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Original poster

Social services

248 replies

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 09:22

Need some advice for my friend
So she’s currently 38 weeks pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her
he’s in prison for class a or b drugs
He isn’t the baby’s father at all
Does anyone know what would happen or if they would find out ?

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fedup1212 · 01/02/2025 21:46

Tbf she can't be THAT worried if she hasn't put a stop to the contact.

Sounds like she needs SS involvement tbh, it's questionable judgement on her part.

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 01:29

Same happend to my mate. Cos she had social on her alreedy for the first, they took her baby. Wasn't right but she got some peece ti live her life at leest.
An she was free when he got out now they r havin a new baby so it works out

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 01:31

Shes happy now and dont miss the babys

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EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/02/2025 01:56

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 01:29

Same happend to my mate. Cos she had social on her alreedy for the first, they took her baby. Wasn't right but she got some peece ti live her life at leest.
An she was free when he got out now they r havin a new baby so it works out

You think that's it working out. That poor baby, her mum chose someone who'd committed a crime over her own. That's horrible not things woking out.

fraughtcouture · 02/02/2025 01:59

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 01:31

Shes happy now and dont miss the babys

She shouldn't keep getting pregnant with that attitude! The poor kids

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/02/2025 02:00

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 19:34

Because she is a good mother she deserves this chance she was young with her first very young

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She's not acting like a good mum. Instead of focusing on might SS find out if she truly cares for her child more then this man she will stop all contact now. Then if SS gets wind of it she can show it was just a blip and she's already fixed things and is putting her baby first. If all she cares about is whether she'll get caught, rather than is this best for her baby, then she absolutely isn't being a good mum.

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 02:06

But the guy shes talkin with is not the baby daddy. Same with my friend n I no he will want his own baby if dey get fixed when he gets out

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 07:39

@KettleOnCredit do you have children?

Bristolinfeb · 02/02/2025 08:13

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/02/2025 01:56

You think that's it working out. That poor baby, her mum chose someone who'd committed a crime over her own. That's horrible not things woking out.

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@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness I’m hoping this is a troll but sadly some people do think like this so who knows. 🤷🏻‍♀️

supersonicginandtonic · 02/02/2025 10:08

SS will find out. Her name will have to be listed on his call list for one, so checks can be made that way. Probation will also complete checks before he is released. She's on very thin ice with this one. She needs to be showing that she is taking every step possible to protect her child. At the moment she isn't

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 10:18

Our children are adopted, so a different kind of SS involvement, as part of my volunteering I used to write letters to a few inmates, one attempted to add me to their call list. When we had our checks to adopt our second it was flagged, as we didn’t have an outside relationship it was fine, but it was made very very clear if I was associating with known criminals that I knew in real life it would have been a significant issue. It wasn’t something we were actually asked about, but they were still able to find out I’d regularly write to a handful of inmates.

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 10:20

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 10:18

Our children are adopted, so a different kind of SS involvement, as part of my volunteering I used to write letters to a few inmates, one attempted to add me to their call list. When we had our checks to adopt our second it was flagged, as we didn’t have an outside relationship it was fine, but it was made very very clear if I was associating with known criminals that I knew in real life it would have been a significant issue. It wasn’t something we were actually asked about, but they were still able to find out I’d regularly write to a handful of inmates.

How did the prisoner even have your number?!

Simonjt · 02/02/2025 10:32

TicklishRubyCritic · 02/02/2025 10:20

How did the prisoner even have your number?!

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They didn’t, as I said in my post they attempted to add me to their call list.

Original poster
Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 10:58

KettleOnCredit · 02/02/2025 02:06

But the guy shes talkin with is not the baby daddy. Same with my friend n I no he will want his own baby if dey get fixed when he gets out

How did ss end up finding out ?

OP posts:
71622025B · 02/02/2025 11:03

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 10:58

How did ss end up finding out ?

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You keep asking the same question "how did ss find out "

Calls are recorded. They only need to listen to a conversation to work out what's going on

Original poster
Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:04

Kindofembarrasing · 01/02/2025 21:11

I genuinely don't see how they would find out? The idea that because prisoners have their phone calls monitored means every pregnant female who speaks to an inmate will be reported to social services seems a little paranoid to me. Unless they discuss something concerning.
The reason the op gave was the mother had previous social services involvement for being young I mean I was under 16 when I had my first and I'm now pregnant with my second, social services do not care just because a young mum grew up and had another child they're not going to be involved or spying on you.

I mean I don't think a pregnant woman should be sniffing around a jailed drug dealer who isn't even the father but I honestly don't see how they'd find out this all seems a little paranoid which probably means the mother is aware she is doing wrong.

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She has ss involvement with this pregnancy and waiting for a discharge with her other child
I’m hoping what your saying is right and it’s unlikely for her that ss will find out because she does deserve this chance I know what she’s doing it’s stupid but it’s not like it’s her kids father or ex partner etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:05

71622025B · 02/02/2025 11:03

You keep asking the same question "how did ss find out "

Calls are recorded. They only need to listen to a conversation to work out what's going on

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Yes I know that but what would need to be said in the call for ss to be alerted ?

OP posts:
InfoSecInTheCity · 02/02/2025 11:11

Why do you keep saying this "but it’s not like it’s her kids father or ex partner etc" like it means anything?

He's a man she's choosing to introduce into her life and by association in to her children's life. What does it matter if he's someone whose sperm had a lucky day?

Imagine this conversation, then imagine the resulting response:

Her: Hi social services person who's worried about my capability to be a responsible and attentive parent to this unborn baby following my previous neglect of my first born child. I just wanted to let you know that I've sparked up a relationship with a known and convicted drug dealer who's currently being housed in a prison and due to be released in the middle of this year when my baby will be about 6 months old. Hope that's ok, let me know if you have any questions.

Social worker: .................

wizzywig · 02/02/2025 11:11

The content of the calls are recorded. The tel nos and length of call are recorded. It's easy for them to find out who owns that tel no. It'l also be recorded if she has said her name is Jane Smith when it's really Laura Jones. So yes it looks dodgy that he is calling her daily. That suggests an ongoing relationship

71622025B · 02/02/2025 11:13

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:04

She has ss involvement with this pregnancy and waiting for a discharge with her other child
I’m hoping what your saying is right and it’s unlikely for her that ss will find out because she does deserve this chance I know what she’s doing it’s stupid but it’s not like it’s her kids father or ex partner etc

Edited
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Waiting to for discharge with her other child? I thought her child was now 9 and lived with the father 🤔

" its not like its the kids father or ex" will that's OK then social services will be fine with some drug dealer type person being involved with a vunerble family 👍

As i said already social services look at who the family is mixing with this is not just father's/exes. It includes friends other realitives. ANYONE that spends time with that family/child.

71622025B · 02/02/2025 11:17

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:05

Yes I know that but what would need to be said in the call for ss to be alerted ?

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There's no trigger words for you to try and avoid. Its conversations as a whole

liveforsummer · 02/02/2025 11:17

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 17:29

I don’t know why all the horrible comments back it’s not like it’s her partner , ex or baby’s father she just wanted some evidence if they would find out or not

So why talk to him. Why take the risk. Screams poor judgement and exactly the type of red flag a social worker might be looking for with a general concern as with 'your friend'. Yes they could fomd out but why do anything you'd care to hide! Crazy!

HardenYourHeart · 02/02/2025 11:20

Louiee11 · 01/02/2025 19:34

Because she is a good mother she deserves this chance she was young with her first very young

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I am sorry, OP, but you can't know she is a good mother. She has one child of which she currently is not the main caretaker.

Furthermore, it's not about "deserving" anything when it comes having to children. Children are vulnerable and they have no way to protect themselves if the adults in their lives expose them to people who might do them harm. The adults in their lives could even be a source of danger themselves.

It's the children who "deserve", not the parents. Having children yourself and having been a child yourself, I am surprised you can't see that.

Scirocco · 02/02/2025 11:49

Louiee11 · 02/02/2025 11:05

Yes I know that but what would need to be said in the call for ss to be alerted ?

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It can be as simple as a routine check of who prisoners are contacting. Databases are connected for safeguarding issues.

You're asking the wrong questions when asking the chances of being found out, what might alert people, etc. Instead, ask about what this shows about safeguarding risks and parenting readiness. A man in prison for drug offences is not a suitable friend to have when someone is about to have a small baby. It demonstrates poor judgement and that keeping the child safe isn't the woman's priority the way it should be. Social work will take it seriously because it needs to be taken seriously.

Lj8893 · 02/02/2025 11:52

OP stop asking the same questions. You are not going to get the answer you are looking for.
The only thing your friend needs to know is that this contact with this man is a stupid, silly thing to do and she needs to stop it. SS are likely to find out (it doesn’t matter how, why or when!!) so at least when they do find out, they can be satisfied the contact has stopped.