are absolutely doing the right thing.

There is not a single advantage to having a phone at 8 and there is a strong correlation between young phone “ownership” and lazy parenting, naive parenting, peer issues, county lines, grooming and awful behaviour.

I repeat. There is not a single advantage. Not one.

You are indeed left out. It’s a useful filter for working out who you want to be left out by.

Only an absolute fuckwit would give a smartphone to an 8-year-old, it's ridiculous. The statistics on the harm they cause to children are easily available and truly horrifying. None of the big tech execs allow their children to have smart phones or social media - there's a good reason for that.

Why did you get a small child in primary school a smart phone??

This is crazy. Our dc are in year 5 and no child in their class has a phone yet.

Literally no need for a phone in the bike scenario... You'd send a SIX YEAR OLD a text message or phone him to tell him to stop?? Makes no sense whatsoever.

You tell them they're not allowed to go out of sight or only take them to somewhere like a park or skate park/pump track it along a cycle route or whatever.

If they can't follow basic instructions, they can't go out on the bike.

A phone... SMH

This! Wtf happened that some people can’t parent anymore??
A handhold? Because you can’t say no to your 8 year old?

You pay for the phone therefore you decide when she gets it. At 11, when travelling on her own to senior school is an appropriate agee. Things get more challenging as they get older, remember you're the adult, you're not her mate, you're a parent and parents need to make the rules sometimes and say no. It's not a power struggle you're putting her welfare first. The earlier that she understands that the easier it will be once she's a teenager. Explain that children can get bullied and being on a phone especially as a child is not a good idea. Try and resist using your phone in front of her, and ask her friends round for tea, a strict no phones policy and do lots of fun stuff instead. Good luck

My 5-year old asked today when he can get a phone. I said when he’s 14. He’s so excited he ‘only’ has 9 years to wait.
I’m a bit horrified he’s already so interested in having a phone, and this thread has strengthened my resolve to be very strict about phones/gaming when the time comes.

I agree.

You shouldn’t feel like crap, you should be proud of yourself for not giving in to peer pressure.

Read The Anxious Generation

Parent your child.

Year 3?! Good grief what is wrong with people. And anyone whose kid is on WhatsApp at that age has lied about their age on their Apple profiles so they could be looking at god knows what!
My child is in year 6, I would say about 90% of them have phones. Only one of her friends has WhatsApp. They mainly all walk to school so that’s why.
Ive never met anyone who’d let an 8 year old have one!

You feel frustrated with parents who allow their children to have a phone? Why? Because then you have to tell your own child no? It’s called parenting. Grow up.

This. 100%.

The best thing you can do for your child is say the word no and mean it. No 8 year old needs a mobile phone. The next time she asks for a mobile phone telling her that she is a child and does not need one. Tell her if she continues to ask she won't get screen time. One of my friends had this a few years ago. She told her child no and said she would consider a mobile phone when they go to secondary school.
Now they are in secondary school they have one. She takes the phone off her child each evening and checks up on it use. They are not allowed there phone in the room at night. They know if they misbehave the phone will be taken off them.

A mobile phone has unlimited access to the internet and even as an adult I have seen things I don't want to see again. Then some kids use mobiles to bully and send nasty messages to other kid's. A child is not ready for a mobile until at least secondary school and I would not give one to an 8 year old.

Thanks for the sarcastic reply but no. I’m frustrated with parents who give their kids phones at such a young age because it creates the opportunity for peer pressure like it has my daughter.

Also for everyone who has politely commented telling me to get a grip or have a spine from behind a keyboard, I parent my kids fine thanks - remember you don’t know the full picture so if you have nothing kind to say, be quiet.

No. It's because parents who are stupid enough to give an 8 year old a mobile phone at ethe reason children are being bullied via them, sexually exploited and exposed to inappropriate content. And the teachers and police are having to deal with it all.

Whilst other parents are made out to be the "bad guys" by kids who want them too, and they're being responsible and saying no.