Hand hold please - 8yo DD asking for phone

[rootsandwings89]

Just that really - I need some reassurance in doing the right thing. My DD’s friends in year 3 are starting to get mobile phones and tell her they’re whatsapping every day after school and she feels left out :(

She’s asked before and I’ve explained she can have one when she’s older, but tonight she got frustrated and said why can’t I be like all the other mums :(

I knew this would happen eventually but not in year 3!

That’s what I was thinking. It’s only a request not a deathbed wish 😂
they were in our house, phones and screens messed our house over hugely!

Op I’d say not all of them actually agave phones, when I asked in school turned out only a handful actually did have phones so we have a rule of age 12 here. WhatsApp isn’t suitable at their age anyway, in our classes there’s been cases of kids making jokes and the others really getting upset over them. No need to let her into that world yet!

Aren’t handholds for things like child is in hospital or worry that child has mobile phone and you’re worried that they will look for abusive dad sort of situations

I would expect the odd year 3 child to have messaging so they can contact their other parent or relatives abroad or something but not necessarily on a phone which becomes a possible need once they are out and about on their own when they are older.

Isn’t there a minimum age for WhatsApp?

If you read the post properly I said I need reassurance I’m doing the right thing because it doesn’t always feel it.

Not sure why your replying if your going to just take the piss

Smart phones are robbing our kids of their childhood. Stand firm.

Just say no and look up smartphone free childhood. More and more parents are opting out of giving smartphones for kids until much older.

I just got my DS a Nokia dumb phone because he’s starting to go out and about on his own. Zero need before then.

Sympathies.

My 6 year old asks for ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner and my 10 year old is begging for a handgun. I've told them both to wait til Christmas.

Parenting is hard.

Super helpful - thanks

in my opinion - the answer is no. I mean my 12 year old has a phone and frankly I hate it. It’s only because I need to know he’s safe to and from school if I’m late picking him up. I don’t know if you have any other children but that also sets a precedent. My 10 year old is one of the only ones without a phone and I’m holding on to the “not until you go into secondary school like your brother” argument.

We were those parents - possibly the last ones to allow a phone (certainly not in the first two thirds) and monitored it closely when they did get one. At 8 it would have been just a hard no.

Good for you

A hand hold? Come on, OP, toughen up. She asked, and you refuse, end of story.

1 in 10 of children her age have also watched porn… just because others are doing it doesn’t mean it’s good

Ds is 10.6 ...I just laugh and say obviously no... End of.

https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/join

find your local smartphone free WhatsApp group to find like minded parents who want to keep their children away from smartphones. Also, there is a link on the website for non-smartphones, so no internet access etc, for when you do get her one. I’m really lucky. My year 4 child’s school is completely smartphone free. Not even allowed on the premises

My eldest got a phone in year 4 as “all my friends have one…..they all WhatsApp after school….. I’m feeling left out etc”

I relented and got her one too.

It was the worst parenting mistake I have ever made

There were so many issues with other kids saying mean things, ridiculous things posted in group chats, fallings out due to things said in chats, inappropriate tictoc/youtube videos being sent to my child.. Etc etc I could go on. It just caused SO many problems even though I monitored it very closely. I had to block 2 of their “friends”. And then after a couple of months I took the phone away completely. Honestly - my child was relieved and didn’t see it as a punishment.

They are just too young and too immature to deal with it.

My eldest got the phone back before starting High School. And my younger children will not get one until the same age.

Just re-read my post above and it reads like AI - it’s not! You don’t have to get your child a phone. It won’t be ALL her friends. Have a browse of the website above for ideas…

Forgot to add my DS has just turned 10 and is in y5.

There’s a link here to smartphone alternatives when the time comes
smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/resources

Why do you need your hand holding for simply being ha a decent parent to your daughter and saying, NO?

You're part of the problem.

They don't need to be bloody WhatsApping when they get home or at the weekend as they are seeing each other at school
The very next day!

I think it's obscene to give a young child a smart phone.

But you KNOW you're doing the right thing.

Since when is giving an 8 year old a smart phone the correct thing to do?

Just watch the drama and awfulness unfold with those poor girls who's parents were stupid enough to give them one, and be glad you did the right thing.

This is what I did when DD started asking. Resist, resist, resist. Steel yourself to be the baddie. Explain why your DD is too young for a phone. Tell her you are not interested in what other parents have done. Refùse to engage further once you have said those things.

Also, maybe message the other parents if you have a class WhatsApp saying DD is asking for a phone and you’re not planning on getting one yet and wondering if there are others planning the same so you can avoid feeling isolated. There’ll be loads of parents feeling the way you do. Have a read of Jonathan Haidt ‘The Anxious Generation’