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Heartbroken that I’ve caused my DS10 embarrassment

234 replies

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

OP posts:
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Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:33

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:27

I’m in the get a grip camp too. And I’d be making sure he washed his pissy bedsheets too.

So you would be keen to make a massive deal of it and humiliate him - how lovely! Stellar parenting there.

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:34

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:32

Seriously….youd make your kid who had one random accident wash his pissy bedsheets? What-as a punishment for a one off he probably couldn’t even control? Aren’t you lovely?

My 10 year old does her own washing regardless. But yes, I wouldn’t be doing that for them why the fuck would I? They’re 10 not 3.

Taigabread · 03/02/2025 17:34

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

If you briefly shouting and imposing a consequence for poor behaviour resulted in such trauma an 11 year old wet the bed, then something is going quite wrong with how you are building your kids expectations of how they will be treated in the big wide world.

Your child will be off to secondary school soon where teachers will occasionally shout and impose consequences for poor behaviour - you need to help your child be ready for this and not be expecting nobody to ever raise their voice to him.

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Taigabread · 03/02/2025 17:37

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 16:08

Well it's great you have reflected, the responses so far are baffling! So unempathetic.

When you get home give a big hug. Don't make a big deal about it, say it happens don't ever worry about telling me about things like this we will always fix it. Tell him in future if he's awake and needs the toilet he can always go.

I remember having one of my first periods at my aunty's house and ruined the sheets. She was wonderful about it, just kept it like it's nothing to worry about it happens to everyone kind of vibe.

You are doing a great job- ignore the strange, strange judgements you have had so far. MN can be an unhelpful place at times!

The lack of empathy is mainly for the OP who frankly sounds like a massive drama queen. She did not 'humiliate' or 'embarrass' her son by telling him off. Jeez no wonder kids are utterly unable to cope with school these days.
A brief telling off is a completely normal experience for children and it's ridiculous to act as though it's traumatised her child in some way!!!

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:37

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:34

My 10 year old does her own washing regardless. But yes, I wouldn’t be doing that for them why the fuck would I? They’re 10 not 3.

Your 10 year old does her own washing? Doesn't she have some books to read, an instrument to play, a picture to draw, some toys to play with! Because you are their Mum/Dad who loves them not their adversary that wants to see them humiliated!

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:38

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:37

Your 10 year old does her own washing? Doesn't she have some books to read, an instrument to play, a picture to draw, some toys to play with! Because you are their Mum/Dad who loves them not their adversary that wants to see them humiliated!

Right so if she does her own washing she can’t do any of those other things? Are you thick?

MaltipooMama · 03/02/2025 17:38

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 16:08

Well it's great you have reflected, the responses so far are baffling! So unempathetic.

When you get home give a big hug. Don't make a big deal about it, say it happens don't ever worry about telling me about things like this we will always fix it. Tell him in future if he's awake and needs the toilet he can always go.

I remember having one of my first periods at my aunty's house and ruined the sheets. She was wonderful about it, just kept it like it's nothing to worry about it happens to everyone kind of vibe.

You are doing a great job- ignore the strange, strange judgements you have had so far. MN can be an unhelpful place at times!

This!!

Sorry about some of the replies you've had from some absolute dragons, I would hate to be one of their children! You sound like a lovely caring mother, no need to beat yourself up about it, anyone would've probably lost their rag at two little mischievous boys trotting around their bedrooms when they're supposed to be asleep!

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:39

Taigabread · 03/02/2025 17:37

The lack of empathy is mainly for the OP who frankly sounds like a massive drama queen. She did not 'humiliate' or 'embarrass' her son by telling him off. Jeez no wonder kids are utterly unable to cope with school these days.
A brief telling off is a completely normal experience for children and it's ridiculous to act as though it's traumatised her child in some way!!!

No she doesn't, she sounds like she possesses compassion and is not an arrogant arsehole so she realises she doesn't know it all as a parent!

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:40

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:38

Right so if she does her own washing she can’t do any of those other things? Are you thick?

Fat from it but you sound like you may be with your shit guide to parenting!

trivialMorning · 03/02/2025 17:41

Seems like you are placing too much expectations on the 10 year old. He’s 10 he’s still going to act the dick for a fair few years yet.

I really don't think it an unreasonable expectation to expect a 10 year old to go to bed when told to. I say that having parenting 3 very different kids.

Nor was OP unreasonable to tell them off when they were found messing about rather than join in or give it ten minutes. Ten is old enough to know how to behave.

Bedwetting just likely an unfortunate coincidence that OP conflating and then overreacting to. It something that happened at home and he partly dealt with - other than checking he's okay it's really a minor occurrence and not some huge embarrassment that will scare him for life.

It is okay to tell kid off and to have expectations round their behavior - it really is.

I'm staggered so many parents seem to doubt this these days - there were a few like this when my DC were young and they went though hell in teen years as their kids had no respect for them and hadn't learnt boundaries/acceptable behavior at younger ages.

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:41

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:40

Fat from it but you sound like you may be with your shit guide to parenting!

If teaching my kids how to work a washing machine makes me a shit parent then I’ll wear that badge happily.

BunnyLake · 03/02/2025 17:41

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:27

I’m in the get a grip camp too. And I’d be making sure he washed his pissy bedsheets too.

That’s horrible.

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:42

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:34

My 10 year old does her own washing regardless. But yes, I wouldn’t be doing that for them why the fuck would I? They’re 10 not 3.

Wow! They’re kids for such a short period of life….theres a difference between teaching them to use the washing machine and making them do all their own washing by the age of ten.

Im all for independence but fuck me we are adults for a very long time!

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:42

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:41

If teaching my kids how to work a washing machine makes me a shit parent then I’ll wear that badge happily.

Work a washing machine and throw a bit of humiliation in with it, if she were to make the same mistake as the OP's child at 10, your set up sounds like Tangled!

BunnyLake · 03/02/2025 17:42

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:41

If teaching my kids how to work a washing machine makes me a shit parent then I’ll wear that badge happily.

That wasn’t your motive to make them wash their ‘pissy’ sheets. It’s nasty.

trivialMorning · 03/02/2025 17:44

I taught my kids how to use washing machine by 10 - still did and do bulk of their washing. It means if there something they want quick or with DDs a period related accident - they can just put it on it's no big deal.

I'm quite pleased my 19 year old Uni student comes home and does her own washing - though even there I will put a load if machine been in use so it had to wait and washing to go in is right there.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 17:44

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:42

Wow! They’re kids for such a short period of life….theres a difference between teaching them to use the washing machine and making them do all their own washing by the age of ten.

Im all for independence but fuck me we are adults for a very long time!

Shoving some clothes in a washing machine doesn't take long. It doesn't take away from kids being kids either.

I don't see the big deal.

Zippidydoodah · 03/02/2025 17:44

Ffs! Really?!

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:45

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:42

Wow! They’re kids for such a short period of life….theres a difference between teaching them to use the washing machine and making them do all their own washing by the age of ten.

Im all for independence but fuck me we are adults for a very long time!

One load of washing a week is hardly a hardship is it. My poor child I’ll hand her over to social services myself.

MrsSchrute · 03/02/2025 17:45

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 17:44

Shoving some clothes in a washing machine doesn't take long. It doesn't take away from kids being kids either.

I don't see the big deal.

Yeah I agree, seems like a good thing to me.

BunnyLake · 03/02/2025 17:45

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:42

Wow! They’re kids for such a short period of life….theres a difference between teaching them to use the washing machine and making them do all their own washing by the age of ten.

Im all for independence but fuck me we are adults for a very long time!

One day kids get a choice as to how much they want to see their parents. Judging by MN there’s a lot that go NC when they realise they don’t have to have their parents in their lives.

MILLYmo0se · 03/02/2025 17:46

ProustianMadeleine · 03/02/2025 15:53

What a load of absolute waffling nonsense. You cried because he pissed the bed. Please.

He was probably too tired after pratting about for so long at bedtime to wake up and go to the toilet when he needed to.

She told him he was forbidden to leave the room again until it was time to get up for school, she's upset that this may have happened because he was too scared to defy her, I can understand her being upset

mollyfolk · 03/02/2025 17:46

Aw poor him and poor you. We all have our moments. You’d need to be a saint not to lose your temper sometimes! Have a chat with him, maybe he just slept deeper than usual and had nothing to do with not feeling like he could leave his room.

he sounds like a lovely boy leaving you a note to say sorry.

Taigabread · 03/02/2025 17:47

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:39

No she doesn't, she sounds like she possesses compassion and is not an arrogant arsehole so she realises she doesn't know it all as a parent!

Oh come on, 'heartbroken' because she told off her child? Seriously?! 'beating herself up' all day? That is not a normal parental reaction to having needed to tell off a 10/11 year old child. It's really not.

I honestly think people need to take a very long hard look at what expectations they are giving their children of what the world is like. It's unbelievable

Lilactimes · 03/02/2025 17:47

@MaMoosie - can I ask out of interest - are you from the UK ?