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Heartbroken that I’ve caused my DS10 embarrassment

234 replies

TerribleMum10 · 03/02/2025 15:43

NC because I've caused him enough humiliation without anybody on here who may know us in RL finding out.

My eldest DS is 10, nearly 11, and in Y6. Last night him and DS2 (just 9) were playing up something terrible when they were supposed to be in bed and going to sleep. Sneaking into each others rooms, in and out of the bathroom, winding each other up and generally just getting on my last nerve. They're not bad lads at all, the eldest in particular has really matured over the past 18 months so acting out like that was quite out of character. Not sure what caused it, maybe just caught his brother's silliness and lost control a bit, but either way they pushed me to the edge and after asking them calmly but firmly at least half a dozen times I'm afraid I did lose my cool and shout . Not something I ever usually resort to, and not something I'm proud of, but I made it very clear how angry they'd made me and that neither of them was to leave their room again until it was time to get up.

It seemed to do the trick, not another peep.

Of course by this morning I'd calmed down, and decided not to bring it up again. What's done is done, it's in the past and today's a new day and all that. DS1 was already up and dressed in his uniform when I went into wake him, which surprised me a little especially after the late night they'd ended up having, but it's not totally unheard of for him to wake early and amuse himself with a book so I didn't think much of it and we went on with our morning. DS2 was much harder to wake, and a little grumpy through being overtired, but nevertheless we were ready to head out to school on time. Just as we were heading out of the door DS1 remembered something he'd forgotten to pick up from his room and dashed upstairs for a minute.

After dropping them off at school I went to gather laundry from their rooms, and found a scribbled note on top of DS1's duvet which just said "Sorry Mum". Pulling the covers back, to my horror I found his sheets soaked with his PJs and pants screwed up in the middle. My poor boy had wet the bed!

Now DS doesn't have even occasional accidents and I honestly can't remember the last time he wet the bed, he must have been 5 or maybe even younger. And of course this was my fault, I'd lost my temper and forbidden them from leaving their rooms. I won't lie, I burst into tears when I realised what had happened and my heart absolutely broke for him that I'd caused this to happen.

I've been beating myself up all day about it, I can't imagine how embarrassed he must have been feeling this morning and despite that he actually wrote me a note to say sorry!

They're at an after school club at the moment, I'll be picking them up in an hour and I just want to give him a big hug and say how sorry I am, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without bursting into tears and without drawing DS2's attention to what happened too.

I just feel like a terrible mum! Yes they were playing me up, but I caused my son to be humiliated and that's on me.

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this, just an outlet I think to try and gather my thoughts and hopefully decide how to approach it and how to make sure I can never cause something like this again.

OP posts:
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BunnyLake · 03/02/2025 17:00

Ah don’t worry about, it’s not big a deal. Just have nice clean bedding on his bed and let it be. Don’t make a drama out of it.

SwerveCity · 03/02/2025 17:02

god there’s some horrid people in here, sod off back to AIBU.

ChessorBuckaroo · 03/02/2025 17:03

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 16:08

Well it's great you have reflected, the responses so far are baffling! So unempathetic.

When you get home give a big hug. Don't make a big deal about it, say it happens don't ever worry about telling me about things like this we will always fix it. Tell him in future if he's awake and needs the toilet he can always go.

I remember having one of my first periods at my aunty's house and ruined the sheets. She was wonderful about it, just kept it like it's nothing to worry about it happens to everyone kind of vibe.

You are doing a great job- ignore the strange, strange judgements you have had so far. MN can be an unhelpful place at times!

Yep, awful replies.

It's fine OP. A hug will sort it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

MillionaireCaramel · 03/02/2025 17:03

Some of the responses on here are unbelievable. No one is perfect and has the right reaction all the time.

OP, find a private moment and speak to your son. Tell him you're not cross about the accident and if it happens again he can come and tell you.

FiveBarGate · 03/02/2025 17:04

Surely he could just have opened his door and shouted 'mum I need the toilet, is that okay?'.

I can't believe he was so petrified he didn't just call you if all you did was raise your voice.

More likely he was overtired or had a chill.

CrispieCake · 03/02/2025 17:04

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/02/2025 16:29

At 10, he's old enough to know full well that you clearly meant don't get out of bed to play up. Getting out of bed to go to the toilet is a different story.

I wouldn't be heartbroken or feel bad for him, I'd be cross that he decided to wet himself instead of just going to the toilet.

This. Don't feel bad. I wouldn't. He's old enough to know that, when you shouted, what you meant was "I've had it up to here with you arsing around!", not "You must stay in your room even if you're ill or the room is on fire or the house is shaking". I would be cross that he hadn't either gone to the toilet or, if a genuine accident, cleaned up his mess (asking for help if necessary). He knew what you meant.

ItGhoul · 03/02/2025 17:07

I doubt his accident was a result of you shouting at him or him being too scared to get out of bed for a wee. Just one of those things and he'd have felt just as embarrassed if it had happened at any other time. No need to feel guilty - just take him aside, tell him not to worry at all about the sheets and that these things happen sometimes, and put clean sheets on the bed for him.

(I'm assuming, by the way, that he did pee the bed and that he didn't have a wet dream and attempt to get rid of the evidence by washing stuff in the bathroom?!)

Goldenbear · 03/02/2025 17:09

pompey38 · 03/02/2025 16:22

He’ll be scarred for life now that his mum shouted at him 😂😂😂you better allow him to behave like a twat until he’s 18 now , to make up for it 🙄

What a horrible way to refer to a child.

OhBow · 03/02/2025 17:10

Poor darling and poor you.

I can imaging exactly how you're feeling. I literally do everything I can to keep my temper with my dc, who are around the same age. I know what's it's like to be terrified by your mum at that age.

But it sounds like this was just a one-off, so give him a big cuddle and have some lovely family time over the next few days. Cheerfulness and laughter are great for bonding and tension-relieving.

OhBow · 03/02/2025 17:14

I can't help wondering if there are some better parenting websites out there.

I've been on here since 2007/8 and it was bloody lovely for the first few years and very funny too.

Msmoonpie · 03/02/2025 17:17

Well hes a lot less likely to play up again.

You’re hardly a terrible mum for giving them a bollocking for misbehaving. It was a misunderstanding.

Just let him know that ofcourse he’s allowed to use the toilet if he needs it in future.

This hand wringing over every aspect of parenting really needs to stop.

Lightswitchup · 03/02/2025 17:17

Some of the replies on here are really weird! OP I would just talk to him about it and give him a cuddle. You know you went overboard but we’ve all been there so give yourself a break and just tell him how you feel about it.

latetothefisting · 03/02/2025 17:17

GoodVibesHere · 03/02/2025 16:10

Bloody hell, that's a bit harsh isn't it?

does 'having a word' mean 'beat him with a belt and lock him in the cellar' in your dictionary?
I interpreted it literally as 'I would tell him what to do if it happened again, i.e. I won't be angry at you but please come and tell me immediately nd/or take the sheets off yourself.'

I appreciate he was probably embarrassed but a 10 year old is old enough to pull sheets off, even if he just left them on the floor it would be better. What if OP hadn't happened to go into his room, they could have been there soaking into the mattress and stinking up the room all day.

DeepFatFried · 03/02/2025 17:19

OP, seriously - he is a mature 10 year old. He KNOWS you were telling them to stop pratting about - not that they weren't allowed to go to the toilet. He knows (presumably) that you wouldn't beat him to within an inch of his life if he disobeyed you to go to the toilet!

Talk to him,. reassure him, tell him that this sometimes happens and that you are not upset that he wet the bed, but quit the guilt for being angry at their messing about and misbehaving.

Notgivenuphope · 03/02/2025 17:20

You can both learn from this. Him to stop arsing about at bedtime and you to keep your temper under control.

trivialMorning · 03/02/2025 17:21

He messed around got old off.

Likely coincidentally had an accident - too tired, coming down with something or UTI.

DD1 started same age bed wetting this age initially assumed tiredness due to what was happing at time - was UTI - she had no other symptoms or none she told me about. Washed bedding - checked she was okay and moved on with life. She has no memory of any of it.

This really isn't a huge deal.

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 17:25

OhBow · 03/02/2025 17:14

I can't help wondering if there are some better parenting websites out there.

I've been on here since 2007/8 and it was bloody lovely for the first few years and very funny too.

I agree, people have been absolutely vile on here, not caring who they hurt.

Empathy is the most complex form of human values and what shocks me is online at least so many people lack it. Mumsnet is getting a reputation for being toxic.

Galatine · 03/02/2025 17:26

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/02/2025 15:48

Wet dream? All seems a bit of an over reaction on both parts

I don't know what you think a wet dream is, but it's not what the OPs son had!

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:27

I’m in the get a grip camp too. And I’d be making sure he washed his pissy bedsheets too.

Meanwhile33 · 03/02/2025 17:28

It sounds like you’re having a pretty big emotional reaction to something that’s not really that big a deal. Just have a chat to him about it when you get home, get him to help to remake the bed, tell him what to do if it happens again. Apologise for shouting if you fell like you were ott but it doesn’t sound like you did anything out of order if they were both being a pain. When kids are extra annoying, it’s not unheard of for mums to shout at them! He’ll only feel humiliated and weird about it if you discuss it with other people in public. Just forgive yourself, don’t be over emotional anbout it in front of him, and move on.

OhBow · 03/02/2025 17:28

lovemetomybones · 03/02/2025 17:25

I agree, people have been absolutely vile on here, not caring who they hurt.

Empathy is the most complex form of human values and what shocks me is online at least so many people lack it. Mumsnet is getting a reputation for being toxic.

It's a real loss because this is such a rare predominantly-female online space

MrsSchrute · 03/02/2025 17:29

I agree with the harsher posters on here. This isn't a big deal, and you definitely seem to be having an extreme reaction to a fairly minor issue.
You lost your rag and shouted, not ideal but not the end of the world.
Have a quiet word when he is home about using the toilet and stripping the bed if it is wet and move on. No big deal.
And as for the op who said the wetting the bed is the most embarrassing thing in the world for a 10 year old - that's crazy! What a huge overreaction!

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 03/02/2025 17:30

sometimes kids run silly. Sometimes it’s just best to leave them to do just that rather than loosing your shit with them. Or get involved and tell then we will have 10 min of fun then to bed we go. Seems like you are placing too much expectations on the 10 year old. He’s 10 he’s still going to act the dick for a fair few years yet.

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:31

It’s perfectly possible that your DS didn’t do it because he was too scared to leave the room. My oldest DS (now 16) wet the bed twice after he was toilet trained, 1 of these times was when he was around your sons age…..a day later he came down with tonsillitis and a bad cold. (The other time was at about aged 6 so still young) I assume the illness was related to the random bed wetting incident.

Either way I’m with the kinder poster who say hug, reassure and tell him he can always leave to use the bathroom.

SpeedyMcNobhead · 03/02/2025 17:32

MaMoosie · 03/02/2025 17:27

I’m in the get a grip camp too. And I’d be making sure he washed his pissy bedsheets too.

Seriously….youd make your kid who had one random accident wash his pissy bedsheets? What-as a punishment for a one off he probably couldn’t even control? Aren’t you lovely?