Hand hold please - 8yo DD asking for phone

[rootsandwings89]

Just that really - I need some reassurance in doing the right thing. My DD’s friends in year 3 are starting to get mobile phones and tell her they’re whatsapping every day after school and she feels left out :(

She’s asked before and I’ve explained she can have one when she’s older, but tonight she got frustrated and said why can’t I be like all the other mums :(

I knew this would happen eventually but not in year 3!

You say no. Be the parent

Year 3 is mental. You are right OP, don’t be pressured. I don’t know what’s wrong with those parents, so wrong.

My 14yo has a brick phone, no smart phone. My 11yo doesn’t even have a brick phone. Hold the line OP - yes there is lots of moaning but too bad, no reason at all for an 8yo to have any kind of phone.

Watch the channel 4 documentary “swiped” - you won’t give them a smartphone ever! Seriously it’s really, really dark.

This. When she’s older will you let her do everything she wants to so that she doesn’t feel left out. Don’t be pressured by your child, other parents, or feeling bad.

Don’t cave!! The more kids with phones the harder for other parents to say no.

There are downsides to not having a phone when others do (you’re left out).

There are downsides to having a phone (portal to all the awfulness on the internet; bullying; addiction; attention capture; displacement of other activity).

When I looked at it like this I thought, why do people think a kid getting a phone is inevitable? It’s as if they think being left out is the worst thing that could happen to them. But if you look at the list of downsides it’s clear to me that having a phone is worse for a kid than not having one. My DD is in year 8, still doesn’t have one. She’s no longer that bothered and has plenty of friends.

Great post. Thankyou for putting it like this.

My eldest two who are now both in secondary school didn't get a phone until the end of primary. So they were 11. I allow WhatsApp because that's what they chat with friends and family on, but no other social media. They are all family linked up so they can't download apps with permission etc etc. They go into downtime at 7.30pm and the phone is then unusable.
I am the only parent I know that has such strict phone usage and when listening to the trouble others have I'm relieved I'm 'that parent'. Mine don't have games consoles or ipads/tablets.
I'm also that parent that doesn't allow their kids to be photographed by school and uploaded to the Internet.
You have to trust that what are doing is in the best interests of your child and not follow the crowd because you feel a bit guilty. A phone at 8 years old is not in the best interests of any child. Trust yourself.

I’m a way off being in your position as my daughter is only a toddler, but I think you have the right idea in keeping her phone free. It’s going to be an unpopular opinion and she can tell her friends it’s all your fault, but you’ll thank yourself for going through this rough patch later, she will not see eye to eye with you on it at the moment, and that’s something you may just need to make peace with.

She’s too young to understand the dangers it can pose and the parents that give in and give them this access are sadly either blind to the risks or have the “it won’t happen to us” mentality. Stand strong by your convictions mama, at the end of the day your job is to keep her safe and that’s exactly what you’re doing.

NO! Just concluded the very last parents' evening with my 16 yr old and the teachers are begging us parents to take ALL electronic devices of them until end of GCSE exams! Mobile phones have been the GREATEST obstacle I have faced as a single parent!

I didn’t have all the popular things of the day when I was younger. It didn’t hurt me in the slightest. I’m so glad now as an adult although I didn’t see it as a child.

My 8 year old will not be getting a phone. And I’m not scared to explain why to him.
phones are damaging our children and it’s really sad to see it happening.

Do all her friends really have phones?! Or is she simply telling you this, to get her way?! My son wasn't allowed a phone until he started secondary school. If you don't want your daughter having a phone yet, then the answer is no. I suspect if you asked some of her friends parents, they will confirm their children don't have phones!! With the minority saying, they do!!

I don’t think you need a handhold (I thought those were for life and death crises?). But I think you’re doing the right thing. There’s a growing body of evidence that shows kids brains are hugely negatively affected by being online too early. They can’t absorb and analyse a lot of the complex and controversial info on there. And that’s without the cyber bullying and constant pressure to be, look or have better from influencers online. Stay strong and hopefully she’ll thank you one day.

I didn’t either, also turned out fine and I think that’s why I find it relatively easy to say ‘no’ on this. As a child I remember feeling annoyed that other kids had things I didn’t but now I understand why and it’s made me more comfortable with being different as an adult, which I really appreciate.

I am happy to be the bad guy because I love my children more than I care about them liking me. You know it is the wrong thing to do, all evidence suggests it’s atrocious for their concentration/ mental health etc. whenever I get the everyone else has x, y, z I say I’m not everyone else’s mum I’m yours and I’m doing the right thing for you

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. if she wants to call her mates for a chat she can borrow your phone or use the house phone. Why on earth does she need her own?

read the anxious generation by Johnathan haidt

read this…

thescreentimeconsultant.com/blog/nosafesmartphoneforkids

Yes. She will be left out not having a phone.

Left out of bullying that doesn’t stop at the school gates, but follows kids home.
Left out of endless WhatsApp/ Snapchat/ social media drama that drags in whole classes and eats up teachers time.
Left out of being exposed to inappropriate material online.
Left out of screen addiction.
Left out of being exposed to adult strangers online.

I could go on but I’m sure you get the picture. I’m very very happy for my 9 year old to be left out. And he won’t be getting a smartphone when he starts secondary school either. It’ll be a dumb phone until he’s 14. If that makes me a horrible parent, I don’t give a shit. I’m not here to be popular. I’m here to protect my kid.

A hand hold hahaha get a grip op

My daughter is 9 and she's not got one. Her brother was last term on yr6 before he hot his so she'll be the same.
Just say no, don't understand the issue

My 9 year old is in year 4. I’m not aware of any of his year that have a phone. A few of them do teams call each other on tablets (they use teams in school). I can’t see a need to get a phone until they are travelling to school on their own and even then, they don’t need a smartphone. You’re absolutely doing the right thing by saying no.

They need a break from the intensity of school - they are with friends all day and need to learn to be alone and perhaps even bored! I’ve been teaching 25 years and the damage is immense. Behaviour is shocking as the majority of kids have lost the ability to think for themselves without asking google, checking what TikTok says or asking their mate on Snapchat.

I don’t understand why you do? There is lots of things I say no to for various reasons, I don’t care about what other parents do. Children in my daughter’s Y5 class play minecraft, Roblox, have phones, and there have been issues with online bullying. She hasn’t gor any of these things and is not deprived. Parenting is not about following what everyone else does.
read about Jonathan Haidt and a smart phone free childhood.

Could not agree more.

Watch the channel 4 doc about the school that banned smartphones. It's terrifying

Handhold you are not being unreasonable!