Hand hold please - 8yo DD asking for phone

[rootsandwings89]

Just that really - I need some reassurance in doing the right thing. My DD’s friends in year 3 are starting to get mobile phones and tell her they’re whatsapping every day after school and she feels left out :(

She’s asked before and I’ve explained she can have one when she’s older, but tonight she got frustrated and said why can’t I be like all the other mums :(

I knew this would happen eventually but not in year 3!

There's no need to have them in the term of Year 6 either ...

I've seen mobile phones causing too many problems. 8 is far too young.

If you want her to have a brick for emergency purposes, that's fair enough but I wouldn't risk a smartphone. I've seen too many problems caused by those, particularly once the children discover Snapchat.

I worked in a school and Snapchat was regularly used for bullying. We also had one older boy sending dick pics to younger girls. [According to his mummy, his phone had been hacked. Given his behaviour on school premises, I don't believe that for a moment.]

Then there was the time two girls were befriended by an 'eleven yr old called Tommy'.

Tommy sent them a pic of his adult sized penis. Yes, the police were called.

Why would anyone encourage this???

They need time away from each other.

Why do you need a hand hold? My daughter is the same age and some of her friends have phones. She asked when she can get one and was told when she goes to high school. Children don't need phones.

just in case you’re thinking of swapping out the smartphone, here are some other phones available that don’t have the same internet access issues
smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/resources

Thank you - appreciate it! 🙂. I know it makes life easier but it’s so distressing for parents. I hate this aspect of parenting.

Our primary school has banned phones, thank fuck. Smartphones are awful for everyone let’s be honest, but especially for kids. We’ve spoken to our eldest about this and have suggested a non-smartphone when starting secondary school. I don’t feel bad saying no and I do/will facilitate friendships in other (much healthier) ways. Unless you’ve spoken to your 8yo about hardcore pornography, different forms of child sexual abuse, bullying, coercion, AI/fake images/videos, identity deception/theft and so on, they are not ready for a smartphone. It’s completely out of your hands once you succumb.

My child had a "phone" but no SIM card. This is for games and music. Works on WiFi. She has app to call us if in desperate need (costs a fortune but it hasn't been used yet). It's not an apple phone because the kids with iPhones, even old ones without SIM cards, are adding each other and taking each other out of chat groups, precisely the behaviour I want her to avoid for as long as possible.

I totally agree.

We had one pupil who was talked into sending her boyfriend a topless photograph of herself. "If you really love me..." etc.

That photograph was sent to every other pupil in the school. Nightmare.

Giving an 8 year old a phone is madness and they should be banned in primary school. Parents say they police them but in reality they don’t and suddenly they get awake up when they DC is accused of bullying.

Say no

You are most definitely doing the correct thing. Stick to your guns, lots of parents are doing the same and at the end of the day it’s the right thing to do for your dc.x

Eight years old. Not a chance.

No is a complete sentence

You are right to say no.
You need to be able to say no as the things that other parents will allow as they get into secondary school will make your toes curl. You DD needs to know that she is safe and boundaries help with that.
Lots of boys in DS class had phones in Y4, luckily he wasn't too bothered and I communicated with mums so he was not left out. Lots of them also played GTA and other violent games, watched Love Island, etc. this was also a no.
This won't be the only battle about phones and it won't be the only battle about boundaries. It's hard.

Thanks everyone who replied with something helpful

When you’re saying No to something other parents are saying yes to, it makes you question yourself.

DD has ADHD and it’s very intense when she gets upset which is why I said I needed reassurance about it, appreciate it may have sounded dramatic to some :)

Genuine question, what does she do on it? I can’t imagine what an 8 year old would even use a phone for?

I think you're doing the right thing. Hold the line and say absolutely no to a smartphone for an 8-year-old. If she wants to communicate with friends on Whatsapp, she can use your phone for brief periods of time. No preteen or young teen should have a smartphone IMO (or any other device with internet access for that matter, except in supervised situations and strictly time limited). The potential danger is too high.

Just say no. You're the parent. 8 is way, way too young.

Honestly I said the same thing to her - they’ve been at school together all day what do they possibly have to talk about?!

DD has used my phone sometimes to FaceTime my neice who lives far away and all they do is put filters on their faces and play games, they barely even speak and then sulk when they’re told to give the phone back.

I know not all kids will have phones but I know 3 of her friends do, I personally don’t agree with it and I feel frustrated with the parents who let them have them.

Getting involved in WhatsApp drama...! Needlessly FaceTiming friends...

And there’s the drip feed…

What on earth does an 8yr old need a mobile phone for??

Not sure what you mean?

Give her the phone... what harm can it do!

I'm shocked that all those parents gave their children mobile phones so young. Are you sure your daughter isn't making it up to pressure you? Do you know the other parents or her friends parents? I'm sure most of them won't want their kids having phones, could you raise it with them? Strength in numbers to say 'no'.