Hand hold please - 8yo DD asking for phone

[rootsandwings89]

Just that really - I need some reassurance in doing the right thing. My DD’s friends in year 3 are starting to get mobile phones and tell her they’re whatsapping every day after school and she feels left out :(

She’s asked before and I’ve explained she can have one when she’s older, but tonight she got frustrated and said why can’t I be like all the other mums :(

I knew this would happen eventually but not in year 3!

A hand hold?

The answer you give is no.
I have an 8 year old and she's getting one when she's 11.

My daughter is the same age and they all (girls) have phones, including her. They are easy to keep an eye on if you have the right controls. My Apple ID has control over hers; as she has a child account.

That’s what I was thinking. It’s only a request not a deathbed wish 😂

Just say no. It's tough but it's really not good to have a smartphone in year 3. WhatsApp in primary school will be a bullying nightmare.

Do they really all have phones though? I’m sure in reality they don’t even if she says/thinks they do. Stand firm - I think you’re right not to give her one yet.

Same, it’s a firm no with an explanation why. You’re the parent!

Do you have a iPad or tablet or something she can use with restrictions downstairs

You’ll end up giving in sooner or later because she will get left out, even if she just uses yours under your supervision.

Yep. There’s only 5 girls in my daughter’s class and they all chat over FaceTime.

Peer pressure is real. I don't really have an advice but this is what i did with my daughter.

I told her i can't speak for other kids & parents and their actions but i am responsible for you only.
And i don't find internet safe for you, when you are old enough to understand what's right and what's wrong ill let you have it.

Luckily she understood it. She is in year 5 atm and lot of students in her class already have phones and she tells me they browse tiktoks.

I remind her that everything this generation will do on phones, my generation is the first one to do it and I know from experience it's not suitable for kids to be on the phone at this age. But saying that I've said to her if she passes 11 plus she can have the phone as a reward, otherwise it will have to be in secondary school.

You do not need a handhold to parent your child and say no, it's a short 2 lettered word.

Just say no. Maybe discuss phone use with her school, many schools are going phone free till 16, which is a great idea. Don't be afraid to assert your boundaries, you are protecting her.

Yes some reassurance like I said as I feel like crap.

I have a 8 year old in year 4 of 3 tier system. Most kids will get phones at the end of yr4 before they start middle school. I’m not sure what we will do.

My DC got phones the last term in Y6, no need before then.
There were tablets at home they could use

Hard no.
They're really not mature enough to handle it at this age.
Be that Mum.
My DD had a phone she could take with her when she went out in yr6. It wasn't her phone.
She got her own phone at high school. Plus strict rules - not allowed to change pin number, could be checked at any time, not in bedroom overnight, no apps without asking permission first. She was allowed WhatsApp - but close friends only, no class chats, no Instagram no tick tock. No Snapchat.
Relaxed as she got older and could be trusted not to be daft!

Peculiar. My year 4 son has not asked and if he asks he’d get told no and asked what he’d like for tea and that would be the end of it.

A hand hold for what??? Just say no

Why on earth do you need a handhold?

I can understand the hand hold need. I plan not to get my children smart phones until 14, when they go to high school they will get brick phones. I dread the conflicting feelings of having to be the bad guy who ‘makes’ them the left out one, even though I’m confident for us that smart phones for kids are a bad idea. Would it help to look at some of the horrific stats about mental health impacts, young child exposed to porn and sextortion, etc, to help you remember you are doing the right thing?

Giving smart phones to 8yr olds is utter insanity in my view.

When this happened with my Dd I asked around the other parents to find out how many actually had phones. Not many actually had. A few did but quite a few were from families where the parents lived apart. They needed the phones to keep in touch with each parent. We agreed that dd couldn't have a phone until the summer that she left primary school. However we did allow very short periods on my phone to talk with a few of her friends. It was on agreement that she 'earnt' the time and that we would monitor all conversations.

Whatsapp terms and conditions state users have to be 13 and above. 8yo is way too young, it is courting problems to give in.

That’s an unusually small number of girls. In a typical class with say 15 girls I doubt many would. Face time - do you have an I pad? I have one and I don’t have a problem with my 5 year old chatting to her grandparents on FaceTime so don’t see much wrong with that. But it wouldn’t be on her own phone or by herself. Absolutely no to WhatsApp.

My 8 year old wants a pony because her friend has one, should I get it 😂😂

My DS didn't get one until recently and he's 11.

Bullying is absolutely rife on primary school WhatsApp groups. Don't kid yourself that you'll regularly check it and it'll be okay. We've just had a major problem in Y6 with kids sending threatening messages to each other via a WhatsApp chat group. Some of the messages are vile and whilst kids have been removed by their parents, they have still seen it and been really upset by it.

Don't be that parent who just goes along with it because they'll be left out. Actually parent yourself, not through a bunch of 8 years and their parents.

Society would be better if parents had the spine to say no to their kids.