Social services

[Louiee11]

Need some advice for my friend
So she’s currently 38 weeks pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her
he’s in prison for class a or b drugs
He isn’t the baby’s father at all
Does anyone know what would happen or if they would find out ?

@Louiee11

You've had strong advice from professionals here. Just listen to it.

The fact that you are obsessing about getting caught by social services shows that you both know that if they were to find out there would be potentially serious consequences

I’ll make this clear my mate has got ss involvement with this unborn baby due to her last being taken to her fathers care but it’s all getting better
she recently got through to a old mate who’s in prison and been talking to him almost everyday he’s in there for class a or b drugs
shes now worried if they will find out and if it’s going to change anything I’ve come here for advice for her because she’s stressing a lot she’s 38 weeks pregnant

OP you have had some really clear answers to your question.
The prison service are highly likely to inform SS if they suspect/know the prisoner is having contact with a woman who has children.
SS will not look kindly on this.
SS will look more kindly on it if she informs SS herself and stops contact.

It's a depressing state of affairs, yet another woman putting a man before her child.....

She’s stressing about getting caught, not because she is worried about her baby.
She shouldn’t have done it and should face the consequences of this.

Thank you she’s worried as at the moment she’s got social involvement with this current pregnancy and her other child but they are soon to be discharging
last things she wants is for ss to find out anything well she’s doing good
she don’t know how the prison system work with ss

Maybe she needs to stop doing things she thinks might trigger SS and think of her bairn.

If SS are ringing once or twice a day, there is definitely something you're not saying. If tbeyre putting so much energy into keeping tabs on her then maybe they should find out everything and safeguard that baby.

How quick would they report this to ss ?

Why are you so bothered about her being caught?

Because she is a good mother she deserves this chance she was young with her first very young

As I have said many many times, as have others. There is no set timeframe on this! So she is best to tell them first!

She’s clearly not if she is putting a relationship with a drug dealer over the well-being of her children

Drug dealers do not work in isolation.

The police are desperate to catch the guys at the top.

That means any of the dealers in prison are constantly tracked.

All prisoners have calls recorded and letters/emailed read but dealers even more so.

A lot of people dealers are close to like friends or gfs are usually involved with the drug dealing.
It doesn’t have to be actual dealing it could be driving him to a friends house or spending money but these are still classed as being involved.

And so anyone with contact with a dealer in prison is going to be checked out.
There are databases to check people out, all they have to do is type her name and they’ll see she’s on SS register.

She is a classic example of someone involved in drug dealing.
She had a child removed from her care, SS involvement, pregnant with a 2nd child but not with the father and now in contact with a drug dealer is prison.

They will likely have thought that she’s pregnant with his child which is even more chance of her being involved in some way.

If they think there’s anything romantic going on, then she is going to absolutely be on their radar.

If she’s so worried then why doesn’t she just stop talking to him?

@Louiee11

This will not end well.
When you have social services involvement with a child, unborn or otherwise, you do not do anything to put the baby at risk
Top of the list is associating with men in prison for serious drugs offences
If she wants her chance to be a good mother, she needs to put the baby first, not a relationship with a serious offenders.

Shes not a good mother. She isn't allowed to parent her first, and is endangering being able to parent her second due to her awful choices. You can judge people by the company they keep. She's a walking advert for the need for implant contraception. The poor kids.

@Louiee11 I've been trying really hard to remain polite.

"Because she is a good mother she deserves this chance she was young with her first very young"

No she isn't a good mother. She is a neglectful mother whose child was removed and who now has supervised contact with her child.

She is now making the active decision to introduce a convicted drug dealer into the lives of her as yet unborn child.

So no, you can't possibly say she's a good mother. Youth may have been an excuse when she was 16, but what's her excuse now at 25?

I’m sorry, you say she is a good mother but she isn’t showing good judgement so there is no reason to expect she will do any better this time than with the first.

she should not be getting involved it’s a man in prison, she should be concentrating on getting g ready for a new baby. Time for tough love- tell her to get e grip and if she doesn’t you should tell social services.

OP, I am a social worker and I have also worked in prisons. Telephone calls are monitored and prisoners flagged for particular risks, i.e. organised crime links.
As your friend has involvement from Children's Services, and as she appears to be in regular contact with an offender, this will inevitably be discussed at multidisciplinary prison meetings, where officers, POMs, health, chaplaincy, education and employment staff will all share information with security staff and governors.
These concerns will be passed to Children's Services.

Agree with @wonderi

There will probably already be intel on police and other systems of his contact with her, they are hot in tracking who people with drugs associations speak to.

And a "good parent" wouldn't associate with drug dealers, HTH

A relative of mine had a "friend" and the situation sounded similar, though she hadn't previously had SS involvement that I'm aware of.

I'm guessing SS already have a concern about your friend not being able to prioritise and safeguard her children.

Your friend needs to recognise that unfortunately, mums not being able to safeguard their children from unsuitable men is a really common reason for SS involvement and is one of those things that really can end in removal, as it's such a high risk situation.

It's clear that there is romantic involvement with this man and she is concerned as he has obviously made plans to be involved with her, possibly live with her, and she's aware he is a safeguarding risk but is still going ahead.

Having seen the fallout and chaos and upheaval and risk this brings to mum and children, I'd really be trying to have a compassionate but frank word with her about the dangers of this situation.

This. A good parent wouldn’t do anything that would risk their child. SS would see it as a risk…..most people would see it as a risk. It’s a sign that she’s not good at making safe choices and putting her dc first. She needs to stop talking to this man and concentrate on her pregnancy and child.

people have given great advice but you seem to ignore it.

You can’t say she is a good mother, come on op. She doesn’t live with her first child, she hasn’t had the second one yet and she’s trying to start a relationship with a man who is inside for drugs.

You have a very different version of 'good mother' to me. My DIL is currently 36 weeks pregnant. Her elective C-section is booked so she has a date to aim for. She only finished work yesterday to enable her to spend as much time as possible with her DD once she is born.
DIL has a list of what DS and her have to do before DD arrives. They're going to be busy and there's two of them with lots of family support.
Who in their right mind, (even without SS involvement and already having a DC removed), gets involved with a drug dealer in prison? Let alone with a view to a relationship, despite recently leaving another within the at least the last few months and all you can do is wonder how and how long SS might flag her as a concern. The world has gone mad.