Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Heartbroken that I’ve caused my DS10 embarrassment

234 replies

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Fuckitydoodah · 03/02/2025 16:29

I'm not sure why you've had some unpleasant responses.

I get why you feel the way you do OP. Your guilt at getting angry at them last night is very much overriding your thoughts.

Big hug when he gets home and explain if it happens in future to let you know and you're not angry, he must not feel embarrassed etc etc.

None of us is a perfect parent. We're just trying to get through each day and some days are smoother than others.

SnowdropPancake · 03/02/2025 16:29

Either you are grossly underplaying "shouting" at him and it was, genuinely a traumatic event for him that caused spontaeous lack of overnight bladder control or that scared him so much he daren't leave his room again even for the toilet.

Or it was just a bit of a shout and clearly the bed wetting is not really related.

You will know which it is.

HT2222 · 03/02/2025 16:31

He wet the bed because you shouted? At 11 years old?

You have more to worry about than shouting OP. He is going to been rinsed at secondary school if shouting has this response...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

pimplebum · 03/02/2025 16:32

Hug it out and all will be well
cook him his fav meal

FeedMeBrunch · 03/02/2025 16:34

I’ve no advice but you sound like a great Mum

Rosiestraws · 03/02/2025 16:37

SnowdropPancake · 03/02/2025 16:29

Either you are grossly underplaying "shouting" at him and it was, genuinely a traumatic event for him that caused spontaeous lack of overnight bladder control or that scared him so much he daren't leave his room again even for the toilet.

Or it was just a bit of a shout and clearly the bed wetting is not really related.

You will know which it is.

This... 100%

Thisismyusername1234 · 03/02/2025 16:38

ProustianMadeleine · 03/02/2025 15:53

What a load of absolute waffling nonsense. You cried because he pissed the bed. Please.

He was probably too tired after pratting about for so long at bedtime to wake up and go to the toilet when he needed to.

Wow!! Lighten up ffs 🙄

Lyn348 · 03/02/2025 16:38

Is he ND OP? Mine with ASD would be that literal and think he wasn't allowed out of bed for anything. Bless him, I think it's so sweet that he went back to write you a note to apologise. Give him a big hug, tell him how much you love him and that he's always allowed out of bed to go to the toilet if he needs to.

You sound like a lovely mum and I understand completely how you feel, he'll be ok though so don't worry.

StickMum · 03/02/2025 16:39

Wow did MN turn into X (Twitter). Some responses are harsh and unnecessary.

BeachRide · 03/02/2025 16:39

MoetUndChandon · 03/02/2025 16:04

Surely he could've got up and found some kind of waterproof receptacle to piss in?

My husband remembers one night as a child, being too scared to go across the dark hall to the bathroom, so he wee'd out of the window 🤣

HebeHerbivore · 03/02/2025 16:40

pimplebum · 03/02/2025 16:32

Hug it out and all will be well
cook him his fav meal

I wouldn’t cook him his favourite meal, at the end of the day he was still playing up despite his mother telling him to behave.

Clean slate, start again and tell him of course he can go to the loo at anytime.

FantasticalTeapot · 03/02/2025 16:40

Some of these responses are baffling!

I'd feel just the same way as you, OP, but no-one's really done anything wrong.

Find a private moment to comfort and reassure your son then never mention it again.

UrsulasHerbBag · 03/02/2025 16:41

it was just an accident. Have a quiet chat with him about what happened and if it happens again he needs to tell you so it can be cleaned up properly. They were being naughty and deserved their telling off but make sure he knows he can use the toilet in the night if he needs to again. It sounds like he just slept heavily though.

hjfoau · 03/02/2025 16:44

Yeah I'm on team get a grip. Of course you shouted at them when they were defying you after dozens of times, honestly if they run circles round you like that and are that sensitive to an angry reaction you are clearly far too soft on them.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 03/02/2025 16:45

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/02/2025 15:48

Wet dream? All seems a bit of an over reaction on both parts

you can tell the difference between urine and cum unless you misunderstand what a wet dream is 😳

RachelLikesTea · 03/02/2025 16:48

Actually you should be really proud of him, he’s a sweet, obedient and conscientious boy. Just ignore some if the idiotic replies posted. Just give him a big hug.

oakleaffy · 03/02/2025 16:51

Such high drama over nothing.

ChaoticCrumble · 03/02/2025 16:51

Is it possible he wet the bed while messing around with his brother?

I get why you feel bad, but pretty much every parent has shouted at bedtime. You'll all be ok. Give him a big hug.

bridgetreilly · 03/02/2025 16:53

Give him a hug, tell him you’re not cross, and make it clear that whatever you say in future, he’s allowed to go to the loo if he really needs to!

Likewhatever · 03/02/2025 16:54

bridgetreilly · 03/02/2025 16:53

Give him a hug, tell him you’re not cross, and make it clear that whatever you say in future, he’s allowed to go to the loo if he really needs to!

This, it’s all you need to do!

FindusMakesPancakes · 03/02/2025 16:58

Sorry, but I am also on the harsher end here. He is old enough to know that leaving his room to use the bathroom is fine vs leaving it to mess about. He could have called out to you that he needed the loo if he genuinely didn't think he was even allowed to do that.
And yes, having wet the bed, he should have owned up, not hidden it for you to find.

There is no need to be either cross about it or overly apologetic either. A straightforward matter of fact conversation about acceptable vs unacceptable behaviour.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 03/02/2025 16:59

The responses on here are shocking.

For a young kid, wetting the bed is the most awful, embarrassing thing in the world.

OP, I would give him a big hug and tell him everything is okay when you see him and not mention it directly unless he brings it up.

I think the note was lovely and he clearly wanted to apologise to you but felt too embarrassed to do it in person.

Kids act up, it happens... PPs are acting like he has done something awful.

Wetting the bed is a sign of emotional distress, so if it's a once off I would not worry but if it happens again I would address it seriously just in case something else is going on.

WinterSun20 · 03/02/2025 16:59

I don't really understand. Are you saying that it's your fault because you shouted and he wet himself out of fear? Or are you saying that he's so petrified of you that he took the instruction to stay in his room as a serious threat and so stayed in bed and wet himself, rather than risk your wrath and use the loo?

I'm not sure how either can be true if you aren't usually the type to lose your cool or shout. Also most 10 year olds can handle pissing their parents off once in a while with it causing them such distress that they wet themselves.

I think it's more likely that he was messing around before bed and perhaps neglected to do the usual loo trip before you ushered him and his brother into bed which resulted in an accidental bed wetting.

I would clear it up and tell him that he can go to the loo any time and that if he has an accident again, to let you know asap so it can be sorted. Accidents happen. You can apologise for shouting, but know that it's normal for parents to lose their cool occasionally, especially at the end of the day when everyone is tired and the kids aren't listening and pushing all the buttons and boundaries.

GreatFish · 03/02/2025 16:59

God some people can be so negative on here.If you can't say anything positive don't say anything at all.Your son was obviously embarrassed at the fact he wet the bed hence he covered it up and apologised by a note.I empathise with you loosing your temper and shouting ,I'd be very surprised if any parent can honestly say they have never reacted like this.Its happened,it's not such a big deal just let your son know you love him and move on.

museumum · 03/02/2025 17:00

I have a 11 yr old DS and I think I'd need to ask whether he slept too deeply or if he was too scared to leave his room.
I haven't truly lost my cool with DS ever and probably not shouted since he was a toddler with a death wish but even if I really yelled I don't think he'd be actually be too scared to go to the loo. I think that shows quite a high level of anxiety that would require a bit more discussion.