Heartbroken that I’ve caused my DS10 embarrassment

[TerribleMum10]

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

Wet dream? All seems a bit of an over reaction on both parts

What a load of absolute waffling nonsense. You cried because he pissed the bed. Please.

He was probably too tired after pratting about for so long at bedtime to wake up and go to the toilet when he needed to.

I would tell your son not to worry you have/will wash his pjs and bedding but that he must learn to do what you tell him the first time you ask. If he'd done as he was told this wouldn't have happened, you sound very dramatic and over emotional about it.

Poor little boy and poor you. You have both learned from the experience - acknowledge that together, have a hug and put the whole thing right behind you.

That's not what a wet dream is 🤣

He was probably just too tired to wake up after messing around.

I'd be pretty disappointed a 10yo had just covered up the mess instead of stripping the bed. He's should know what to do in case that happens anywhere else in the future. Definitely old enough to take responsibility!

So he just hid the mess, for you to find and clear up? I'd be having a word with him about that.

Surely he could've got up and found some kind of waterproof receptacle to piss in?

Fucking hell Op what a drama over nothing

Totally get where you are coming from OP. I would have felt terrible about that too. But, as PP have said, not your fault...they pushed you and pushed you and eventually you snapped back (i have two boys too...). You don't know why he wet the bed. Maybe he didn't want to annoy you by getting up again or maybe as a PP said, he just simply slept heavily and wet the bed. But not your fault- youre only human and the fact that you are upset by this means youre a great mum the vast majority of the time. Your boy will be fine - give him a hug after school and just let it go

Well it's great you have reflected, the responses so far are baffling! So unempathetic.

When you get home give a big hug. Don't make a big deal about it, say it happens don't ever worry about telling me about things like this we will always fix it. Tell him in future if he's awake and needs the toilet he can always go.

I remember having one of my first periods at my aunty's house and ruined the sheets. She was wonderful about it, just kept it like it's nothing to worry about it happens to everyone kind of vibe.

You are doing a great job- ignore the strange, strange judgements you have had so far. MN can be an unhelpful place at times!

Sorry you've had some horrible replies OP.

It's nobody's fault, don't be so hard on yourself. It could be that he was just too tired and didn't wake in the night. You'll both be fine once you've seen each other x

A wet dream wouldn't 'soak' the sheets. And I'm sure a mum of two is perfectly capable of identifying the smell of urine.

Bloody hell, that's a bit harsh isn't it?

Why did you feel the need to post such a thoroughly unpleasant comment?

@TerribleMum10, definitely don't say anything in front of your other son. Be totally normal and cheery when you pick them both up. At some point this evening, find time to have a private word with your older son and tell him he can ALWAYS leave his room if he needs the toilet, and that he doesn't need to apologise for having an accident.

Well I don't think you caused him embarrassment. He could have just gotten up and gone to the toilet.
You feel bad, and I would absolutely apologise for your overreaction. But the rest is on him, to be honest I think he could have stripped the sheets at that age rather than leave it. Yes he'd have to explain why he'd done so as I'm sure that not normal for a ten yr old but you're finding out about the wet sheets one way or another.

It's just one of those things. Give him a cuddle and move on.

My eldest is a bed wetter so this happens to us a lot. It's not a big deal.

This ^

He’ll be scarred for life now that his mum shouted at him 😂😂😂you better allow him to behave like a twat until he’s 18 now , to make up for it 🙄

This

we all shout at times. Esp if kids being a pita

give a cuddle. Tell him you aren’t cross. Accidents happen and can always go to the toilet

It sounds like he deserved the telling off and then they did settle down and go to bed so it worked. Maybe not the ideal method but no one manages to be a perfect parent all of the time. Then he was probably so exhausted from all the silliness he slept deeper than usual and didn’t wake when he needed a wee. He would have known ‘stay in your room’ didn’t apply to a middle of the night wee, and you meant stop arsing about with your brother. Most 10YOs would be embarrassed if they wet the bed regardless of circumstance and he prob left the note because easier than telling you face to face and no risk of his brother overhearing. I’d just change the sheets and never mention it again. But definitely not your fault, definitely no need to be crying!

This all seems a bit strange to me.

On the one hand, perhaps he was too scared to go to the toilet becuase you shouted - but I'd argue that the reality is that him and his brother had been behaving very badly and this is a useful lesson in understanding why that sort of behaviour isn't okay and what the repercussions can be. This is a form of "cry wolf" in a way - he was messing about when he shouldn't have been, and then when he genuinely did need to go to the toilet, he either didn't wake up or he was too scared.

And if, as you say, you don't usually shout etc, is he really so sensitive that by the following morning he's still so scared he can't tell you he wet the bed or, if he was awake when he did it, why would be do that? That suggests something much more serious to me.

I also think that franky, the "sorry Mum" thing is all very well and good, but he should either have stripped the bed himself, or told you right away.

At 10, he's old enough to know full well that you clearly meant don't get out of bed to play up. Getting out of bed to go to the toilet is a different story.

I wouldn't be heartbroken or feel bad for him, I'd be cross that he decided to wet himself instead of just going to the toilet.

Obviously I'd prefer not to, but I have shouted at my 2 a number of times when they've been dicking around at bedtime - they've never once taken that as 'don't you dare even use the toilet'

I'd think that the previous comments about being overtired are closer to the mark.