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Original poster

Social services

248 replies

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 09:22

Need some advice for my friend
So she’s currently 38 weeks pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her
he’s in prison for class a or b drugs
He isn’t the baby’s father at all
Does anyone know what would happen or if they would find out ?

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LIZS · 02/02/2025 11:56

Even if ss somehow miss this developing relationship until he is released the whole situation of her seeking him out suggests she has questionable boundaries and choice of friends. A pattern likely to be evident in her lifestyle generally. This will not make her a good mum.

gamerchick · 02/02/2025 11:58

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:04

She has ss involvement with this pregnancy and waiting for a discharge with her other child
I’m hoping what your saying is right and it’s unlikely for her that ss will find out because she does deserve this chance I know what she’s doing it’s stupid but it’s not like it’s her kids father or ex partner etc

Edited
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I really hope SS do find out. Your friend needs supervision by the sounds of it.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 11:59

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 10:32

They didn’t, as I said in my post they attempted to add me to their call list.

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Oh I’d have thought that In order to add you to their call list, they have had to have known your number!

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TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 12:00

Quite honestly the OP/this “friend” is not fit to be a parent. She wasn’t at 16 and she’s not now.

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:14

To be added to a call list, (an ex friend added me before I wised up and cut him off), he gave the prison my number, they then called me to check that I was ok to be added, and then added me. So you can say no at that point.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 12:18

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:14

To be added to a call list, (an ex friend added me before I wised up and cut him off), he gave the prison my number, they then called me to check that I was ok to be added, and then added me. So you can say no at that point.

yes but the prisoner have given the prison the number I. Order to obtain consent surely?

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:20

Yes, I can't see how it would work otherwise. Unless they wrote to him?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/02/2025 12:20

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 19:34

Because she is a good mother she deserves this chance she was young with her first very young

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How do you know she is a good mother when all the evidence points to the opposite? First child removed and still not with her, pregnant now to someone else, and lining up a relationship with a con doing time for drugs...all the while under SS observation for said second child and her main concern is how/will they find out?

What in any of that make you think she "is a good mother who deserves a chance"?

She is not making any good choices here, her "talking to an old mate" and "getting closer" or whatever should be so far off her mind right now, especially when they are a convicted felon.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 12:22

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:20

Yes, I can't see how it would work otherwise. Unless they wrote to him?

I would hope that if a prisoner did not have someone’s number but wanted to add them to their call list… it would rule out the prison contacting the person

MissyPants · 02/02/2025 12:23

I'm not sure about finding out but I'd question her friendship circle. Who you hang around with has a strong influence on who you are/become/act etc. Nothing good can come from this friendship around children.
Plus if she feels like she's hiding something then maybe she shouldn't be seeing him at all? I had a good friend but once she became involved in cocaine and got caught up in the criminal justice system I let the friendship go.

IncaDove · 02/02/2025 12:32

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:05

Yes I know that but what would need to be said in the call for ss to be alerted ?

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You’re ignoring the many posts that have told you exactly how SS will find out.

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:36

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 12:22

I would hope that if a prisoner did not have someone’s number but wanted to add them to their call list… it would rule out the prison contacting the person

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Absolutely, if not there could be terrible consequences, e.g. with abusers and victims. So in Simon's case, I imagine the prisoner asked him via letter and he said no so it didn't get to the verification point. I'd also hope the letters were not being sent to the home address, but to a PO box or something. Risky otherwise.

SpanielsSunflowersSand · 02/02/2025 12:36

You keep asking the same question, expecting a difference answer.

He might tell his probation officer that he’s been “talking to some pregnant bird” or any other situation where someone with a safeguarding duty is informed.

Prisons/ probation/ police/ SS (and many others) have agreements in place and a duty to refer to one another for safeguarding reasons.

Your friend needs to stop making the mistakes that bare consequences. SS would not be interfering with a pregnancy 9 years down the line unless the neglect with the first was significant and serious, and she has not in those 9 years been able to prove she has changed!

IncaDove · 02/02/2025 12:39

He will have to add her to his call list in prison. When that is done the prison will make checks with other agencies to make sure the person isn't connected with his crime so victim, witness etc. or someone he is barred from contacting.
He will have to provide full details of the person he wishes to contact so address, date of birth, tje relationship between the two of them. They will also carry out checks on this person.

almay · 02/02/2025 13:51

I think she should mention it to her social worker who can hopefully explain to her in really clear terms why starting a relationship with anyone (let alone a prisoner) at 38 weeks pregnant is not being a good mother. All her time and energy should be going on preparing for this new baby and not making the same mistakes she did before. Your friend obviously requires a significant level of help, and despite what people think, SS do want to provide that help and keep babies with their parents.

BrownJenkins · 02/02/2025 14:14

I'm a foster carer. Over 90% of the children I've cared for have come from homes where the mum didn't put the needs of her child above her own wants and desires.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 14:33

murasaki · 02/02/2025 12:36

Absolutely, if not there could be terrible consequences, e.g. with abusers and victims. So in Simon's case, I imagine the prisoner asked him via letter and he said no so it didn't get to the verification point. I'd also hope the letters were not being sent to the home address, but to a PO box or something. Risky otherwise.

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Even then I would hope the prison would say

“if you’re not close enough to already have someone’s number, they can’t go on your call list”

seems ridiculous for the prison to be actually writing to someone to say one of their prisoners wants their number and is that ok!

murasaki · 02/02/2025 14:51

Well yes, but maybe it's different if you're part of a write to a prisoner scheme, I don't know.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 14:55

murasaki · 02/02/2025 14:51

Well yes, but maybe it's different if you're part of a write to a prisoner scheme, I don't know.

I didn’t expect you to know 😕 I just enquired of a Pp

pinkdelight · 02/02/2025 15:05

Stop focusing on whether and how she'll get caught. Getting found out by SS is not the real problem. The real problem is what she's doing. She's not 'a good mother' because what she's doing is not good. She's doing a bad thing and that makes her a bad mother which is why SS would want to know and get involved. You/she are looking at this the whole wrong way around. It's not about getting away with it. It's about the actually thing being wrong and her having no sense of that, which is the truly worrying thing. These are the women who let horrible things happen to their DC because there's something missing. Everyone here knows striking up a relationship with a guy in prison when you're pregnant is wrong, regardless of whether he's the father or if they're going to get together when he's out or any of those side matters that you're getting distracted by. if she can't spot such red flags she's a danger to the child and not fit to care for it or for her other child. Sorry to be so direct but it's troubling the fixation on not being found out as opposed to the actual issue of the children's safety.

murasaki · 02/02/2025 15:08

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 14:55

I didn’t expect you to know 😕 I just enquired of a Pp

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Sorry, didn't mean to come over as abrupt, I'm interested too!

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 15:44

murasaki · 02/02/2025 15:08

Sorry, didn't mean to come over as abrupt, I'm interested too!

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Looks like we may never know unless @Simonjt decides to return!

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 15:54

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 15:44

Looks like we may never know unless @Simonjt decides to return!

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Sorry I don’t know what you may never know!

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 16:04

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 15:54

Sorry I don’t know what you may never know!

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You said the prison contacted you to ask if you could be put on a call list even though the prisoner clearly wasn’t close enough to you to have your number?

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 16:31

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 16:04

You said the prison contacted you to ask if you could be put on a call list even though the prisoner clearly wasn’t close enough to you to have your number?

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Yes